happiness...assurance...alone

a tiny flicker of light...in a world full of darkness and gloom...
a gust of wind...and the light is gone.
this is happiness. it was here now....n now itself the happiness was gone!

i guess everyone's life is strange in some way or the other....n mine is no exception.
its just that strange is a bit too strange for me.
i wish for constants...n my life remains surrounded by variables.
i desire certainty...an assurance that there is someone or something that i can rely on...fall back on when nobody or nothing is there for me. but every time i come close to this assurance...i get lost. i lose myself in a strange darkness where am all alone... n if am lucky i manage to find my way out...but i remain alone with no certainty, no assurance that all is going to be well. i know nothing can be well all through but its that assurance that matters. it gives hope...n the strength to go on.
i just wish for these words..."don't worry. everything is going to be fine."

i miss my parents and home a lot these days. i miss the feeling of belonging that i associate with my home.
life at hostel is beautiful. my friends are Angels....had it not been for them i would have not managed to live through the darkest phases of my life. they are the assurance that i have here...  their touch...their look...they way they hug me when i have tears in my eyes n then softly whisper in my ears those three magical words... "all izz well".
i fear how i will manage once am outside...away from them all... with them busy in their lives where will i find my assurance.
its true...Rons and Hermiones do exist... i have many around me!

n yet...i dread being alone. "alone" is a thought that kills me...
not fully maybe...but yes...i am human after all.