A Personal Note

am back with a personal note...after a long time.
and this has been a tough year...drastically different from the last.
last year...post April almost the entire year was happy. yes...there were smiles all around...there was hope...there were dreams....n there was Happiness! yet...i remember...on the very last day...an strange n unknown fear had gripped me. i had this weird feeling....a feeling that i was going to lose everything that makes me ME.

yes...i know, nothing lasts forever. and yes...my happiness is highly volatile!

a major part of this year, 2010, was shrouded in negativity. be it the people in my life or be it me. most of the things had a grey touch to them...the hue closer to the darker shade.

lost a lot of things...lost people close to my heart. i even lost a part of me.

i did earn the love of many....
there were innumerable emotional moments... i was deeply touched by the concern and care that my friends showered me with!! love them all!
but yes....i also lost the love of those who mean a lot to me.

i had already started defining my life in newer terms. i had started setting new dimensions to it. n i experimented with myself ...n my feelings. but none worked well enough to cease the pain that was building up within me.

and then came November. it was my favourite month last year....n this year...i'll be glad if i can manage to somehow survive through it.
if this is how things were always supposed to be....then why on earth did God bless me with Happiness last year?
2010 was full of expectations....all broken into pieces in the course of time.
misunderstandings...lack of communication...and silence... they ruined  everything.
and before i could gather the broken pieces and try my hand at fixing them...they were gone...

am still waiting...i hope i will be able to mend myself in some way. they say am strong...when i know i am not. but i can build a shield around me...a fortress. i can preserve what i have left. n i will wait till i have the rest.