feelings...or fear...??

I close my eyes...trying to shut out my feelings... some things are best left unexpressed...unsaid...unheard...
some feeling are best left unfelt. Feelings or fear?? which am i trying to shut out? the fear of losing myself to emotions...the fear of losing my independence...my rationality...what is my fear? rooted deep within me..a fear...a fear that i fear to acknowledge. Acknowledgement...is that my biggest fear? do i want to leave my feelings unfelt...do i want to hide forever from the realm of emotions...?? where am i seeking refuge?
but this time there is a difference...am not confused...i know what am feeling...and this time, i dont know why i am not being able to listen to my mind alone. its my heart thats doing the speaking....my mind seems to have taken a back seat. and am loving this feeling..the feeling of not fearing my feelings...of letting my heart rule my mind...
a thousand emotions flooding my mind...just one predominant thought...
A friend had once said,"You dont have time for emotions...so you wont give emotions time..."
Really??

hearts...friends...bonds...

DSC01301, originally uploaded by SayaniMukherjee.

these hearts were specially designed n created by an uniquely creative artist who ate the chocolates n made hearts out of the wrappers...yes friends, am talking about none other than Mr. Anirban Saha!!

arranged n clicked by me...all short-comings are mine :P

The lone Light

11:59pm: an empty street...silence echoing through the Darkness...
                the lone street lamp at the far end of the road flickered and...
                finally gave up its battle to stay awake.
                all asleep...chilled by the already chilly night...
                senses had gone numb...and feelings were all frozen by the intense fog.
                cold...wrapped in a blanket...face barely visible in the light cast by the moon...walked a figure.
                a strange dampness enveloping the Soul...
                lone Warrior of Life...or perhaps a Survivor of Time...

                the silence had been broken...and the footsteps reverberated through the night...
                through the heart of the sleeping road... 
                senses could now feel...and every step had its perception.


12am:     we held hands...
               and, once again i was walking...
               walking along the road to Life... 

A Demise: An End

A Confession: Am not a political expert nor am i much interested politics. But i'm interested in people and how they mould the History of our World with their own hands.


Jyotirindra(better known as Jyoti) Basu: a leader, an icon...a man who reigned over Bengal for over two decades, 23 yrs to be precise. Died yesterday, 17th January 2010, at 11:47pm. With him ended an era...almost a century...a chapter closed in the history of Bengal.
Bengal has always played an important part in shaping or at least contributing to the history of our country. It was in Bengal that Nawab Siraj-ud-duallah lost the skirmish, dubbed in History as the Battle of Plassey. Bengal was the only state in India to witness Renaissance. Bengal was home to Rabindranath Tagore, Mother Teresa, Amartya Sen...even Ronald Ross worked in Bengal. Jagadishchandra Bose, Prafullachandra, Vidyasagar, Kazi Nazrul Islam, Michael Madhusudan Dutta. Bengal gave India her first Martyr...Khudiram was the first to die in India's struggle for Freedom... Raja Rammohon Roy ("the first Modern Man of India"-Rabindranath Tagore)...Netaji...
Bengal gave to the country Swami Vivekananda, Sri Ramkrishna....
Bengal was the only Indian state which was said to have had maintained its independent existence right through the ages...remember Gopala, Bengal's Raja....he was elected by the people to rule the people for the people!
Uncountable contributions...lets not count them any more. Except this one...the man named Jyoti Basu.
His achievements, his victories...also his failures, yes he did have his shortcomings...his 23 yrs as CM of West Bengal has given India a reason to add a new chapter to its History.
Initially what Basu had done in his reign, was a need of the hour. But two decades were a bit too long. His ideas got stagnated. The world changed but his outlook remained just the same. Finally in the year 2000, he stepped down from the post of CM of West Bengal. Even after stepping down from his political post, his connections and allies remained. The respect people had for him remained. And Basu remained in Indira Bhavan.
At 96 yrs of age, Basu breathed his last in AMRI hospital Salt Lake, after fighting for his life for 17 days. He has reportedly donated his eyes. The very eyes which saw the world for 96 yrs...fought battles...sought arguments...planned strategies...shed tears...and even loved....
Basu believed: "it is man and man alone who creates history..." 
...and he did create history.
 Even in death he created History. He is the only India politician to be a trending topic on Twitter that too twice....see that too counts as history...genZ type!!

"Come...lets explore this world together..."

Dinner time. Mom, Dad, me and someone else. Everything is same...just as always...except this new person. Who is this? Who is the new person on the table? By her looks...she's older than me. perhaps a couple of years...no more...around 6yrs maybe. A lady...someone i look up to...but who is she? who? Mom n dad are behaving so strangely. As if, they've known her for years...and i'm so happy. Why am i getting the feeling that i've known her all my life? she's someone close to me....i know that. she even looks familiar...she is very close to me. She's someone who cares for me... But, who is she?

She started helping mom serve the food. damn...didnt i always do it...?? who is she? she picked up my plate and served the food on it. placed it back infront of me and smiled. And then i understood....it was me...just an older version...as if my elder sister...loving me, caring for me.

and that was my dream...the one i saw this morning. strange...how something we long for...the thoughts that we push to our subconscious gets transformed into our dreams.

Am an only child and i've always longed for a sibling. Always.The feeling of always having someone to fall back upon...the feeling of being protected...of having someone to stand in when mom n dad are not around...

I have always longed for an older sibling. but a younger one would have also been good enough...but alas i have none.

Its a special bond..very special. A bond that can hardly be explained in words. What i felt in my dream today...i'd never felt that before...not for the thousands of cousins i have...not even for my nearest n dearest cousins. What i felt was a strange warmth...

Two brothers...hand in hand. A promise of togetherness...of closeness...of concern... Its a strength...

its a love so very pure...

its a feeling so very dear...

its a bond...

its brotherhood.

Those fights and squabbles...those kicks and punches...its all love...a strange love. default type...unconditional...

"Brother, if you get lost in the crowd....and never want to be found...I promise to lose myself with you...i'll never leave your side. You will never be alone. Come...lets explore this world together..."

 photo courtsey: Anirban Saha

# iconic Jyoti Basu: Alive or dead??

Trust me, this is crazy...

check this out...at twitter

Realtime results for jyoti basu dead 

slaith @sahaanirban I dun get it. Is Jyoti Basu dead or nt? less than a minute ago 

Ok...let me explain. This afternoon i saw a tweet which claimed that Mr. Jyoti Basu (aged 96), Ex-CM of West Bengal, has passed away today, 6th Jan 2010. there were retweets of that tweet and soon the entire Social Networking Community came alive with the news of Mr. Basu's death.

Media reports and Medical Bulletins insisted that Basu was still alive but on life support.

Confused?? Join the club, so am I.

Google it...you'll get a variety of search results. Some confidently report his death, some report other reports of his death while the rest remain uncommittal about his health condition.

even Wikipedia reported Basu as being dead...but later edited the content as Basu's death remained unconfirmed.

Basu was Chief Minister of West Bengal from June 1977 until November 2000, heading a Left Front government led by his Communist Party of India-Marxist (CPI-M). He stepped down on health grounds. 

Chronology of events:

Kolkata, Jan. 1, 2010: Jyoti Basu was hospitalised with pneumonia. Since Thursday, Basu had been suffering from chest congestion and having trouble breathing. He also had a cough and had been put on a semi-solid diet.

Doctors conducted a chest X-ray. And, at around 5.45pm, he was shifted to the hospital and a CT scan and blood tests were done and pneumonia was confirmed.

Kolkata, Jan. 3, 2010: Jyoti Basu had to undergo blood transfusion on Saturday night and Sunday evening after his haemoglobin level dipped. A BiPap machine was being used to pump air into Basu’s lungs.

Kolkata, Jan. 6, 2010: Later on Wednesday morning he was put on ventilator. Rumours of his death started in the afternoon.

As of now the truth remains in the hospital room...with the Ex-CM and perhaps a few 

selected individuals.

The use of ventilator or life support clearly indicates major deterioration in health condition. Often death is masked by the use of such devices.

Political play or media fad??

Remember a certain Mr. Priyoranjan Das Munshi?? he was on life support n ventilator for almost 8 months or more. German doctors had assured stem cell cure. All at the Govt.'s expenses. He has recently been put off life support. Supposedly his respiration has improved but his neurological condition remains unchanged.

The truth remains veiled.


information sources: Telegraph, Google.

Promises 2010

I don't really believe in resolutions. Every year i make the same resolution...that of not making any resolution. This year too is not an exception to the rule. Am not making any resolutions. Instead i'll make some promises. And these promises will be made to God...and promises made to God are never meant to be broken.

1. I shall try to improve myself in every way...academics, nature...every way.

2. I'll try not have ice creams and puchka...will try to avoid them as much as possible.

3. I would do my best to ensure that the people i care for are happy.

4. I will not trust anyone blindly.

Thats enough i guess. If any more promises get added to the list i'll update them here!

Date: 03/01/10 :First post of 2010

To the World its the third day of the second decade of the 21st century.
To me its one of the best-est days of my life...
let me first talk about the last day of the first decade of this century...31st Dec '09. It was a great end to a great year. The Kolkata Tweetup at Mani Square just rocked!! Anirban's James Bond taxi driver...the crazy trip to the Scary House (at Mani Square)...the crazy foodie visit to McDonald's and the super crazy run across the busy EM bypass side road...the mad balloon and the silly Docomo song...it was a MAD evening!!
But that was last year. Trust me, back home that night...i had just one feeling...that of happiness...i was super happy...n a little scared. I don't want anything to happen to this happiness...its just too precious to lose.
On 1st Jan I planned a trip to my Grandparents house...my Grandparents were overjoyed to see me. Got super pampered. Loved every moment of it! My Grandfather took a keen interest in blogging. He loved the concept of Sa'matri'yoni.
And today...finally 3rd Jan. Praveen, Anirban and me...Kolkata was never more joyful...the traffic was never more frustrating...the Ganga was never so beautiful...the breeze was never more pleasant...today was a memorable day. Victoria...the Monkey show (worth 70 bucks!! huh!?!)...the roadside fresh lime soda (Praveen taught me the proper name but i've forgotten it...have to ask him again)...the waaaaaaaaalk to Baboo Ghat...the sugarcane juice...our madness...Praveen and Anirban's camera...Anirban's non-stop photography...the steamer ride...the beautiful Ganga...and then finally "home-ground", City Centre.
It was a day well beyond my Rulebook life...a day i spent with my two most favourite people in this world! Am going to remember this day all my life...and recall these crazy memories when my hair'll be all grey and most of my teeth will be gone!! :-P
Am looking forward to 2010...am sure the rest of the year's going to be awesome!!
Thank you Mr.God...for everything!
Happy 2010 everyone!