Another Page from My Diary

29th nov '09


Finally! Finally...I've gathered enough courage today to speak my heart out...uncensored!

well well well...i guess all firsts are precious...
My first home, my first school (Olympus, north kolkata), my first best friends (a boy who had great toys but would never let me touch them, unfortunately i've forgotten his name), Oindrilla...Sushmi. My first day in my first drawing school...my first crush (lasted for a long time!)...my first day in Loreto...
Like all other firsts my first college life (considering that i go for higher studies) is also very special...My first friend in BCET, Puja (met her at WBJEE counselling)...my first day in college and hostel...my first room mate, Nilakshi...my first hostel meal...my first class (physics, NM ma'am)...
 A typical College life is supposed to be fun...dancing around trees, lazying around the campus, bunking classes...being the coolest(or hottest!!) person around...basically typical masala type Bollywood stuff! but in reality its very different. you do get to enjoy life in college (specially if you are away from home) but you also learn a lot.
My biggest lesson was the lesson of adjustment and learning to compromise. I made mistakes...got severely misunderstood and misinterpreted. i got rejected...for being who i am...i was accused of pretending...of being fake. Who in the world wants to be rejected...to prevent it i started pretending!
Gradually this pretence started annoying me...and i actually cut myself off from the others. i was tired of life...of the people around me! i wanted a friend but had none. i was tired of oscillating between my real self and the emotionless, practical Sayani that i'd created within myself to shield myself from the world. the worst...well...my trust was brutally betrayed...beyond repair (or so i had thought at that time).
But i guess every dark cloud does have a silver lining...gradually i started getting back my life. i found friends...some old...and some new. My new friends gave my life a new dimension....a new beginning!
And on 27th Nov '09...i realised that i've fallen in love.Yes...am in love. I'd never though that this would actually happen to me..but yes, am in love. Am not in love with any person...am in love with my life...am in love with this place...am in love with this college...am in love with my friends...i love the green grass that grows here on the campus. i love the glass windows and white walls of the buildings here. i love the chilled wind that blows past me...
am in love.
all my pain has vanished only to be replaced with happiness...though slightly tinged with sorrow. For my days here are numbered...just one and a half years are left...........but yeah! am sure, we, this place and i, will be able to  maintain a successful long distance relationship...
Am sure gonna miss this place and my life here!
guess am getting a bit too emotional...better not let it get better of me...better end this post here.

Comments

  1. any emotion can be changed to happines with a feeling of love,.,, love ... fall in love and the world around you gets special

    ReplyDelete
  2. i have written a similar article and posted it minutes before you posted this.... you may find it interesting..... http://anirbansaha.wordpress.com/2009/11/29/the-gaze/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Surely we'll try to maintain a long distance relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hmmm...prem prem gondho pelm...gotokl o peyechlm,aaj arektu pelam.....
    disclaimer:subject of prem still suspense!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. @charlotte
    yes dear...we surely will...!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your trust was brutally betrayed? I wish that you had been a little bit more subtle. Remember that all betrayals are not caused on purpose or with a nefarious intent. Some are caused without the intention of true betrayal.

    Did you honestly have no friend? Did nobody ever care for you? Do ask yourself these questions.

    And it is very hard for anyone to judge whats real or not. What we may feel is our real self, maybe just an artifical replica.

    Anyways, good post on the whole.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts