Drift Off

I dont have a cubicle. We, that is our team, sit in a cabin assigned to us. It is great for team building and coordinated work...especially in times of crisis, better known as "Production Issues" in the IT world!
I love corners and places that are a little secluded...preferably a window seat. And I have one! 
In the moments between work...I often look outside and let my mind drift off... A random chain of thoughts corner me...and my imagination leads me from one mental image to another...
The below is the result of one such "Drift Off"

A shadow in my day...
A light in my night.
A star in my sky...
Burning bright.
The smile on my face...
My beauty and my grace.
The rainbow after rain...
The touch that could wipe out all pain.

The leaves in the Fall...
The pretty Princess at the Ball.
The frozen lakes...
And all the Christmas cakes.
The wine and the cheer...
All the seasons I held dear.
One at a time... All was gone...
While I sat in the Spring singing my song.

Music of the Soul

The notes struck the air...

Like a Song breathing Life...

The melody drifted through the damp night...

Along dark alleys and lanes...

And across the dark sky.

Beckoning the aching soul...

The music so divine.

I raced through the dark...

The music carried me...

The rhythm in my heart.

The moon followed.

The night was closing in on me...

Like high walls of a closed room.

And the music played still...within and without.

There you were...

Such beauty and such grace.

You moved with the flow of the rhythm that you played.

Such serenity...such peace...such warmth I felt...

You played.

And the music played in me...

A melody that could trap you or could even set you free.

Like a spark trapped in darkness escapes to light a fire...

We were held captive in a moment of lyrical ecstasy and desire.

The unspoken words lay scattered on the floor...

Notes floating...weaving into one another...

Like molten stars mould together.

The melody brought your voice to me,

And I realised...Music is the language we spoke.

The Real Fairy

Let her sleep...she has been asleep for years now..for almost a century...
The grass grew...the trees grew taller..the creepers covered the cracks on the walls... all was still...frozen in time... she has been asleep for over a century now...let her sleep.
Why wake her from her peaceful slumber...when she can dream of a beautiful world...a garden full of roses and a sky full of stars...a world which knows nothing less than perfection... a world of bliss, a world of love.
Put to sleep by a Fairy...she is dreaming a dream years and years old. A fairy in a black cloak and a pointed hat on a broomstick.
She is Sleeping Beauty...let her sleep.

The journey: Highway

The lone bird seems to have finally found it's way through the darkness. It has found a way home. High above the hills...a small mud hut... warm hearth... and a place to call it's own.
The darkness has been dispersed by the first rays of the morning sun.

That is Highway!
The journey of a Princess who has forever been locked away in the highest tower of the Castle.
She had spent hours by her window. She would gaze with longing at the world outside. She could see the mountains rise high...watch the birds fly...see the streams flow...but never feel them. She could only imagine how it would be to be at one with nature. She had a dream...a hut atop a hill...a warm hearth...a place to call her own...a home. And then, she found it.

Her Prince did come and he did rescued her from the high tower. There was no horse. No shinning armour. No quality that she could see, judge and quantify. No hopes of a happily ever after.

Dragged away from the tower. Kidnapped. Terror was what she felt. The joy of freedom crept in much later. Beneath a star lit sky...the celestial diamonds glistened in her eyes. She realised her existence. Her life suddenly had more meaning.
She felt the joy that was there in her present state of captivity. She could run. She could go back and hide in the high tower, forever protected. But she felt a certain charm in the recklessness that freedom brought with it. She did not desire the security of the high tower. She was bewitched by the way life had unpredictably unfolded before her eyes. She was charmed by the dangers, they teased her. She welcomed the possibilities that life had to offer, they seemed to flirt with her.

A highway with cross-roads. Heart ruling over the mind. Reasons being overshadowed by longings and dreams.
The choices were made.

She loved the thrill. She was living out her dream. She did not desire the destination. Her longings were for the road...it was the journey of life...she craved the highway to never end. She did not want to stop. A little while longer...just a little bit more... and the road never ends...
Like a child, she was at play.

Dreams are not forever. The slumber has to end.
Choices are to be made.
Wakefulness is painful. The dream is so serene.

If we can dream, we can live it. We can run away from the high tower. We can be at peace.
We can feel the streams rushing down the mountains...feel the cool breeze...
We can touch the green grass...feel the dew drops on them...
We can be who we want to be.
We can be fearless. We are all we have for ourselves. We have nothing to lose.
It takes courage.

The highway is to be traveled till we reach ourselves. Till we learn to Live.

A beautiful painting by Imtiaz Ali. No beauty is flawless, as the moon can never be without its craters...
A poetry in motion...a musical journey through the hills, rivers and planes of Life...
The Highway is a modern day Fairytale of sorts.

The Bride's Song

Beads woven together...gold, silver and rhine...

Sparkling in their own bright hue...

The heart is in the Heaven of Delight.

The wind plays a glorious song...

A song of love and faith...

The birds follow the melody and the sound echoes through the vale.

The flowers bloom their prettiest best...
And the bees are all in their prime...
And the eyes all follow the prettiest one as the bride walks down the aisle.

A thousand dreams...and hundred thoughts...

Fear and joy, they merge...

A tear escapes the mother's eyes as she remembers her little one.

All the years of games and play...

Of petty things and fights...

And how she dreamt of the handsome prince, who on her doorstep would alight.

The day has come...and she is trembling, head to toe...

She awaits her prince at the alter today...eyes fixed on the floor...

She counts his footsteps as he makes his way to her...

18 it had to be...neither near, nor too far.

She awaits the man of her dreams...the prince who came from afar...

The dreams she has seen shall soon be true...her heart keeps telling her.

The vows will be spoken...the bonds will be forged...

Two hearts will become one...as she had always longed.

The birds sing outside...

The sunshine spreads itself over the blossoming yard.

She will soon walk though this pretty path

And then her life shall really start.

She knows not how her life will be...

She dreams of all that is good.

She knows not what awaits her outside...

She hopes he will be there for her...just as at the alter now they stood.

The veil is lifted...and she embraces her Life.

Beads woven together...gold, silver and rhine...

Sparkling in their own bright hue...

Her heart is in the Heaven of Delight.

Silence Knocked on My Door

I pulled the blinds open...ever so slightly...

There you were...

The moment I'd heard the knock, I knew it was you.

It was snowing outside...it had been snowing since the night before...

someone had cleared the road though...

The beautiful glowing moonlight danced on the wet street outside...

and I stood there looking at you through the blinds...prettier than the moonlight,

you were here...outside my door.

I had it all planned...

It was going to be our best evening together...

I had the table ready...

candles...flowers...dinner...music...

yes, just the way you could have ever wanted our evening together to be.

It was my love for you...

perhaps I was desparate to make you happy...

or maybe all I wanted was to be with you forever...your hand in mine...our fingers intertwined...

or...perhaps...it was because...I just wanted you back.

The candles had melted away into darkness...

The flowers lay wilted on the floor...

The dinner, long forgotten, lay somewhere, cold...

Yet...the music still played...

It played from somewhere far...

I could hear our laughter...could feel the warmth of your touch...

I stood there by the window...blinds pulled open ever so slightly...

The moon was brilliant tonight...

The pitch black night was silent outside...

And Silence had knocked on my door.

Our Story Sets us Apart

Yes I've heard about you...

come here, sit by my side...

Why don't you tell me the story behind your smile,

Tell me your tale...and I, my Friend, will tell you mine.

yes...everyone has a story, 

something that they call their own,

Everyone has a reason for being who they are...

Its a voice from within that seems to come from afar.

Everyone has a secret...no matter how small...forever untold.

Everyone has a personal Sunshine...a Black Cloud and a Silver Line...

Everyone has driven down one-way roads and have met dead-ends well defined.

At least one bossom friend, we all have to save our back...

At least one foe to drown us in misery and set us off the safe and sound track.

Someone must have changed your life...

...Someone must have loved you back...

Somewhere someone must have brought to you an unexpected smile...

somehow somewhere something must have been denied...

Some dreams unfulfilled...

some songs unsung...

some reason why your heart was broken...

and in your eyes had tears stung.

Everyone has a story...a reason why they lived...

A story so precious that we hold it close to our heart...

hidden from prying eyes...

And it is this...our story...

our story sets us all apart.

A Canvas on the Show

I stood there, numb with pain.

Had I Blood, it would have drenched me...

Had I Voice, it would have cried out by now...

Yet I stood there, still, numb.

I was a beautiful moonlit evening...waves crashing against the shore,

Two love struck stars falling from the sky 

Had paid a priceless visit to me.

I felt so alive in the slivery light 

That the moon, the stars and the sea had cast...

I was so proud just to be.

They all said I was beautiful...spell binding, they exclaimed.

Some desired me...some just admired.

I was a piece of Life captured in a frame...

I loved my hue,

And I loved being Midnight Blue.

Then one day, he came...

He had come for me, I know...

Held me in his arms...so close to his chest

I could almost feel his heart beat for me.

He took me back to his abode,

I was to be his forever, I hoped.

I looked at him with my silent eyes...

Bestowed on him my silver light...

I gave my beauty, my serenity, my love to him...

All that I ever could.

I was his and he was all I had.

But there was someone else too...

Someone beyond my comprehension...

Someone who loved him more...cared more...

Hurt more too...

She had been there when he first met me...

I had seen her approval glance...

Perhaps she loved me too...

But did I care, No.

And then one evening...

The world around me fell apart.

I heard them speak...

There was more noise than all words rioting together can make...

Some storm it was, a storm of love and rage.

Things fell...hearts broke...in Fate's single stroke.

In such anger towards me he came...

And drove his broken heart throught mine. 

He tore open my canvas frame...

Till the stars and the moon all ceased to shine.

I cried out...but in vain...

For I had no voice that could reach his ears.

The gashes on my soul opened wide,

And Midnight Blue I bled in pain.

They moved me...I saw him no more...

They treated me well...and patched me up...

They said I looked as good as new...

They put me up again...a canvas on the show

They said I was pretty but they exclaimed no more...

I was now bruised beyond beauty...

...Just another canvas on the show...

Yet another Page from my Diary

"...So much has changed. So much I have lost...so few things remain. 

A life that I had known has now become a stranger to me. I feel like a stranger to myself. 

I feel like expressing myself but I am too scared to let my truth be known. Yes I fear that I will be reprimanded. I shall be rebuked for my changed ways. I shall no longer to accepted for who I am. I am a mutated version of my old self. My value system has changed. I have struggled enough with my mind and heart and have finally brought them together. Though I may be in agreement with my thoughts and actions now...I fear that the people I once knew...the world that I used to belong to will not feel the same way about me and my values. I feel alienated. I feel like everything that was mine...all the people I knew...every bit of my that I had been familiar with for the last 23years...I have left everything behind. I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel like a stranger inside my own mind.  

Everything is so new that I fear to even search for similarities.

The cold wind reminds me of nothing... the sunshine doesn't bring back any memories to me... the rain does not remind me of long forgotten songs. I don't crave for anything...for I have nothing to crave for...everything is lost.

I can go back to the same old places...visit the same old landmarks....but I shall never find myself anywhere. I died.

My mind relentlessly tries to find justifications for all that I have changed and all that I have lost because of these changes in me. 

It was voluntary I suppose. I wanted the pain to stop...perhaps that itself killed the person that I used to be...and created this new me. 

I had acknowledged my pain...lived in it...with it... taken it to all places with me... It had broken me down... I was a pile of bones...with a tiny bit of life left in me... perhaps my Painkillers killed that pain...and with the pain...I lost the little life that was left in me. And that, I think, was the end.
The feeling of not knowing who one is...where one's roots are...who one belongs to... perhaps this is how the wandering souls feel...

I wonder... I wander... ..."

In Her Backyard

She kept them in her backyard,
pretty ones, she had.
The twinkle in her eyes and...
her dimpled smile forever intact.
The pretty ones were of almost every colour...there were so many shades.
And there she was with her colourful tales...
of unheard music...of pirate ships n sails...
she spoke of fragnances of distant lands...
she spoke of hues unseen...
she spoke of walks down hilly roads...
she spoke of how the gold used to cover the greens...
she spoke of how bright light used to be...
her tales were as old as the lost kings n queens...
and...
i dreamt of a land...as pretty as the backyard...
i dreamt of all the shades she had...
i wanted to feel all that she spoke of...
the profound joy and love that she still has...

I sit here today...
as alone as i can ever be...
in a cradle rocked by agony...
in vain shall i search...forever and for more...
for in her backyard she would never let me go...
i shall search forever more...for a piece of Heaven
that i shall pray that it would be...
in my own backyard...for me.
sometimes you just need to feel...
sometimes u dont need to see...
At times what u see is how u feel...
And not how things are meant to be.
sometimes its all that u have ever had...
and...
at times its all that there can ever be.

composed in coorg...December 2012

The Smoke and the Hills

The cold wind blew through me...piercing me with its icy spears.... it didn't pain...not the way it used to. I thought ... perhaps its over...perhaps the wounds have finally healed.

I was walking through the rain... the saline drops tasted sweet...
I kept walking through the darkness...

Smoldering remains of a distant dream...the smoke, a mere puff of life...
i waited...still...

and then one morning the sun suddenly shone bright...the brilliance of its light almost blinded my eyes...
the overpowering...over whelming light broke through the darkness...the smoke dispersed...
the wind spoke in my ears...the greens smiled at me...and the birds sang lyrical poetry...
i could feel life rushing through my veins...i could feel my heartbeat once again...
the white cotton clouds floating in the sky.,,gave me wings...and then i felt free...yes, i could really fly...

but the clouds grew stronger...and stronger still... they turned gray...and then black....
they moved ominously across the sky...
the light grew weaker...and weaker still...
the force of life ceased...
the birds chirped...but softly....
the green grew dull against the gray...

the hills in the distance were covered by smokey clouds...the smoldering remains of my long lost dreams...the smoke, a mere puff of life...