The Idiot and The Educated

My sincere apologies to The Idiot.

The Educated might give me a look…one that reads “Seriously! Do you need to do this?”

Education is a bag full of books. Education is weekly tests, unit tests and term tests.

Ask 10 random students on any random street why they are studying. 8 will tell you that a good education ensures a good job. The other 2 might grow up to be Research Fellows in reputed Institutions!

I am not a Research Fellow. Maybe, I could have been…but I am not. We will shoot off an altogether different tangent if we followed this train of thoughts now.

Let’s just get to the point.

The IT professional has a pretty stereotype life. System, code editor, outlook, coffee, occasional text from that guy or girl you are dating, periodically checking the groups put on mute to see if something exciting is lined up for the weekend. That’s it. Some 9.5-10 hours of such randomness and you are done for the day. If you are lucky to have a manager who believes in the minimum working hours policy, you may get to go home early.

Home is equally monotonous. Food, sleep, book, phone, sleep some more. If you are interested in cooking…add one more item to the aforementioned list.

Three years of a lifestyle as sedentary as this and you are sure to turn into the much hyped and over publicized Idiot.

My sincere apologies to The Idiot. Again.

All the Oh-so-important things that these universities and colleges make us cram into our heads during the semesters and all those industrial trainings, certifications and whatever-whatevers that we do to fill up our semester breaks…all of it…all of it…just leads us to the abyss called professional life.

You are so doomed to turn into an Idiot the moment you step into it.

Being a Bachelor in Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering, I currently hold the position of a Software Engineer. Irony? No. That’s how it works here!

I have forgotten how a Push-Pull amplifier works. I have absolutely no memory of Control Systems and Circuit Theory. I vaguely remember something called Bode Plot and Laplace.

So what is it that I know?

I know how to google. I know how to read and understand codes…in whatever language it may be. I know how to pretend that I know everything. I know which error message means what and exactly what will make the error vanish. Oh yes, did I mention, I can manage my juniors, assign tasks to them and get the same completed. I can also politely battle with vendors/clients and come out victorious at the end of the day.

Wow! That did make me feel like I was filling up the annual appraisal form.

Doesn’t Appraisal rhyme with Hike!! I like the effect!

The specifics that I had studied in school are long lost.

I still remember certain facts and pointers. Like, Khudiram was the first martyr of the Struggle for India’s Independence. I remember Iltutmish, he founded the Delhi Sultanate. I also remember a reference to the Slave Dynasty. Nothing more…nothing less.

Charlemagne was this French King who united most of Western Europe during the Middle Ages. There was some reference to France and Germany as well. That’s the most that I remember about him from School anyway.

The Nile basin, Thames…Ukraine…which crop grows where and what are the ideal conditions for growing the same. I have no memory whatsoever.

I dreaded Chemistry. Carbon spooked me out totally. Versatile indeed!

I remember the little fellas…Periplaneta americana and Bufo melanostictus. The names fascinated me. But my interest ended there. Of course, I remember very little about them. Heart partitions, some exoskeletons, endoskeletons and external appendages.

That was school for me.

And then there’s Physics. The love of my life.

One of the reasons why I took up Engineering was Physics.

But how much have I progressed in it since I became a Software Engineer? Blaaaah.

Thanks to the sedentary lifestyle and the inherent desire to just sleep during weekends and off days.

That makes me an Idiot. Once educated, now dumb.

I do feel like going back to some School for further education. Like an MS in Physics or Economics. I am good with Data and Analytics. I could Major on that.

Education is a strange phenomenon. It teaches you 12000 things of which most students remember just 0.25% or less …which is close to some 30 or so odd things. These things will mostly be those that somehow stood out…something that affected you in some way…you may have some memory associated with it…something completely random perhaps. In most cases people remember nothing worthwhile.

23 years of life devoted to Academics and all you remember are things personal to you and what appealed to you. Wow!

Life is an irony in itself and so is education. What remains intact is perhaps our sense of not knowing something. That is persistent…all through life. Take it either ways…knowledge is vast and you cannot know everything…or…I learnt a lot of irrelevant things of which I remember nothing.

So tell me. Which one are you… The Idiot or The Educated?

Come on…be honest!

Belief

I do not believe in YOU.
I do not believe in the "Religion" you preach.
I do not believe in the social norms you have created.
I only believe in ME.

I suppose this is the identity crisis that I faced some 8 months back. I was in a dilemma. I could not bring myself to believe in Fate. Nor did I feel like praying anymore. I did not feel like interacting with any fellow Homo sapiens. The entire point of being a social animal seemed moot.

Ironically, quite contrary to what the fancy Latin name suggests, Humans are inherently unwise, faulty, judgmental...and yes mental as well.
They have somehow managed to create this aura of superiority around themselves and each individual pretends to be an enlightened soul. These Enlightened Souls have this favourite activity of theirs and  they indulge in it actively...they sit on the boundary of your life and judge you.

The more imperfect their own life is, the more they tend to judge you. It's simple logic...their life should be better than yours... comparatively. As long as that holds true they are happy.

Also, they have devised a very powerful tool to modify the simple truths of life. They have given it a face (often countless faces) and an elevated position that simulates fear in the hearts of the masses. The rest is obvious, if you are really that wise! We shall consciously refrain from getting into the details here. You see, Freedom of Speech is hokum!

The main point here is that, no one has the right to judge you. No one is wiser about your life that you are. Most importantly, no one is faultless. There is no super power that is going to ensure that you get a sad and painful after-life. It is all in your hands. Really.

In my previous post, I had spoken about Acceptance. Well, that is one of the most basic ways to realise the much debated and sort after Truth of life.

Plausible misery scenarios:
1. You share your deepest feelings/desires with a friend. He/She breaks your trust and blabbers about it all over the place. Alternately...he/she does not understand you and starts judging you. Either ways you are miserable about it and end up regretting having spoken your heart out to anyone.

2. You love someone dearly and you believe it to be your fairytale love story. After a few years, the love of your life is caught cheating on you. You break down. Stop trusting people. Alternatively...you lose faith in relationships and go wild.

What happens next?
Do the social norms help you? Does praying help at all?

Instead of believing in external sources of strength...take a peak inside. You are stronger that you think you are. You need no deity to pray too. If you want to look at it that way, yes God does reside in YOU.
The society never helps. Its just a stupid illusion that you have been made to believe in all your life. Blissful though this illusion maybe...its time for you to raise your head out of the cocoon and look at the world outside.

Our beliefs are mostly based on the fodder fed to us from birth. We see what we are trained to see. We think what we are meant to think. We do what we are expected to do. We follow a pattern.

You could break it you know, if that made you happy,
You could choose to believe in yourself instead of putting your faith in others or in the unknown.
The happiness is yours and so is the choice.

Be wise.

Acceptance

The day you accept yourself as the person you actually are, you will cease to worry about what others think of you. True. Indeed.

All our life we keep seeking approvals. Its not wrong. It is great to seek a second opinion. Its a very good idea to have Filters in your life. That way you tend to stay on the track that the world calls right. But, when these approvals start defining your life, it is time for you to wake up. What's wrong if you absolutely love vanilla ice cream when you were supposed to like the chocolate flavoured one? Would you give up your choice to meet the expectations extended to you by some xyzee?!

Does it matter so much, what people think? If you can sleep soundly at night and wake up happy, does it matter if you have been able to please twenty other people who absolutely totally care not even remotely about you? 

Parents. Yes, we love them. Dearly. They are supposed to be closest to us. They are supposed to understand us. As long as they see you for who your are.

Blinded by the bright lights of social conventions they may start expecting things from you that make you less of who you actually are and make you a bit like the person you were ideally supposed to become. Not wrong at all. If that makes your a better person, go for it. As long as the Nights are spent in sound sleep and the Mornings are beautiful! It's perfect.

But if that does not hold true for you, do not stop being yourself. If you wake up in the middle of the night, nightmares haunting you...chasing you...blaming you...cursing you to a life long hell... Stop. Rollback the changes. Get your night's sleep. Accept yourself as being imperfect. It's ok. It's perfect.

In a faraway land...as distant as distant can be... it was late at night...and she could not sleep. She kept tossing and turning in her bed. Her pillow had long give up trying to be soft for her. The dreams would never leave her alone. The happy dreams. the dreams she had seen for herself. The perfection that she had imagined...the person she had thought she would be...the dreams of the people she had loved and broken... they would not let her be. She could not face herself in the mirror. The reflection taunted her. It was still perfect. But she was not.

She sought for approval...someone would care to accept her as she was...the people closest to her. All she got was rejection. She could not sleep.

Until that morning when she accepted herself. She realised she was never wrong. She was never perfect and could never be. All she could be was herself. the good and the bad together. She was free. Those dreams stopped and her mornings were beautiful again.

Acceptance, my dear readers...is the Truth...it is Key.

Drift Off

I dont have a cubicle. We, that is our team, sit in a cabin assigned to us. It is great for team building and coordinated work...especially in times of crisis, better known as "Production Issues" in the IT world!
I love corners and places that are a little secluded...preferably a window seat. And I have one! 
In the moments between work...I often look outside and let my mind drift off... A random chain of thoughts corner me...and my imagination leads me from one mental image to another...
The below is the result of one such "Drift Off"

A shadow in my day...
A light in my night.
A star in my sky...
Burning bright.
The smile on my face...
My beauty and my grace.
The rainbow after rain...
The touch that could wipe out all pain.

The leaves in the Fall...
The pretty Princess at the Ball.
The frozen lakes...
And all the Christmas cakes.
The wine and the cheer...
All the seasons I held dear.
One at a time... All was gone...
While I sat in the Spring singing my song.

Music of the Soul

The notes struck the air...

Like a Song breathing Life...

The melody drifted through the damp night...

Along dark alleys and lanes...

And across the dark sky.

Beckoning the aching soul...

The music so divine.

I raced through the dark...

The music carried me...

The rhythm in my heart.

The moon followed.

The night was closing in on me...

Like high walls of a closed room.

And the music played still...within and without.

There you were...

Such beauty and such grace.

You moved with the flow of the rhythm that you played.

Such serenity...such peace...such warmth I felt...

You played.

And the music played in me...

A melody that could trap you or could even set you free.

Like a spark trapped in darkness escapes to light a fire...

We were held captive in a moment of lyrical ecstasy and desire.

The unspoken words lay scattered on the floor...

Notes floating...weaving into one another...

Like molten stars mould together.

The melody brought your voice to me,

And I realised...Music is the language we spoke.

The Real Fairy

Let her sleep...she has been asleep for years now..for almost a century...
The grass grew...the trees grew taller..the creepers covered the cracks on the walls... all was still...frozen in time... she has been asleep for over a century now...let her sleep.
Why wake her from her peaceful slumber...when she can dream of a beautiful world...a garden full of roses and a sky full of stars...a world which knows nothing less than perfection... a world of bliss, a world of love.
Put to sleep by a Fairy...she is dreaming a dream years and years old. A fairy in a black cloak and a pointed hat on a broomstick.
She is Sleeping Beauty...let her sleep.

The journey: Highway

The lone bird seems to have finally found it's way through the darkness. It has found a way home. High above the hills...a small mud hut... warm hearth... and a place to call it's own.
The darkness has been dispersed by the first rays of the morning sun.

That is Highway!
The journey of a Princess who has forever been locked away in the highest tower of the Castle.
She had spent hours by her window. She would gaze with longing at the world outside. She could see the mountains rise high...watch the birds fly...see the streams flow...but never feel them. She could only imagine how it would be to be at one with nature. She had a dream...a hut atop a hill...a warm hearth...a place to call her own...a home. And then, she found it.

Her Prince did come and he did rescued her from the high tower. There was no horse. No shinning armour. No quality that she could see, judge and quantify. No hopes of a happily ever after.

Dragged away from the tower. Kidnapped. Terror was what she felt. The joy of freedom crept in much later. Beneath a star lit sky...the celestial diamonds glistened in her eyes. She realised her existence. Her life suddenly had more meaning.
She felt the joy that was there in her present state of captivity. She could run. She could go back and hide in the high tower, forever protected. But she felt a certain charm in the recklessness that freedom brought with it. She did not desire the security of the high tower. She was bewitched by the way life had unpredictably unfolded before her eyes. She was charmed by the dangers, they teased her. She welcomed the possibilities that life had to offer, they seemed to flirt with her.

A highway with cross-roads. Heart ruling over the mind. Reasons being overshadowed by longings and dreams.
The choices were made.

She loved the thrill. She was living out her dream. She did not desire the destination. Her longings were for the road...it was the journey of life...she craved the highway to never end. She did not want to stop. A little while longer...just a little bit more... and the road never ends...
Like a child, she was at play.

Dreams are not forever. The slumber has to end.
Choices are to be made.
Wakefulness is painful. The dream is so serene.

If we can dream, we can live it. We can run away from the high tower. We can be at peace.
We can feel the streams rushing down the mountains...feel the cool breeze...
We can touch the green grass...feel the dew drops on them...
We can be who we want to be.
We can be fearless. We are all we have for ourselves. We have nothing to lose.
It takes courage.

The highway is to be traveled till we reach ourselves. Till we learn to Live.

A beautiful painting by Imtiaz Ali. No beauty is flawless, as the moon can never be without its craters...
A poetry in motion...a musical journey through the hills, rivers and planes of Life...
The Highway is a modern day Fairytale of sorts.

The Bride's Song

Beads woven together...gold, silver and rhine...

Sparkling in their own bright hue...

The heart is in the Heaven of Delight.

The wind plays a glorious song...

A song of love and faith...

The birds follow the melody and the sound echoes through the vale.

The flowers bloom their prettiest best...
And the bees are all in their prime...
And the eyes all follow the prettiest one as the bride walks down the aisle.

A thousand dreams...and hundred thoughts...

Fear and joy, they merge...

A tear escapes the mother's eyes as she remembers her little one.

All the years of games and play...

Of petty things and fights...

And how she dreamt of the handsome prince, who on her doorstep would alight.

The day has come...and she is trembling, head to toe...

She awaits her prince at the alter today...eyes fixed on the floor...

She counts his footsteps as he makes his way to her...

18 it had to be...neither near, nor too far.

She awaits the man of her dreams...the prince who came from afar...

The dreams she has seen shall soon be true...her heart keeps telling her.

The vows will be spoken...the bonds will be forged...

Two hearts will become one...as she had always longed.

The birds sing outside...

The sunshine spreads itself over the blossoming yard.

She will soon walk though this pretty path

And then her life shall really start.

She knows not how her life will be...

She dreams of all that is good.

She knows not what awaits her outside...

She hopes he will be there for her...just as at the alter now they stood.

The veil is lifted...and she embraces her Life.

Beads woven together...gold, silver and rhine...

Sparkling in their own bright hue...

Her heart is in the Heaven of Delight.

Silence Knocked on My Door

I pulled the blinds open...ever so slightly...

There you were...

The moment I'd heard the knock, I knew it was you.

It was snowing outside...it had been snowing since the night before...

someone had cleared the road though...

The beautiful glowing moonlight danced on the wet street outside...

and I stood there looking at you through the blinds...prettier than the moonlight,

you were here...outside my door.

I had it all planned...

It was going to be our best evening together...

I had the table ready...

candles...flowers...dinner...music...

yes, just the way you could have ever wanted our evening together to be.

It was my love for you...

perhaps I was desparate to make you happy...

or maybe all I wanted was to be with you forever...your hand in mine...our fingers intertwined...

or...perhaps...it was because...I just wanted you back.

The candles had melted away into darkness...

The flowers lay wilted on the floor...

The dinner, long forgotten, lay somewhere, cold...

Yet...the music still played...

It played from somewhere far...

I could hear our laughter...could feel the warmth of your touch...

I stood there by the window...blinds pulled open ever so slightly...

The moon was brilliant tonight...

The pitch black night was silent outside...

And Silence had knocked on my door.

Our Story Sets us Apart

Yes I've heard about you...

come here, sit by my side...

Why don't you tell me the story behind your smile,

Tell me your tale...and I, my Friend, will tell you mine.

yes...everyone has a story, 

something that they call their own,

Everyone has a reason for being who they are...

Its a voice from within that seems to come from afar.

Everyone has a secret...no matter how small...forever untold.

Everyone has a personal Sunshine...a Black Cloud and a Silver Line...

Everyone has driven down one-way roads and have met dead-ends well defined.

At least one bossom friend, we all have to save our back...

At least one foe to drown us in misery and set us off the safe and sound track.

Someone must have changed your life...

...Someone must have loved you back...

Somewhere someone must have brought to you an unexpected smile...

somehow somewhere something must have been denied...

Some dreams unfulfilled...

some songs unsung...

some reason why your heart was broken...

and in your eyes had tears stung.

Everyone has a story...a reason why they lived...

A story so precious that we hold it close to our heart...

hidden from prying eyes...

And it is this...our story...

our story sets us all apart.

A Canvas on the Show

I stood there, numb with pain.

Had I Blood, it would have drenched me...

Had I Voice, it would have cried out by now...

Yet I stood there, still, numb.

I was a beautiful moonlit evening...waves crashing against the shore,

Two love struck stars falling from the sky 

Had paid a priceless visit to me.

I felt so alive in the slivery light 

That the moon, the stars and the sea had cast...

I was so proud just to be.

They all said I was beautiful...spell binding, they exclaimed.

Some desired me...some just admired.

I was a piece of Life captured in a frame...

I loved my hue,

And I loved being Midnight Blue.

Then one day, he came...

He had come for me, I know...

Held me in his arms...so close to his chest

I could almost feel his heart beat for me.

He took me back to his abode,

I was to be his forever, I hoped.

I looked at him with my silent eyes...

Bestowed on him my silver light...

I gave my beauty, my serenity, my love to him...

All that I ever could.

I was his and he was all I had.

But there was someone else too...

Someone beyond my comprehension...

Someone who loved him more...cared more...

Hurt more too...

She had been there when he first met me...

I had seen her approval glance...

Perhaps she loved me too...

But did I care, No.

And then one evening...

The world around me fell apart.

I heard them speak...

There was more noise than all words rioting together can make...

Some storm it was, a storm of love and rage.

Things fell...hearts broke...in Fate's single stroke.

In such anger towards me he came...

And drove his broken heart throught mine. 

He tore open my canvas frame...

Till the stars and the moon all ceased to shine.

I cried out...but in vain...

For I had no voice that could reach his ears.

The gashes on my soul opened wide,

And Midnight Blue I bled in pain.

They moved me...I saw him no more...

They treated me well...and patched me up...

They said I looked as good as new...

They put me up again...a canvas on the show

They said I was pretty but they exclaimed no more...

I was now bruised beyond beauty...

...Just another canvas on the show...