To Grow Into SomeOne

Our English teacher at school always said that a good character is one which evolves over the course of the story. The experiences that the character goes through defines and re-defines who he or she is.

When we enter the world stage, we are like blank slates. It is our experience that finally defines who we are. Without our experiences we are poorly constructed characters who add but little value to the play.

Are you a fan of FRIENDS? 

Yes? Then you must have had watched it over a zillion times and it must have brought a smile onto your face every one of those zillion times. 

In this much loved sitcom, all the characters grow... I am not too sure about Joey though. But yes, mostly, they all grow. 

The Rachel we see right at the beginning of the series: A runaway bride. Daddy's darling. Cannot imagine life without her Dad's credit cards. 

And then the Rachel we see in season 10: Independent, confident, career oriented. A single mother. About to move to Paris all by herself.

Look at Monica and Chandler. They grew as individuals and only then did they find love in each other.

That, my dear friends, is evolution of characters.

So, tell me, haaaaaave you seen How I Met Your Mother? *read that in Barney style "Haaaave you met Ted" *

Its another classic example of evolution of characters. Ted, though forever stuck on Robin, eventually finds the Mother of his kids. And, as he himself says, it took him so long because he needed to become the person he finally became to find the right woman...to find the woman.

Its true. 100% true.

We change and we keep changing. We retain some basic characteristics, but overall, we change. For better or worse or whatever...but we change. The more we change the better our play on the stage becomes. And sometimes we do need to grow into the person who we are meant to be so that we can find the person who grew into the person we were meant to be with.

I don't know if the universe works that way...conspiring to make us find our better half. I, honestly, am not a believer in the Universe and its Plans. But yes, practically speaking, we sometimes just grow into each other and that is when love happens.

That is what they mean when they say that there is a right time for everything. the right time comes when you are ready to meet this other person. 

The right time is when you have grown into the person who is in sync with the person who are about to meet. 

The right time is when you will be loved for being the person you are...and for a thousand other reasons that your significant other can list out for you.

Had you met the same person years ago, maybe you would have never clicked. Simply because you were both different then. Maybe he had always liked Beatles and at that time you used to think they were insects. And then you figured who they really are and started loving them just as much! And then...one day...you met.

See what I mean.

If you  pause here a minute and think about it, you would realise how beautiful this is.

In the same way there is right time for everything else. Maybe you couldn't land your dream job earlier but now you do. Not because it was suddenly easy to get through the interview. But, because now you have a little more experience and you are more suited for the job.

So, as you see, life is all about the experiences you gather. The more the merrier.

You will fumble...stumble...make mistakes...soar to the heights of success...make some stupid choices...maybe you would get your eyebrow pierced and then regret it (just saying!)... but then all of that made you the super duper awesome person you finally became. 

Life is about awesomeness...you've got the set your sight high on the awesomeness chart and yeah...someone is waiting for you up there...and that person is just as awesome as you are!

Mid-Twenties Crisis

A personal note, less of a blog post.
I am writing all of this down and I plan to read this a couple of years later to see where I stand.

I am 26. The question that has been plaguing my mind is...
What is growing up all about?

Having a stable job. Earning well. Being independent. Getting married. Owning a place of your own. A car too maybe. Inviting friends over for lunch or dinner parties and asking them to bring their plus one along. Is that it?

What about this...
Having a stable job. Earning well. Being independent. Hanging out with friends. Planning an occasional all-nighter with your girl besties. Maybe a get together with friends over drinks (all sorts) and good food. Maybe a pot-luck. Maybe a three day long horror movie marathon with closest buddies and pizza. Maybe a few trips thrown in...with friends or alone.

Is that not being grown up enough?

This seems to a crossroad. Stuck on the other side of 25 and not wanting to opt for the road that makes you a serious grown up.

Then there is this eternal fear of not having a plus one for your married friend's dinner party. How weird would that be!

People coming off age...and settling down left right and centre. As if that is all life is about.

Could you not "settle down" with someone who wants the same unsettling things that you want? That would be perfect amalgamation of growing up and yet being happy.

Or maybe that is too far-stretched. We are all doomed to die as boring people who grew up and got serious.

Is this the mid-twenties crisis?

Astral Us

For all the pretence and the longing for reality...
We got caught somewhere in-between...
A limbo of sorts.
Disconnected hearts...aching souls.
Fragile minds ripped apart by influence.
Like a plague it has spread ...
Over, above and across.
When we got used to this way of life we will never know.
But we did.
And our souls were trapped in some parallel universe.
Like astral projections...awake only when we sleep.

Say

If I disappeared one day, say...
Would you come searching for me all the way?
If I wrote you a letter from a hundred miles away,
Would you check the stamp for the place I stay? Say.
If one day you woke up and found me gone...
With a letter on the bedside drawer...
My mug in the sink...
Hot coffee in the pot...
My clothes hanging on the peg where I left it last night...
My hairbrush still lying on the dresser mirror...
What would you do?
Would you give up on me? Say.

Tangents

** A random creation inspired by something a friend had randomly said on a Saturday afternoon... The poem was then "performed" in front of an audience... It is finally being published on this blog **

They made music and
They kept their lighters in strategic places.
When they spoke, they spoke of smoke.
When they wrote, they could fill pockets of penniless coats.
High octanes and dismal lows.
They met the Sun in bottomless holes.
They smelled of clay.
They would do nothing all day but play.
They sang songs.
Words...
That were tangled in guitars strings.
Chords...
That made tangents across the globe.

They were nobodies stuck in earthly bodies.
Singing earthly songs.
Earthly vows of life bound them to their soul.
They were music.
And it was Music that made them whole.

Hoyto!

A bunch of open ended questions and a world of possibilities.

Bengali poetry!

Sei je jokhon megh korechilo...

Tumi giye dariyechile janlar pase.

Halka haate porda soriye cheyechile baire...

Tumi ki opekha korchile amar?

Ami toh aseni.

Sebar jokhon tumi alga haate khopa baniyechile...

Misti hese dorjar baire ese dariye amar dike cheyechile...

Table er golap gulo besh shundor chilo sedin.

Tumi sajiyechile?

Ami toh bhabini.

Tumi gaan gaichile sedin.

Dutolar janla bhed kore amar ghore esechilo sur.

Ami cigarette haate Murakami r lekha ekta boi porchilam.

Maa cha khete niche dakchilo.

Mone holo tomar kache jai...janla khule tomay dekhi.

Tumi ki cheyechile ami asi?

Asbo...opekha koro...hoyeto asbo ami.

The Idiot and The Educated

My sincere apologies to The Idiot.

The Educated might give me a look…one that reads “Seriously! Do you need to do this?”

Education is a bag full of books. Education is weekly tests, unit tests and term tests.

Ask 10 random students on any random street why they are studying. 8 will tell you that a good education ensures a good job. The other 2 might grow up to be Research Fellows in reputed Institutions!

I am not a Research Fellow. Maybe, I could have been…but I am not. We will shoot off an altogether different tangent if we followed this train of thoughts now.

Let’s just get to the point.

The IT professional has a pretty stereotype life. System, code editor, outlook, coffee, occasional text from that guy or girl you are dating, periodically checking the groups put on mute to see if something exciting is lined up for the weekend. That’s it. Some 9.5-10 hours of such randomness and you are done for the day. If you are lucky to have a manager who believes in the minimum working hours policy, you may get to go home early.

Home is equally monotonous. Food, sleep, book, phone, sleep some more. If you are interested in cooking…add one more item to the aforementioned list.

Three years of a lifestyle as sedentary as this and you are sure to turn into the much hyped and over publicized Idiot.

My sincere apologies to The Idiot. Again.

All the Oh-so-important things that these universities and colleges make us cram into our heads during the semesters and all those industrial trainings, certifications and whatever-whatevers that we do to fill up our semester breaks…all of it…all of it…just leads us to the abyss called professional life.

You are so doomed to turn into an Idiot the moment you step into it.

Being a Bachelor in Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering, I currently hold the position of a Software Engineer. Irony? No. That’s how it works here!

I have forgotten how a Push-Pull amplifier works. I have absolutely no memory of Control Systems and Circuit Theory. I vaguely remember something called Bode Plot and Laplace.

So what is it that I know?

I know how to google. I know how to read and understand codes…in whatever language it may be. I know how to pretend that I know everything. I know which error message means what and exactly what will make the error vanish. Oh yes, did I mention, I can manage my juniors, assign tasks to them and get the same completed. I can also politely battle with vendors/clients and come out victorious at the end of the day.

Wow! That did make me feel like I was filling up the annual appraisal form.

Doesn’t Appraisal rhyme with Hike!! I like the effect!

The specifics that I had studied in school are long lost.

I still remember certain facts and pointers. Like, Khudiram was the first martyr of the Struggle for India’s Independence. I remember Iltutmish, he founded the Delhi Sultanate. I also remember a reference to the Slave Dynasty. Nothing more…nothing less.

Charlemagne was this French King who united most of Western Europe during the Middle Ages. There was some reference to France and Germany as well. That’s the most that I remember about him from School anyway.

The Nile basin, Thames…Ukraine…which crop grows where and what are the ideal conditions for growing the same. I have no memory whatsoever.

I dreaded Chemistry. Carbon spooked me out totally. Versatile indeed!

I remember the little fellas…Periplaneta americana and Bufo melanostictus. The names fascinated me. But my interest ended there. Of course, I remember very little about them. Heart partitions, some exoskeletons, endoskeletons and external appendages.

That was school for me.

And then there’s Physics. The love of my life.

One of the reasons why I took up Engineering was Physics.

But how much have I progressed in it since I became a Software Engineer? Blaaaah.

Thanks to the sedentary lifestyle and the inherent desire to just sleep during weekends and off days.

That makes me an Idiot. Once educated, now dumb.

I do feel like going back to some School for further education. Like an MS in Physics or Economics. I am good with Data and Analytics. I could Major on that.

Education is a strange phenomenon. It teaches you 12000 things of which most students remember just 0.25% or less …which is close to some 30 or so odd things. These things will mostly be those that somehow stood out…something that affected you in some way…you may have some memory associated with it…something completely random perhaps. In most cases people remember nothing worthwhile.

23 years of life devoted to Academics and all you remember are things personal to you and what appealed to you. Wow!

Life is an irony in itself and so is education. What remains intact is perhaps our sense of not knowing something. That is persistent…all through life. Take it either ways…knowledge is vast and you cannot know everything…or…I learnt a lot of irrelevant things of which I remember nothing.

So tell me. Which one are you… The Idiot or The Educated?

Come on…be honest!

Belief

I do not believe in YOU.
I do not believe in the "Religion" you preach.
I do not believe in the social norms you have created.
I only believe in ME.

I suppose this is the identity crisis that I faced some 8 months back. I was in a dilemma. I could not bring myself to believe in Fate. Nor did I feel like praying anymore. I did not feel like interacting with any fellow Homo sapiens. The entire point of being a social animal seemed moot.

Ironically, quite contrary to what the fancy Latin name suggests, Humans are inherently unwise, faulty, judgmental...and yes mental as well.
They have somehow managed to create this aura of superiority around themselves and each individual pretends to be an enlightened soul. These Enlightened Souls have this favourite activity of theirs and  they indulge in it actively...they sit on the boundary of your life and judge you.

The more imperfect their own life is, the more they tend to judge you. It's simple logic...their life should be better than yours... comparatively. As long as that holds true they are happy.

Also, they have devised a very powerful tool to modify the simple truths of life. They have given it a face (often countless faces) and an elevated position that simulates fear in the hearts of the masses. The rest is obvious, if you are really that wise! We shall consciously refrain from getting into the details here. You see, Freedom of Speech is hokum!

The main point here is that, no one has the right to judge you. No one is wiser about your life that you are. Most importantly, no one is faultless. There is no super power that is going to ensure that you get a sad and painful after-life. It is all in your hands. Really.

In my previous post, I had spoken about Acceptance. Well, that is one of the most basic ways to realise the much debated and sort after Truth of life.

Plausible misery scenarios:
1. You share your deepest feelings/desires with a friend. He/She breaks your trust and blabbers about it all over the place. Alternately...he/she does not understand you and starts judging you. Either ways you are miserable about it and end up regretting having spoken your heart out to anyone.

2. You love someone dearly and you believe it to be your fairytale love story. After a few years, the love of your life is caught cheating on you. You break down. Stop trusting people. Alternatively...you lose faith in relationships and go wild.

What happens next?
Do the social norms help you? Does praying help at all?

Instead of believing in external sources of strength...take a peak inside. You are stronger that you think you are. You need no deity to pray too. If you want to look at it that way, yes God does reside in YOU.
The society never helps. Its just a stupid illusion that you have been made to believe in all your life. Blissful though this illusion maybe...its time for you to raise your head out of the cocoon and look at the world outside.

Our beliefs are mostly based on the fodder fed to us from birth. We see what we are trained to see. We think what we are meant to think. We do what we are expected to do. We follow a pattern.

You could break it you know, if that made you happy,
You could choose to believe in yourself instead of putting your faith in others or in the unknown.
The happiness is yours and so is the choice.

Be wise.

Acceptance

The day you accept yourself as the person you actually are, you will cease to worry about what others think of you. True. Indeed.

All our life we keep seeking approvals. Its not wrong. It is great to seek a second opinion. Its a very good idea to have Filters in your life. That way you tend to stay on the track that the world calls right. But, when these approvals start defining your life, it is time for you to wake up. What's wrong if you absolutely love vanilla ice cream when you were supposed to like the chocolate flavoured one? Would you give up your choice to meet the expectations extended to you by some xyzee?!

Does it matter so much, what people think? If you can sleep soundly at night and wake up happy, does it matter if you have been able to please twenty other people who absolutely totally care not even remotely about you? 

Parents. Yes, we love them. Dearly. They are supposed to be closest to us. They are supposed to understand us. As long as they see you for who your are.

Blinded by the bright lights of social conventions they may start expecting things from you that make you less of who you actually are and make you a bit like the person you were ideally supposed to become. Not wrong at all. If that makes your a better person, go for it. As long as the Nights are spent in sound sleep and the Mornings are beautiful! It's perfect.

But if that does not hold true for you, do not stop being yourself. If you wake up in the middle of the night, nightmares haunting you...chasing you...blaming you...cursing you to a life long hell... Stop. Rollback the changes. Get your night's sleep. Accept yourself as being imperfect. It's ok. It's perfect.

In a faraway land...as distant as distant can be... it was late at night...and she could not sleep. She kept tossing and turning in her bed. Her pillow had long give up trying to be soft for her. The dreams would never leave her alone. The happy dreams. the dreams she had seen for herself. The perfection that she had imagined...the person she had thought she would be...the dreams of the people she had loved and broken... they would not let her be. She could not face herself in the mirror. The reflection taunted her. It was still perfect. But she was not.

She sought for approval...someone would care to accept her as she was...the people closest to her. All she got was rejection. She could not sleep.

Until that morning when she accepted herself. She realised she was never wrong. She was never perfect and could never be. All she could be was herself. the good and the bad together. She was free. Those dreams stopped and her mornings were beautiful again.

Acceptance, my dear readers...is the Truth...it is Key.