Clockwork

To be able to reach out. To want to know.
Somewhere lost in the crowd.
Alone and scared.
Looking for a way to make it seem worth the while.
Lacking in conviction...yet pushing ahead.

I blame the heads bobbing up and down in the crowded station.
I blame the trains that are never on time.
I blame the alarm clock for not ringing loud enough.
I blame the system.
At the end of the day, I take the fall.

Like clockwork I move. We move.
Each movement accurate. The data sheet smiles.
My name, my identity, my being...it's been compromised.
I know my fate. Stations. Heads. Trains. Clocks.
Mornings will be the same.
Nights will be the same.
Afternoons will be the same.
I will break apart and be put together all the same.

Hammer the clock. Jump the line. Let the alarm ring louder than ever.
Run off.

Peace eludes still.
We are used to our clockwork moves.
We are prisoners within.

That which was not to be found

She was looking for that which was not to be found.
Every place she went, she carried questions around.
She weaved dreams out of magic...sheer art.
And slowly again, she would pull them apart.

The world was a colourful void to her.
She filled it with love and joy and fear.
Her thoughts ran in incoherent trains.
Messy like puddles of water in torrential rains.

Normadic was her soul.
In her hands, the reigns of Life.
Glorious in all her beauty...
In ebbs and flows, she escaped time.

She was easy to love...
But hard to hold.
She slipped by like the sands in the hourglass.
Yet in an embrace, she made you whole.

She was Contradictions given life...
A world of hues and stains alike.

Searching forever for her home in the wood...
She was our mysterious Little Red Riding Hood.

The Promiscuous Lady

And that promiscuous Lady...
The one who just walked by.

Her red bag and heels...
The smoke swirling around her lips...
Her perfume, she left it lingering still
Her presence, with it she seemed to fill.
The hair, disarrayed...but that's style
Her smile, a killer, coy, sly.

You may want to touch her,
Intangible, yes, her mystery was.
You may want to know how her thoughts flow,
Like a whirlwind, how they come and go.
You may want to untangle the knots in her hair,
Her aura lay there, her story, to be quite fair.

The tactfully smudged kohl,
And all the colours of Her...
Enticing, intriguing...
A glimpse, perhaps, into her deep soul.
Her face, her painted nails, her hair...
She is my mountain Gypsy girl, my lady fair.

Coarse not soft, her hands were...
An impulse, a recoil, and moments passed
Till Breath returned to me.
My heart beat a thousand beats till she finally set me free.

Her smell lingered, she was long gone.
Her coy smile, she left behind.
She is the promiscuous Lady.
The one who just walked by.

Say

If I disappeared one day, say...
Would you come searching for me all the way?
If I wrote you a letter from a hundred miles away,
Would you check the stamp for the place I stay? Say.
If one day you woke up and found me gone...
With a letter on the bedside drawer...
My mug in the sink...
Hot coffee in the pot...
My clothes hanging on the peg where I left it last night...
My hairbrush still lying on the dresser mirror...
What would you do?
Would you give up on me? Say.

Tangents

** A random creation inspired by something a friend had randomly said on a Saturday afternoon... The poem was then "performed" in front of an audience... It is finally being published on this blog **

They made music and
They kept their lighters in strategic places.
When they spoke, they spoke of smoke.
When they wrote, they could fill pockets of penniless coats.
High octanes and dismal lows.
They met the Sun in bottomless holes.
They smelled of clay.
They would do nothing all day but play.
They sang songs.
Words...
That were tangled in guitars strings.
Chords...
That made tangents across the globe.

They were nobodies stuck in earthly bodies.
Singing earthly songs.
Earthly vows of life bound them to their soul.
They were music.
And it was Music that made them whole.

Hoyto!

A bunch of open ended questions and a world of possibilities.

Bengali poetry!

Sei je jokhon megh korechilo...

Tumi giye dariyechile janlar pase.

Halka haate porda soriye cheyechile baire...

Tumi ki opekha korchile amar?

Ami toh aseni.

Sebar jokhon tumi alga haate khopa baniyechile...

Misti hese dorjar baire ese dariye amar dike cheyechile...

Table er golap gulo besh shundor chilo sedin.

Tumi sajiyechile?

Ami toh bhabini.

Tumi gaan gaichile sedin.

Dutolar janla bhed kore amar ghore esechilo sur.

Ami cigarette haate Murakami r lekha ekta boi porchilam.

Maa cha khete niche dakchilo.

Mone holo tomar kache jai...janla khule tomay dekhi.

Tumi ki cheyechile ami asi?

Asbo...opekha koro...hoyeto asbo ami.

A Blissful Illusion

the pages lay on the floor....torn....tattered...
i had torn them off.... erased the words they carried...they lay scattered....
the innumerable pieces of my heart.
tiny words...singled out...lay all by themselves.
the dotted "i"-s... and the crossed out "me"-s...the rest were "you"-s...
a collage of feelings...of thoughts unexpressed.
thoughts, that could have made their way to your heart...
my thoughts....right from the start...
you would have heard me...if only...
if you had been there...

lost you were in a world where i was not the person i knew to be me...
lost you were in a world you thought was yours forever to keep.
lost you were...ever so deep...
away from bricks and mortar... away from the smell of fresh leaves...
away from the touch of reality... 
even away from me...
in a world you had for yourself alone and no other.

a blissful illusion...a world of perfection.
calm...serene...idyllic...
yet untrue...for me at least.
it was a world you had created for yourself... for you to be in 
for you to love and to live...and for no other.

At the Edge

At the edge…preparing for the fall…

At a height insurmountable…  an abyss pulling me, so strong.

I breathe… the air seems sour…

The gorge so deep…  invincible is the Power.

Am breaking… broken pieces of glass

It’s hurting… the sharp edges that right through me pass

Am at the Edge… but not much longer…

…and then................I fall.

An Empty World

an empty world...a cry echoing through the darkness...
a gorge...emotions rushing through...falling into nothingness.
all that was...not is...will never ever be.
finality. the silent voices...the words that were left unspoken.
one cry...echoing still...
through the stillness of the night...
a cry of pain...a dagger running through the heart...
a pin piercing the soul...
an ache that is inhumanly blissful...
an anguish that has lived on...lived after life itself was extinguished.
the flame of remorse...still burns...burns bright
waiting to burn down everything that could have been...but never was.
a regret...an endless wait...
an eternity.
a thin line...invisible almost...life draws.

i feel it for you

this is my first attempt at something romantic.....its something that's totally unlike me!! but am still giving this a try...

please...please do leave comments.

will you walk with me...?
hold my hand.
sit with me...for a while.
look! can you see the horizon...
where the golden sun is melting into the arms of the blue water?


my life...behold,
have i found you in myself or without?
or did i do as i was told...?


once on a walk when you had smiled
trust me, the moonlight had washed me over...
bathing me in its silvery light.
that morning, when you had softly whispered in my ears...
those words that i live for
the fragrance of the fresh dew on the grass blade 
had kissed me on the forehead.
it was the moment...that moment...
that made up for all the words unsaid...


its a feeling unfelt...
a dream unseen...
if this is love, i confess...i feel it for you!

Intensity

DISCLAIMER: ok chill...am totally sane...no matter how weird this poem may sound am just fine. all's well with me! i don't even remember when and why i wrote this poem. found it in the 'my documents' folder today and posted it here...am absolutely fine!!




INTENSITY
When pain reaches its zenith and the isolation is complete
When the soul stops begging for mercy and surrenders to the anguish inside
When the light dims and the eyes get accustomed to the overwhelming darkness
When all senses numb and even the slightest sensation invites intense pain
When touch pricks like a sharp ended needle and tears dry in the heat of despair
When words are lost to ever entangling fetters of sorrow and life translates to death
When even the most soul wrenching cry becomes inaudible and the blood boils within
When the world closes itself before the eyes of the sufferer and blocks all its gates
Then my heart burns in the fire
Tortured by myself…
Pained by me…
And in the fire of Hell my blood boils…
To satisfy the ache within.

i do not wish to name this...

suddenly from nowhere, it came.
it's ferocity blinding my mind.
the tightening shrouds of darkness,
veiling Life from Light.

i can feel an odd sensation,
like coldness flowing underneath my skin.
its a strange numbness,
to bereavement which is akin...

my voice is soundless,
my breath coming is gasps,
my heart beating its final rhythm,
my eyes seeing its last...

i'm drowning in the dark waters...
hands pulling me from within...
i'm struggling against the fetters that bind me...
to prevent myself from giving in...

the rhythm is in the crescendo...
the final notes being played...
there's so much i'm yet to know...
so much i'm leaving unsaid.

the beautiful sunshine...the fresh dew...
the familiar wind...that once blew...
have all left me in this incessant pain...
every ounce of Life from me this Darkness drain...

I don't understand so much...

I still dont understand the essence of my existance.
Am still unsure as to what my destiny holds for me...
I still dont understand the existing System!
Am still confused and scared of myself...
Do i need to stay quiet?
Do i need to keep my thoughts confined to the darkest corner of my mind?
Do i need to loose myself in the crowd?
Do i need a new identity to survive?
Do i need to supress my emotions to such an extent that my heart ceases to beat?
Do i need to live for someone who, perhaps, doesnt even exist?
If living means changing yourself in accordance with the world around you,
i wish to ask you this
Do i need to live at all?.....

my poetry...sorochito kobita...

i'm lost...

Alone in a habitat long deserted by life...

My emotions are sealed by fate...

And my words snatched away by time...

In this lonliness, i fear...

That i'm losing myself...

In this silence, i'm afraid...

I'm scared of being alone...

Far away...someplace beyond my dreams...

Where the light has not yet touched life...

I see somthing...

Or perhaps...its a someone...

Someone i've been waiting for all along...