The Bride's Song

Beads woven together...gold, silver and rhine...

Sparkling in their own bright hue...

The heart is in the Heaven of Delight.

The wind plays a glorious song...

A song of love and faith...

The birds follow the melody and the sound echoes through the vale.

The flowers bloom their prettiest best...
And the bees are all in their prime...
And the eyes all follow the prettiest one as the bride walks down the aisle.

A thousand dreams...and hundred thoughts...

Fear and joy, they merge...

A tear escapes the mother's eyes as she remembers her little one.

All the years of games and play...

Of petty things and fights...

And how she dreamt of the handsome prince, who on her doorstep would alight.

The day has come...and she is trembling, head to toe...

She awaits her prince at the alter today...eyes fixed on the floor...

She counts his footsteps as he makes his way to her...

18 it had to be...neither near, nor too far.

She awaits the man of her dreams...the prince who came from afar...

The dreams she has seen shall soon be true...her heart keeps telling her.

The vows will be spoken...the bonds will be forged...

Two hearts will become one...as she had always longed.

The birds sing outside...

The sunshine spreads itself over the blossoming yard.

She will soon walk though this pretty path

And then her life shall really start.

She knows not how her life will be...

She dreams of all that is good.

She knows not what awaits her outside...

She hopes he will be there for her...just as at the alter now they stood.

The veil is lifted...and she embraces her Life.

Beads woven together...gold, silver and rhine...

Sparkling in their own bright hue...

Her heart is in the Heaven of Delight.

The Spark

Came across a wiki link that made me feel more than proud of the family i belong to!

I had grown up knowing that my mom's side of the family has a rich cultural and historical background. But to see the facts on a page, on the internet...that too on wikipedia...is quite overwhelming!

My Grandfather, Samir Roy Choudhury, born in the family of Subarna Roychoudhury, the Zamindar of Kolkata, prior to the arrival of the British, was one of the Founder fathers of the Hungry Generation.

About the Hungry Generation, my mom can tell you better stories as i came into the picture much later!!
I was born and spent the initial months of my life in my Grandparents' Patna residence. The environment was always culturally rich. And Post Modern Literature had been an integral part of my growing up years. Like they say, what we see and observe in our formative years...we learn. And these lessons become a part of our very self. It becomes a part of who we are.
So true.

From what i've gathered from the reviews i've got from my valued readers, the effect of these childhood lessons have been reflected in my writings over the years. I distinctly remember the article that i had submitted to the College Magazine...the Teacher Editor had classified it in the category of Post Modern Literature. Knowingly or unknowingly the subconscious works in a way that reflects the learning of our formative years.

Incidentally, my Grandfather carries a notebook and a pen with him...nearly always. His 78 years old self has retained the creative spark...infact the spark has brightened over the years.
On a recent visit to a hospital for a tumor surgery, he had a dream. In this dream he saw policemen chasing a thief. The day he returned home, he asked me for a pen and a piece of paper...any paper, he'd demanded. Urgency clear in his manner and voice. He then quickly jotted down his dream on the paper that i'd given him. Am sure that dream has already developed into a short story or a poem.

Distant memories of a tiny me sitting on a tray, in a Dark Room of our Photography Studio, and watching my maternal uncle work.... of paint brushes and colours lying around and experts editing photographs with them... 1990 didn't have Photoshop facilities!! ......somehow did leave an impression on me.

My first professional work to be published was on the cover page of my Grandfather's publication, a Little Magazine named "Haowa 49" .....infact my design was critically acclaimed. The thing is...i was 4 years old then.

The little that i know and all that i can know has its roots in my family.
I've always been a happy and content family member but today i feel more than proud of my family.

Somehow when others tell you about yourself...you get to know yourself better! :-)

Another personal note

this is perhaps my most personal and direct post till date. if i had someone i could say all this to this post would not have been here... but...well it is here.

inspite of all that is not going well with me...these last few days i did feel happy...after a long long time. went out with friends...my Rons and Hermiones...CCD, movie, KFC...adda session about random things...even pointless things!! but i guess, a point comes when you just get back to your problems...and then the grief overwhelms you...and...in short...you are dead.

i wish i had one emotional escape...anything...anyone.

and a recent realisation...i dont believe in a lot of things any more. you know, u keep expecting...u keep hoping...and then you realise that you were a fool to have been waiting for something to happen that can never really be a reality. and then you give up hope...you give up your expectations...you even give up your feelings...you give up on the people you love. its not that you stop loving them...its just that you stop hoping that they will love you back. maybe you are no longer worthy of their love. its a pathetic feeling...but you have to accept this as well.

am not complaining...i know, my problems are the not the only ones in this world...neither are they the worst problems...no they are not. but...they are quite big to me...they trouble me...make me sleepless...they make me insecure... and i feel so damn crappy lonely...stuck with them alone in a cold room...

its true...when you are happy...the whole world celebrates with you...but when you are down...no one comes to stand beside you. no one at all.

its weird...my world is shrinking...getting smaller and smaller with each passing day. and at this rate...a day will come when my world will cease to have anyone else in it except my parents and myself. its true...your parents are the only people in this world who love you unconditionally...and you never become unworthy of their love ever.

sometimes you just need to get these emotions out of your system. staying alone makes you feel even worse...and am lucky i have a blog to express myself whenever i wish to.

so much has changed in my life in these few months...since last winter... my whole life has changed. i saw happy days...i experienced bliss... and then everything started fading away...and now am left with almost nothing...nothing...

there was a time when i could say all that i had in my mind to my dearest people... and now...i pick up my phone...type out a message...wait for two minutes...then delete it and keep my phone aside.

i dunno...i've lost faith in so many things and feelings...

A random post

the toughest time of my life...
yes...these are probably the toughest days of my life! so much to cope with....so much to do...so much that is still undone...
uncertainties...options...choices...
the year 2010 was one of the toughest years, till date, that i had to deal with. Criticism came from all sectors. Pressure was at its peak. MBA entrance exams, campusing...projects... and of course personal trials were like that bright red cherry on the cake!
since August, this year, all that i have been doing is hoping against hope...indulging in wishful thinking...and working day in and day out to complete tasks before the deadlines hit me hard. and yet...the deadlines...eventually...did hit me hard.
hardwork...constantly forcing my brain to solve problems...analytically, logically, quantitatively...!!
the entire concept of "next year" is full of uncertainties. next year, this time...where will i be?

i have plans ready. if Plan A fails then Plan B...if that too fails then i shall have to consider Plan C...and so on. alternatives...back up plans... *sigh*
i hope that something works out...i hope by next year i will be settled somewhere with something substantial. i sincerely hope that 2011 will be a better year...not just for me, but for my family too.