Paradox

Are we doomed spirits lashing against the stormy winds in the ocean?

Or are we gypsies making our way through time?

Are we a paradox of fate or are we the destiny of all that is alive?

Are you and me meant to be silent forever? 

Are we meant to watch the skies set into dusk and then transform into dawn every day...

And still never speak a word...

Are we doomed souls fighting the winds on the battlefield shores?

Are we gypsies with tales untold?

Are we the paradox of life and death?

Are we who we are, who are we meant to be?

You and me.

The Open Love Letter

To

He who never came,

I don’t know if you can hear me. 

Perhaps am not loud enough, or clear.

I am still waiting...not too far, quite near.

Every knock on the door

Sends my heart beating

A crazy rhythm of its own...

I dream of the peace that your arms would bring

And the love that in your eyes I shall see.

With you, my love, I will finally be free.

Have you met me yet? 

Are you around?

Or did something happen to you...

Maybe you don’t want to be found.

Are you hurt and scared to love again?

From all emotions, do you refrain?

Maybe you have met me and not found me worthy.

Maybe...just maybe... you simply never came.

Your side of the bed will be empty forever...

I will puff a pillow each night for you.

I will come back to an empty house,

Light up those yellow lights you love so much, I know 

And I would call it home. 

I will make space for you on the bean bag beside me 

And talk about the random things that no one gets but us.

The silence is deafening.

The thought of you not being there 

Is not a future I can live in.

I can’t breath. 

The vast emptiness pulls me into an abyss... and I am scared. 

I am scared to let go of the thought of you.

I hope you are well. 

I hope you are happy wherever you are.

Maybe you have already found Love and it’s not me.

Or maybe... just maybe... you are waiting still.

Maybe you light up the yellow lights and talk about all the random things no one understands but us.

Maybe you too make space for me. 

Maybe I am home to you.

You tell me your dreams and your fears.

Maybe you are looking forward to the day we meet

And that day you will be, in the truest possible way, complete.

Do you fear not meeting me?

Do you wonder if I am there?

Have you given up already...

I don’t want to know, I wouldn’t dare.

Maybe you are gone already.

That, I would perhaps never know.

As fortune would have it,

Maybe we are never to meet, but

I was destined to be forever yours.

Come, find me.
Please.

From

She who kept waiting.

The Funeral March

The Funeral March played on...
I walked silently with the crowd.
It was a bright sunny day.
The winter wind battled with the pristine shroud.

The aisle was long.
The way to the altar was longer still.
Twice I was to be given away.
Twice had I been turned away further still.

They marched through the meadows...
They marched through the hills...
They marched through the shadows...
They marched through barren lands and streams.

The funeral march played on...
I walked silently with the crowd.

There were flowers and they burned incense...
The stink of death and sorrow filled the air.
I was stale and I had wilted...
The wind blew through my unkempt hair.

Was it me they were mourning or was I mourning my dreams?
The crowd was filled with faces that I had never seen.
Their touch was cold... or maybe it just wasn’t as warm as I had been.
Was this the loss of me or was this my loss... I was lost, I could not feel.

Was it me they were mourning or was I mourning my dreams?

The funeral march played on...
I walked silently with the crowd.

— written on a winter afternoon with an overcast sky

The Journey of Loss

He said..."it's all over."
She cried all night. She checked her phone every few minutes. She almost dialled his number a couple of times. She spent her nights in sleepless dreams. Her mornings were lost in dreary wakefulness. Every breath she took reminded her of him. Everything around her had his touch. She felt lost...alone in her pain.
Months later...she saw him in the lift at her workplace. She barely glanced at him. Her world had moved on.

"It's all over"...her son told her over the phone. The words did not register at first and when it did, her world crashed around her.
Years and years of memories...every single moment of the last 52 years.
Questions flooded her heart and mind...
How could he not be here anymore. How is it possible that I will never be able to touch him again. Who will I talk to at night when the world had drowned in sleep. Who will I wake up for in the mornings...who will share my cup of tea.

The habits and nuances of the years gone by...every word ever spoken...the dreams they had seen together...their smiles and joys... everything that was theirs was now left with her. He was gone...she would never see him again.

Her children sat with their arms around her...her grand kids sat nearby. He was there among them all...yet his journey has changed direction... he was in peace now.
And her life would never be the same again.

~ The Journey of Loss

In the memory of lost loved ones.

Colours

Oh the vivid colours that adorn thee, Life.
The myriad shades of joy and gloom...
Of the shades and the brightness of the open skies and clouds...
The multitudes in grey that in the minds bloom.

Of lustrous green pastures and happiness galore.
Of the blue grey green seas and the waves that had drowned us times before.
Of all the red pink purples that colour the sky and the heart.
Should have known of all your hues from the start.

Of tears ... Some of mirth.
Of smiles... At times in grief.
Of those eyes that smile inspite of the storm inside.
Of shattered fame and broken pride.
Of the rain drops that wrench out memories from the soul.
Of the sunset that sets longing out...
Makes us seek within ourselves till we feel whole.

Of all the colours that are all black grey and white...
There are these in-between ones that may be or may not be bright.

With each year...a new hue appears
And each hue splits in further shades.
Daggers and saws
Knifes and blades.

Oh Life, thou art beautiful.
Your colours fill me with wonderous joy.
Oh Life, thou art colourful.
Let's sail the ship... Sailors, Ahoy!

To Grow Into SomeOne

Our English teacher at school always said that a good character is one which evolves over the course of the story. The experiences that the character goes through defines and re-defines who he or she is.

When we enter the world stage, we are like blank slates. It is our experience that finally defines who we are. Without our experiences we are poorly constructed characters who add but little value to the play.

Are you a fan of FRIENDS? 

Yes? Then you must have had watched it over a zillion times and it must have brought a smile onto your face every one of those zillion times. 

In this much loved sitcom, all the characters grow... I am not too sure about Joey though. But yes, mostly, they all grow. 

The Rachel we see right at the beginning of the series: A runaway bride. Daddy's darling. Cannot imagine life without her Dad's credit cards. 

And then the Rachel we see in season 10: Independent, confident, career oriented. A single mother. About to move to Paris all by herself.

Look at Monica and Chandler. They grew as individuals and only then did they find love in each other.

That, my dear friends, is evolution of characters.

So, tell me, haaaaaave you seen How I Met Your Mother? *read that in Barney style "Haaaave you met Ted" *

Its another classic example of evolution of characters. Ted, though forever stuck on Robin, eventually finds the Mother of his kids. And, as he himself says, it took him so long because he needed to become the person he finally became to find the right woman...to find the woman.

Its true. 100% true.

We change and we keep changing. We retain some basic characteristics, but overall, we change. For better or worse or whatever...but we change. The more we change the better our play on the stage becomes. And sometimes we do need to grow into the person who we are meant to be so that we can find the person who grew into the person we were meant to be with.

I don't know if the universe works that way...conspiring to make us find our better half. I, honestly, am not a believer in the Universe and its Plans. But yes, practically speaking, we sometimes just grow into each other and that is when love happens.

That is what they mean when they say that there is a right time for everything. the right time comes when you are ready to meet this other person. 

The right time is when you have grown into the person who is in sync with the person who are about to meet. 

The right time is when you will be loved for being the person you are...and for a thousand other reasons that your significant other can list out for you.

Had you met the same person years ago, maybe you would have never clicked. Simply because you were both different then. Maybe he had always liked Beatles and at that time you used to think they were insects. And then you figured who they really are and started loving them just as much! And then...one day...you met.

See what I mean.

If you  pause here a minute and think about it, you would realise how beautiful this is.

In the same way there is right time for everything else. Maybe you couldn't land your dream job earlier but now you do. Not because it was suddenly easy to get through the interview. But, because now you have a little more experience and you are more suited for the job.

So, as you see, life is all about the experiences you gather. The more the merrier.

You will fumble...stumble...make mistakes...soar to the heights of success...make some stupid choices...maybe you would get your eyebrow pierced and then regret it (just saying!)... but then all of that made you the super duper awesome person you finally became. 

Life is about awesomeness...you've got the set your sight high on the awesomeness chart and yeah...someone is waiting for you up there...and that person is just as awesome as you are!

Music of the Soul

The notes struck the air...

Like a Song breathing Life...

The melody drifted through the damp night...

Along dark alleys and lanes...

And across the dark sky.

Beckoning the aching soul...

The music so divine.

I raced through the dark...

The music carried me...

The rhythm in my heart.

The moon followed.

The night was closing in on me...

Like high walls of a closed room.

And the music played still...within and without.

There you were...

Such beauty and such grace.

You moved with the flow of the rhythm that you played.

Such serenity...such peace...such warmth I felt...

You played.

And the music played in me...

A melody that could trap you or could even set you free.

Like a spark trapped in darkness escapes to light a fire...

We were held captive in a moment of lyrical ecstasy and desire.

The unspoken words lay scattered on the floor...

Notes floating...weaving into one another...

Like molten stars mould together.

The melody brought your voice to me,

And I realised...Music is the language we spoke.

The Bride's Song

Beads woven together...gold, silver and rhine...

Sparkling in their own bright hue...

The heart is in the Heaven of Delight.

The wind plays a glorious song...

A song of love and faith...

The birds follow the melody and the sound echoes through the vale.

The flowers bloom their prettiest best...
And the bees are all in their prime...
And the eyes all follow the prettiest one as the bride walks down the aisle.

A thousand dreams...and hundred thoughts...

Fear and joy, they merge...

A tear escapes the mother's eyes as she remembers her little one.

All the years of games and play...

Of petty things and fights...

And how she dreamt of the handsome prince, who on her doorstep would alight.

The day has come...and she is trembling, head to toe...

She awaits her prince at the alter today...eyes fixed on the floor...

She counts his footsteps as he makes his way to her...

18 it had to be...neither near, nor too far.

She awaits the man of her dreams...the prince who came from afar...

The dreams she has seen shall soon be true...her heart keeps telling her.

The vows will be spoken...the bonds will be forged...

Two hearts will become one...as she had always longed.

The birds sing outside...

The sunshine spreads itself over the blossoming yard.

She will soon walk though this pretty path

And then her life shall really start.

She knows not how her life will be...

She dreams of all that is good.

She knows not what awaits her outside...

She hopes he will be there for her...just as at the alter now they stood.

The veil is lifted...and she embraces her Life.

Beads woven together...gold, silver and rhine...

Sparkling in their own bright hue...

Her heart is in the Heaven of Delight.

Silence Knocked on My Door

I pulled the blinds open...ever so slightly...

There you were...

The moment I'd heard the knock, I knew it was you.

It was snowing outside...it had been snowing since the night before...

someone had cleared the road though...

The beautiful glowing moonlight danced on the wet street outside...

and I stood there looking at you through the blinds...prettier than the moonlight,

you were here...outside my door.

I had it all planned...

It was going to be our best evening together...

I had the table ready...

candles...flowers...dinner...music...

yes, just the way you could have ever wanted our evening together to be.

It was my love for you...

perhaps I was desparate to make you happy...

or maybe all I wanted was to be with you forever...your hand in mine...our fingers intertwined...

or...perhaps...it was because...I just wanted you back.

The candles had melted away into darkness...

The flowers lay wilted on the floor...

The dinner, long forgotten, lay somewhere, cold...

Yet...the music still played...

It played from somewhere far...

I could hear our laughter...could feel the warmth of your touch...

I stood there by the window...blinds pulled open ever so slightly...

The moon was brilliant tonight...

The pitch black night was silent outside...

And Silence had knocked on my door.

A Canvas on the Show

I stood there, numb with pain.

Had I Blood, it would have drenched me...

Had I Voice, it would have cried out by now...

Yet I stood there, still, numb.

I was a beautiful moonlit evening...waves crashing against the shore,

Two love struck stars falling from the sky 

Had paid a priceless visit to me.

I felt so alive in the slivery light 

That the moon, the stars and the sea had cast...

I was so proud just to be.

They all said I was beautiful...spell binding, they exclaimed.

Some desired me...some just admired.

I was a piece of Life captured in a frame...

I loved my hue,

And I loved being Midnight Blue.

Then one day, he came...

He had come for me, I know...

Held me in his arms...so close to his chest

I could almost feel his heart beat for me.

He took me back to his abode,

I was to be his forever, I hoped.

I looked at him with my silent eyes...

Bestowed on him my silver light...

I gave my beauty, my serenity, my love to him...

All that I ever could.

I was his and he was all I had.

But there was someone else too...

Someone beyond my comprehension...

Someone who loved him more...cared more...

Hurt more too...

She had been there when he first met me...

I had seen her approval glance...

Perhaps she loved me too...

But did I care, No.

And then one evening...

The world around me fell apart.

I heard them speak...

There was more noise than all words rioting together can make...

Some storm it was, a storm of love and rage.

Things fell...hearts broke...in Fate's single stroke.

In such anger towards me he came...

And drove his broken heart throught mine. 

He tore open my canvas frame...

Till the stars and the moon all ceased to shine.

I cried out...but in vain...

For I had no voice that could reach his ears.

The gashes on my soul opened wide,

And Midnight Blue I bled in pain.

They moved me...I saw him no more...

They treated me well...and patched me up...

They said I looked as good as new...

They put me up again...a canvas on the show

They said I was pretty but they exclaimed no more...

I was now bruised beyond beauty...

...Just another canvas on the show...

Yet another Page from my Diary

"...So much has changed. So much I have lost...so few things remain. 

A life that I had known has now become a stranger to me. I feel like a stranger to myself. 

I feel like expressing myself but I am too scared to let my truth be known. Yes I fear that I will be reprimanded. I shall be rebuked for my changed ways. I shall no longer to accepted for who I am. I am a mutated version of my old self. My value system has changed. I have struggled enough with my mind and heart and have finally brought them together. Though I may be in agreement with my thoughts and actions now...I fear that the people I once knew...the world that I used to belong to will not feel the same way about me and my values. I feel alienated. I feel like everything that was mine...all the people I knew...every bit of my that I had been familiar with for the last 23years...I have left everything behind. I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel like a stranger inside my own mind.  

Everything is so new that I fear to even search for similarities.

The cold wind reminds me of nothing... the sunshine doesn't bring back any memories to me... the rain does not remind me of long forgotten songs. I don't crave for anything...for I have nothing to crave for...everything is lost.

I can go back to the same old places...visit the same old landmarks....but I shall never find myself anywhere. I died.

My mind relentlessly tries to find justifications for all that I have changed and all that I have lost because of these changes in me. 

It was voluntary I suppose. I wanted the pain to stop...perhaps that itself killed the person that I used to be...and created this new me. 

I had acknowledged my pain...lived in it...with it... taken it to all places with me... It had broken me down... I was a pile of bones...with a tiny bit of life left in me... perhaps my Painkillers killed that pain...and with the pain...I lost the little life that was left in me. And that, I think, was the end.
The feeling of not knowing who one is...where one's roots are...who one belongs to... perhaps this is how the wandering souls feel...

I wonder... I wander... ..."

The Smoke and the Hills

The cold wind blew through me...piercing me with its icy spears.... it didn't pain...not the way it used to. I thought ... perhaps its over...perhaps the wounds have finally healed.

I was walking through the rain... the saline drops tasted sweet...
I kept walking through the darkness...

Smoldering remains of a distant dream...the smoke, a mere puff of life...
i waited...still...

and then one morning the sun suddenly shone bright...the brilliance of its light almost blinded my eyes...
the overpowering...over whelming light broke through the darkness...the smoke dispersed...
the wind spoke in my ears...the greens smiled at me...and the birds sang lyrical poetry...
i could feel life rushing through my veins...i could feel my heartbeat once again...
the white cotton clouds floating in the sky.,,gave me wings...and then i felt free...yes, i could really fly...

but the clouds grew stronger...and stronger still... they turned gray...and then black....
they moved ominously across the sky...
the light grew weaker...and weaker still...
the force of life ceased...
the birds chirped...but softly....
the green grew dull against the gray...

the hills in the distance were covered by smokey clouds...the smoldering remains of my long lost dreams...the smoke, a mere puff of life...

Waking up

Waking up was different during different phases of my life!
As a child waking up meant either school, pending homework or exams! i grew up a bit and then waking up took up a whole new meaning...this was when i started waking up to dreams...!!
over the years, mom's shrill and high pitched scream of "wake up....or you'll be late for school" got replaced by a friend or roommate's sleepy "good morning..."...followed by..."mass bunk...and then movie...what say?!"

its been years...perhaps ages...feels like decades actually.... Waking up now means going to work...coding...debugging...more coding....getting frustrated...coding some more....taking mini tea breaks in between...n again coding...
weekends are the worst...you wake up late...have nothing to do...you feel lazy...you feel low...
friendship...fun...companionship...have all changed over the years...
there was a time when friendship meant Life to me! there was a time when  having friends around made me feel warm and happy... there was a time when living together with friends was the best thing that could happen to me!

and then...one morning...when i woke up...i realized...that everything had changed!

changes are a part of life...yes.
life is ever changing...yes.
change is the only constant...yes.

but when change walks hand in hand with indifference....it hurts!

i miss my hostel...i miss my home. i miss them for the simplicity of life that they offered. i miss them because they both served breakfast in the morning...irrespective of whether you wanted to eat or not!

a little bit of care is all that we humans crave for...
a bank account having 10K at month end...and still waking up hungry in an indifferent atmosphere with no provision for breakfast is not a life that anyone really cares for!

but then...in most cases...that is the life we end up living...and that too...indifferently.



Note: All in good humour! :)

The Search...

Perhaps its human to search for the Old in the New. New places, new people, new emotions...we always try to look for familiarities. Memories are like set-points in our life's system and we keep adjusting our life's variables to somehow attain this pre-assigned set-point. 
I know not if this is right or wrong....i don't know if our past should be given so much power...so much power that it can influence our present...i confess i do not know. then again, i presume that this influence varies from person to person.


Perhaps when we search for familiarity in the New we do so to adjust ourselves easily and fit into the New. The New often comes accompanied with the Unknown...so maybe our attempt to fit in and be comfortable is aided by searching for something familiar, something known in the unfamiliar surroundings. This search is perhaps primarily for comfort.


The following is a short note that i'd written in December last year....in a somewhat unfamiliar environment whilst missing a similar place far away in time and place.


A new place...strange familiarity...
As if the old had never left...just changed.
Miles away...
Yet the same feeling...
Familiarity knocks on my door.
Winter winds...a cup of stale coffee...
Miles apart yet similar...
As if the old had never ceased to be... Just changed...




A different junction...a new place...
Yet emotions remain the same...
Eyes search for the same faces, the same voices... But none of them remain...
A change...yes... Only of time n place...
Emotions....they still remain the same.


an attempt at translating the above into bengali (first attempt ever)


sob e natun...natun lagche aj sob
tao jeno sob e lage chena...
jeno purono kichui sesh hoyni...
bodleche, kintu chole jayni...
dur theke durante chole geche...
tobu onubhuti gulor rong paltayeni ajo...
chena sriti jeno aj dakche amay.
sei ek e thanda batash...sei ek e purono coffee...
tobu koto dure...onek dure...
jeno purono kichui sesh hoyni...palteche sudhu...


ek natun more...ek natun jayga...
onubhuti...chetona...ajo sei ek e rokhom...
ami khuje cholechi sei purono sob kichu...sei sob chena mukh...
ja chilo chena seta hariye geche aj...
palte geche onek kichu...
jayga palteche...somoy palteche...
tobu paltayeni sei mon....paltayeni sei onubhutir sporsho.

Through the viewfinder

Glimpses of Kolkata through my viewfinder....

After the winter rain on a New Year morning...

P.S. Victoria was a woman, n hence the pink theme :P

A thousand words...innumerable thoughts...and some memories...all rushed through my mind when my eyes captured this frame through my cam's viewfinder....

Sharing with you some moments, stolen from my mind.

I was never fond of flowers....but this, somehow, changed my mind!

A bunch of flowers...love and joy galore...

and a precious smile in return!

Sharing in itself makes one feel good...n happy inside...

and sharing what i see with the world is an even better feeling... :-)

The Last One...

some things remain incomplete forever.... perhaps they are meant to be that way... and we have to accept them as such...

the uneasy feeling of incompleteness gnaws our soul...we burn inside in the fire of the desire to be complete again...a desire than can never come true...a wish that is destined to remain unfulfilled forever....
...n still try to be happy...try to live...hoping that some day peace would descend on us...someday our prayers will be answered.

...and then one day....life becomes irrelevant....and the prayer changes...the wish changes....

.....My Prayer...My Last Wish...

".....bring me closer to the End
take me closer to you...
End my pain...

In those last few moments of Life...
I shall find peace...solace...
My wings shall be reborn...
N i shall fly...
Free.
In those last few moments....
I shall find
Me.

I will smile one last smile...
The one smile in so many years...
N the world shall smile at me...
Contentment...on its face.

I shall care no more..
No worldly treasures can touch me again...
I shall be at peace...

In my last breath i shall smile...for
I shall be forever free....
with You near me...

Take me closer to You...
Take me closer to my peace...
Take me closer to the End."

It is what you make of it.

Had been planning a post on "Self Important Arrogant Web Socialites"....you know the FB homepage top-news-post-owners who invariably dominate your entire home page and irritate you to no end with their irrelevant updates! Updates that speak about what they did when...and how...in details! Updates that scream out their achievements (mostly over-exaggerated...and nothing more than what you may have had easily achieved a lot earlier in your life but never blown the trumpet about!). Updates that speak of the number of times they visited the loo and the loo-reforms that they wish to bring about... blah blah blah. Those are our very own Self Important Arrogant Web Socialites...SIAWS.

But then i thought...why go into such treacherous waters and invoke the fury of so very many SIAWS.... n i chose to write about the latest Google Chrome Adverts....i love them. Simplicity redefined!

check the "Dear Sophie" ad... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4vkVHijdQk ...Daniel Lee, Dad.

This ad features a proud new father who uses the web to share memories with his daughter as she grows up.....


This advert touches so many emotions...so many of them.
It reminds you of your Dad... it reminds you of the day when he got for you the toy you'd been throwing tantrums for... It reminds you of the times when he chided you for the mistakes you made and then made it up with a hug. Your mind floods with memories of your own childhood and you wish you could look back at them again...together with your dad.
While watching the video you decide that you too will record memories to share with your kid. The Mom or Dad in you wakes up to a new dream!
Its the magic of Simplicity and Love!

Edward Lewis, Dad.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5NKYKE6U2c ...this is another version of the same advert "Dear Hollie".....and this one ends with the lines... "I've been emailing you all your life. One day we'll look back at these together."

More than the content, its the style that has caught my attention. In this materialistic world of artificial effects nothing attracts more than the simplicity of emotion and thought. A simplistic approach to marketing...Google seems to have played just the right cards!
 A merger of technology with the most basic of all human emotions...humanity. That has played the pivotal role in the conceptualisation of this advertisement...that is evident.

It is true...technology is not supposed to be your life...it is supposed to be a part of it only. You are the Master and Technology is your Power.
And, yes....the Web is but a medium of expression and Technology enables efficient sharing of that expression. Anyone with a fair amount of knowledge as to how to express him or herself can use the Web to his or her advantage. No Web user is better than the other when they start out... but it is how well you can use your Power that determines who becomes a better Master of the Power-tools provided to him/her.

"The Web is what you make of it."

Google has come up with an apt Tagline.
No one is more important than the other on the Web. you create your own identity and maintain it. It is unwise to make technology your life...for after all it is but just Virtual. Technology is an aid that helps to make real life living more delightful...more joyous and more loving.... just like Daniel Lee and Edward Lewis. They have created a storehouse of memories that they wish to share with their kids when they grow up. they never intended to or will never even wish to bring their children up in the virtual world... its more like a virtual album of real life memories....

They've used the Web in their own way...and have generated smiles.

SIAWS...do something worthwhile....make someone smile...not a smiley but a real smile!

Ah! Maybe someday my Blog will have some similar effect on me and my readers!! :) ..........lets smile...together!

In Silence

"...sometimes my heart wishes that i could have been there... held ur hand...walked with you through the darkness...dispersing it as we walked towards light, together... but then i wake up...it was all a dream... a sudden rush of cold wind...the first drops of rain... but of this dream much more than just memories will remain... " 


i have a silent prayer...and i still pray...


...a silent tear drop runs down my cheek...every time i remember you. i wake up...in the middle of the night...when memories pierce my heart like arrows from the quiver...piercing my soul. i wake up silently shrieking in pain.
you were here...with me...moments ago. and now you are gone. am standing still. shards of my broken heart scattered all around.


i start walking again...silently...for no ears love my pain. silent...i keep walking.
i cross the narrow forest path...the hills and the lanes. the highways come and go. 
at every new step, a new smile greets me.. every few steps, love and care awaits me. i smile for those who wait for me at every step... their hands on my shoulder...the concern in their eyes.. i will live for them, for they give me life.
i feel free...there is nothing left to lose. its just me now...nothing left to save...nothing new to dream of... nothing new left to say. i live as life moves on. a new adventure...a brand new quest to complete...my life makes me live!


and you...
i just have this much to say...as long as i keep walking...remember, somewhere there is this someone who silently prays for you. to this someone only your happiness matters...nothing else. when you are in pain...it hurts her even more. for the sake of those numerous happy memories shared...please be happy.... and i promise...i shall forever pray for you...till the setting sun takes me away.

the Sunset in the Fall...and my Flight with the Fairies.

it was sunset...i was walking
an autumn evening...
into the horizon...alone...
i was walking...
the hand that had held mine was lost...
the maple leaves blew around me...and some lay trodden beneath my feet...
into the golden horizon...i was walking...

barren trees...the Fall is here.
between two rises...the sun was setting.
the golden hue would soon transform itself into Darkness...
i was alone...and i was walking...
silence all around...save the soft whistle of the blowing wind...
and the crisp crunches of the dry leaves on the ground...
towards the horizon i walked...alone...

an emptiness...the silence...innumerable images...
am alone...the hand that was in mine...lost.
the stars shone...the moon lit up the night.
Light descended...silvery...smooth to the touch...
my fingers found a hand...or perhaps there were many...
the Light filled me through...
the sudden brilliance was almost blinding...
the soft touch of assurance was back...more loving...more caring...
my eyes saw through the brilliance...Fairies in the moonlight.
Elegance...and smiles...
they held my hand...and gave me wings.
i was flying with them...
o're mystery lands...over the autumn...over the Fall...
flying...over the horizon...
into the realm of Calm and Peace. 

The Moon is Beautiful Tonight!

also read ..."A page from my diary"  (this is the post that i have referred to in this post)


the moon is beautiful tonight! it has probably never been prettier. the cool breeze blowing is taking me back to that evening on the small terrace in my old hostel...sometime in 2009, in November. me sitting with my Diary...alone. the cool breeze making me shiver...
the Diary no longer exists...nor do the feelings. it would be unfair to say that the feelings have all ceased to exist...its just that they have changed. my life has changed...in several ways.
yet, some things always remain unchanged. i had been relishing solitude that night...and these last two evenings i have been doing the same.
the moon is beautiful tonight...prettier than it ever was.
the cool breeze is still blowing through my hair...am shivering. its not the cold...its something else. a different emotion altogether...somewhat alien yet not completely unknown.
tonight, am rewriting the story of my life.
some emotions are not meant for me...and some are completely outside my personal emotional boundary. for me, life remains practical as long as i remain emotionally detached from the intricateness of the human mind. but...there was this one time that i had become emotional...n i had almost lost the most valuable thing that i'd ever possessed...my peace of mind.
Am not Saintly...but its true that i can never be possessive...am not familiar with envy either. the only thing that matters to me is uncomplicated love... where, we know that there is someone we can forever fall back on...where, we know that if our steps falter, someone will catch us before we fall. someone we can trust...someone who will hold our hand when even tears fail to relieve us from intense pain.
i have this love. the touch of a dear friend...the concern of a brother...the caring and loving hand on my head... the entire feeling of being loved...it feels beautiful! as beautiful as the moon tonight.
i love this emotion that connects two souls together.
Love is about being together...may not be in person but being there always...mentally. Love is that touch that assures you that you are not alone. be it a friend...be it a sister...be it a brother... be it your parents...or be it your Mentor. Love is a feeling to cherish...its the foundation of every human relationship. if there is no love...there can never be friendship. Love is that respect that one has for the other...love is the worry and anxiety that one feels for the other...love is that feeling of protectiveness that shields those being loved. Love is a blessing...infact it is a dual blessing, it blesses the one that loves and also the one who is being loved.


there is pain...even in love. the pain of watching our loved ones suffer...love pains when the ones you love are in pain. Love also pains when it remains unappreciated and unrequited. Love pains when silence kills it slowly. Love pains when the poison of indifference gnaws the hearts that love. Love pains when it is killed for selfish reasons...and Ego buries it. Love pains when one-sided compromises and adjustments become mere sacrifices that hold no meaning in the eyes of the one being loved. Love pains when neglected.
Having felt the pain...having been through the indifference...having lived through compromises... i believe, Love is true only when the feeling lives on even after the person has left. the object of love may not remain the same...but the believe in Love still remains.
i still believe in Love... for i still believe in the Angels and the Fairies that visit me in my dreams!
Love pains...but it also loves. and because it loves it gives us the strength to live. it gives us hope...and dreams. Love in any form is beautiful...just like the cool breeze blowing outside... just like the beauty of the moon, radiant in the light of Love!

"Sakhi, bhabona kahare bole? Sakhi, jatona kahare bole?

Tomra je bolo dibosho-rajoni 'bhalobasha, bhalobasha'...

Sakhi, bhalobasha kare koye?! Sakhi keboli jatonamoy.

Sheki keboli chokher jal? Sheki keboli dukher swaas?

Loke tobe kore ki sukheri tore, emon dukhero aash.

Aamar chokhe to shokoli sobhon,

Shokoli nobeen, shokoli bimol, shunil akash, shyamolo kanon,

Bishod jyochhona, kusumo komol - shokol amari moton tara. 

Keboli hanshe, keboli gaye, hanshiya, kheliya morite chaye -

Najane bedon, najane radon, najane shader jatona joto.

Phul se haanshitey haanshitey jhore, jyochhona hanshiya milaye jaay,

Hanshite hanshite alokshagore akasher taara teyage kaaye.

Aamar moton sukhi ke aache. Aaye sakhi aaye, aamar kaache -

Sukhi hridoyer sukher gaan suniya toder jurabe pran.

Protidin jodi kandibi kebol ek din noye haanshibi tora -

Ek din noye bishado bhuliya shokole miliya gahibo mora.

Bhabona kahare bole. Sakhi, jatona kahare bole.

Tomra je bolo dibosho-rajoni 'bhalobasha, bhalobasha' -

Sakhi, bhalobasha kare koye! Sakhi keboli jatonamoy..."

~~Rabindranath Tagore