Thursday, April 1, 2010

Confessions of a Confused Mind

Life is so weird. I mean...look at it. It gives you immense joy and then suddenly threatens to take it all away. You win a match and then lose the very next...and all the bounty you had managed to gone in a jiffy!! Its a tiring game...too many obstacles, face offs, challenges and no cheat codes. Damn, am a pathetic player!!

The last few months were just too tiring for me...emotionally! For a person like me...emotions are a rare thing. But when they come...they flood the mind...unlock the gates of my self and break into my very system... Destroying my peace of mind...unsettling me temporarily, or so i thought. Certain feelings and emotions are very powerful. They are capable of unsettling minds permanently. And i'm afraid, i guess, that's the case with me.

Emotions that i had never known earlier...aliens emotions...invaded my heart...and my soul. These alien emotions kind of gave me a brand new identity. An identity that i could hardly relate to myself. I was happy...perhaps i am more or less still happy. The happiness is inexplicable...perhaps its bliss. But a certain sadness pervades... Why? How can profound happiness be accompanied by such pain. I do not understand. The pain is at times unbearable... All methods that a practical person may apply to control and check one's emotions have already failed me. Am I on the verge of insanity?  

Everything i had ever loved and cared for have now evaporated leaving behind nothing but residue of memories... I loved to write. But now expressions fail me. Music was my life...melody now evades me... But why?
I'm scared of losing everything that i have....all that i truly Love. I'm perhaps too possessive of my own Happiness...

I need to get back on my feet. I should stop expecting...Expectations hurt. I should stop waiting...I cannot wait for eternity... i should try to get back my bearings and start walking again...along a known path. I'm scared of walking alone...i don't want to lose myself in lonely deserted roads...its scary. I will follow the known path...will try to walk by myself again.

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