Waking up

Waking up was different during different phases of my life!
As a child waking up meant either school, pending homework or exams! i grew up a bit and then waking up took up a whole new meaning...this was when i started waking up to dreams...!!
over the years, mom's shrill and high pitched scream of "wake up....or you'll be late for school" got replaced by a friend or roommate's sleepy "good morning..."...followed by..."mass bunk...and then movie...what say?!"

its been years...perhaps ages...feels like decades actually.... Waking up now means going to work...coding...debugging...more coding....getting frustrated...coding some more....taking mini tea breaks in between...n again coding...
weekends are the worst...you wake up late...have nothing to do...you feel lazy...you feel low...
friendship...fun...companionship...have all changed over the years...
there was a time when friendship meant Life to me! there was a time when  having friends around made me feel warm and happy... there was a time when living together with friends was the best thing that could happen to me!

and then...one morning...when i woke up...i realized...that everything had changed!

changes are a part of life...yes.
life is ever changing...yes.
change is the only constant...yes.

but when change walks hand in hand with indifference....it hurts!

i miss my hostel...i miss my home. i miss them for the simplicity of life that they offered. i miss them because they both served breakfast in the morning...irrespective of whether you wanted to eat or not!

a little bit of care is all that we humans crave for...
a bank account having 10K at month end...and still waking up hungry in an indifferent atmosphere with no provision for breakfast is not a life that anyone really cares for!

but then...in most cases...that is the life we end up living...and that too...indifferently.



Note: All in good humour! :)

The Search...

Perhaps its human to search for the Old in the New. New places, new people, new emotions...we always try to look for familiarities. Memories are like set-points in our life's system and we keep adjusting our life's variables to somehow attain this pre-assigned set-point. 
I know not if this is right or wrong....i don't know if our past should be given so much power...so much power that it can influence our present...i confess i do not know. then again, i presume that this influence varies from person to person.


Perhaps when we search for familiarity in the New we do so to adjust ourselves easily and fit into the New. The New often comes accompanied with the Unknown...so maybe our attempt to fit in and be comfortable is aided by searching for something familiar, something known in the unfamiliar surroundings. This search is perhaps primarily for comfort.


The following is a short note that i'd written in December last year....in a somewhat unfamiliar environment whilst missing a similar place far away in time and place.


A new place...strange familiarity...
As if the old had never left...just changed.
Miles away...
Yet the same feeling...
Familiarity knocks on my door.
Winter winds...a cup of stale coffee...
Miles apart yet similar...
As if the old had never ceased to be... Just changed...




A different junction...a new place...
Yet emotions remain the same...
Eyes search for the same faces, the same voices... But none of them remain...
A change...yes... Only of time n place...
Emotions....they still remain the same.


an attempt at translating the above into bengali (first attempt ever)


sob e natun...natun lagche aj sob
tao jeno sob e lage chena...
jeno purono kichui sesh hoyni...
bodleche, kintu chole jayni...
dur theke durante chole geche...
tobu onubhuti gulor rong paltayeni ajo...
chena sriti jeno aj dakche amay.
sei ek e thanda batash...sei ek e purono coffee...
tobu koto dure...onek dure...
jeno purono kichui sesh hoyni...palteche sudhu...


ek natun more...ek natun jayga...
onubhuti...chetona...ajo sei ek e rokhom...
ami khuje cholechi sei purono sob kichu...sei sob chena mukh...
ja chilo chena seta hariye geche aj...
palte geche onek kichu...
jayga palteche...somoy palteche...
tobu paltayeni sei mon....paltayeni sei onubhutir sporsho.

Bon Voyage: 1st May 2011

Bon Voyage... 1st May 2011...the day our juniors bid us adieu officially...

some moments from our farewell party!
thank you junies...will miss u all a lot....

these four years were beautiful...friendship...joy...laughter...tears...pagalpanti.... shall miss these days... we are at the very edge now...but we are resolute...shall forever be in touch...*no tears...only smiles*

some penultimate moments...

our last few treats, trips and parties.... of the four beautiful years now only 52 days remain!
lets live them!!  :-)  #college_hostel_life

"yuhi kat jayega safar saath chalne se....k manzil ayegi nazar saath chalne se...."

College...gosh...Final year!!

ohk...its been a really long time since i last bored people by writing rubbish here at my blog!! but friends....am back!!
WBUT is one mad university...they announce exams exactly 14 days before the scheduled starting date and then postpond it so conveniently just 5 days before the commencement of the examinations!! we, poor students of this doomed university, had been anticipating an early semester exam...and had been preparing ourselves mentally (we do not bother to study till the routine is officially published at the website) for the exams since April!! practical exams were conducted in May...n finally theory exams took place in June!!! n that is...like...well...soooo irritating!! #mahafail
all our training and internship plans were jeopardised...and most of us had to rearrange our schedules and re-apply for the various trainings we had been planning to undertake during the summer!! again #mahafail
but finally the ordeal is over...! exams are over...internships n trainings have either begun or will begin shortly....we r all in holiday mood....enjoying our semester break!!

this sem break is perhaps a little different from others. for once...the feeling of having finished another year at college is kinda freaky! we r final year students now...n that is, trust me...the weirdest thing possible!! like, it was just yesterday that we came to college...made friends...got used to hostel life...n now........not even 12 months r left...!! n to top it all, our hostel buildings have been swapped!! guys will now b staying in the girl's hostel building n girls will shift to the guys block.......grrrrrrrrrr.......could things get worse!??!

for me...these 3 years...well....i lost a lot...but i gained more than i could have ever imagined!! dont know how...but i guess somehow this place gave me my reasons for being eternally happy...!!

one more year...final year...campusing... competitive exams...trainings n projects...busy busy year ahead!!

will keep updating...stay tuned...

phir milenge chalte chalte...

hostel farewell '10 (23rd april), originally uploaded by SayaniMukherjee.

Hostel Farewell...Yaadein '10...the day was 23rd April...... it was a grand event...n we made sure that there were mostly smiles around...just a few tears... music, dance, masti, food...games...the Ms. KCGH competition...the early morning group photo sessions....

the party ended at around 6am the next morning...the seniors were all happy...there were smiles all around...
we, the pre-final years, were in tears... will miss them all....n will miss each other after one year. its our turn next...its our farewell next year...

The Walk to Remember...

It was a long walk up and down the road leading to and from my college...all alone, for the first time. The winter evening was ever so beautiful...
The shops on either side of the road were slowly opening for the evening customers. The most popular road-side shop, the Roll Stall was already preparing the first batch of rolls for the evening! i went up to Roll-kaku, ordered the three rolls I'd been instructed to bring back to the hostel....and continued my walk through the gradually darkening road.
Earlier, in the afternoon, my dad had called to say that my ATM card problem has been solved. So, I decided to check it...and draw out some money as well (fed up of my bankrupt state!!).
So, i began my evening stroll...my favourite music playing on my phone...headphone plugged into my ears....
the starlit blue-gradually-turning-black sky was gladly accompanying me on my walk... and the moon, peeping from behind the shadows...was keeping a watch on me as i enjoyed my lazy stroll.
This place, this road, this college...the last two and a half years of my life...this is now my world. my life now revolves around this place and the people here. My heart used to belong to Kolkata...but now, i've divided it into two...one is in the hustle bustle of the ever-busy City of Joy...the other, in this quite steel city...the place that is so very close to me now. Perhaps its because of the people i've known here and loved. My "college life" is here...the cafeteria adda...the classes...the library....the net lab...the panchvatika...the friends!! everything is here.
two and a half years of my four years here is already over. 2009...another year is coming to a close....and so is my college life............just one and a half years more...after that, i'll never be able to take this walk, there will never be such roll orders...no calls from dad telling me that he's sorted out the ATM problem and no bankrupt me running to the ATM for money(no guarantee for this though)...
life will be different...a lot different from what it is today.

realisations...

i used to think that i can survive alone. the word "lonely" had a very
different meaning in my dictionary...to me it was synonymous to freedom. to me, being "alone" was being independent.
to me, my decision was the last word. i could consider other's views but the final decision was always mine.
the only two people who had (and still have) the right to veto my decisions were my parents. i'd never given anyone as much importance as that i'd given my parents...and i never will. being alone gave me the freedom to carry out my decisions and plans into action. not allowing me to exercise my free will was like intruding in my personal world. a crime i can neither forgive nor forget. in short, i loved being alone...cut off from the rest of the world...
it is perhaps because of this habit of mine that i have so very few close friends. i'm very careful with the people around me. i value trust most in the world...
if anyone breaks my trust he/she loses my faith in him/her forever...i do not disregard the person totally or misbehave or ignore them...i just don't trust them any more. in my eyes breaking some one's trust is the worst crime a human can commit.
but things are changing...ever since i started staying in the hostel my outlook changed. hostel is a completely different world...with so many people from so many different places with so many different cultures coming together to live under one roof...
i've realised that no human can be true to another human...deceit and treachery are the two most common features of the human race.
so if i wanted to cut myself off from people who betray me...i would actually have to renounce the whole world!!
that meant that i would have to survive completely by myself...as a single friendless (no matter how fake human friendship be) soul...hated by all...ignored by all! i tried living the way i used to and failed...i realised that to live in this unfaithful world i would have let go of the life i'd created for myself...i would have to accept the world as it is...i would have to accept the unreal reality around me. i would have to learn to pretend to be like them all... i cannot be lonely... i have to accept company...
with my changing ideas i'm changing too...for better or for worse i do not know...i'm learning to pretend...i'm learning to value company and companionship.
i'm learning to be passive...

surprise...surprise!!

We, my roommate and i, were fast asleep...dreaming peacefully...unaware of Reality knocking on our door... actually Reality had to knock really hard to wake us up...in fact Reality had to literally scream...panic evident in her voice!!!!

my roommate was the first to wake up to Reality...in this case Reality was in the form of a messenger named Sonakshi (our neighbour in the hostel)...she could only manage to say a few broken sentences...but her words acted like magic...within seconds we were both wide awake...tensed with nervous excitement...4th semester results have been finally announced.

after what seemed like hours the net connection started working properly...but the server was sooooo jam packed that pages could not be displayed..."service unavailable"...it said.

finally my roommate saw her result...she'd done well...not as well as she had expected but she was more or less satisfied with her marks! but my luck is like...well.................i still couldnt access my result...i was super scared...!!

And then...finally...sayari called me...she had managed to see my result...i'd scored 8.9 sgpa(out of 10)...................

this was way more than what i'd expected....and what's more shocking is that this was the highest sgpa in my year(my dept)...............this meant that i topped my class....along with A.C....who's also scored 8.9 sgpa (our results are identical)....

this is the first time since school that i'd topped an important exam (in fact university exam)...........yayyyyyy!!!!! i'm kinda feeling great....soooo happy....

mom and dad are elated....i'm sooo very happy...

i've got loads of hard work ahead....i have to try and make myself and my parents happy again...but yeah...no pressure....!!

more or less all my friends have done well...some have got excellent sgpa...looks like hard work does get recognised...am soo happy for all of us....yeeeppppieee...

Thank you God!!