Monday, November 14, 2011

The Last One...


some things remain incomplete forever.... perhaps they are meant to be that way... and we have to accept them as such...

the uneasy feeling of incompleteness gnaws our soul...we burn inside in the fire of the desire to be complete again...a desire than can never come true...a wish that is destined to remain unfulfilled forever....
...n still try to be happy...try to live...hoping that some day peace would descend on us...someday our prayers will be answered.

...and then one day....life becomes irrelevant....and the prayer changes...the wish changes....

.....My Prayer...My Last Wish...

".....bring me closer to the End
take me closer to you...
End my pain...

In those last few moments of Life...
I shall find peace...solace...
My wings shall be reborn...
N i shall fly...
Free.
In those last few moments....
I shall find
Me.

I will smile one last smile...
The one smile in so many years...
N the world shall smile at me...
Contentment...on its face.

I shall care no more..
No worldly treasures can touch me again...
I shall be at peace...

In my last breath i shall smile...for
I shall be forever free....
with You near me...

Take me closer to You...
Take me closer to my peace...
Take me closer to the End."


Friday, November 11, 2011

Rockstar: My Take




"Ting linga linga lina...
ting linga linga ling...."




"Rockstar"....is much more than what meets the eye. It is the story of Jordan, the Rockstar \m/ .....yet it is more than the rags to riches story of a simple Delhi boy who had always had the dream of being a music sensation.
It is the story of a boy who used to audition relentlessly and face rejection every single time for not having the "zing" or the persona of a Star. It is the story of a boy who was told that the only thing that could make him stand out...make him a true Rockstar...is PAIN. Intense pain. And so...off goes the boy...in search of the same.
And then...one day, the Rockstar breaks down...

This fame, this success...i don't want any of it. Just don't let my heart break...please... he pleads.

"...Katiya karoon Katiya karoon
Tera roo katiya karoon
 Tera roo tera roo tera roo roo roo..."

Rockstar is a love story...enveloped in the tale of the meteoric rise of a music sensation.
This movie explores love in a different way altogether.
Janardhan Jakhar, a simple Delhi boy, fishing for a heartbreak...which according to his mentor is the only way to become a true-blue Rockstar like his idol Jim Morrison...is drawn towards the beautiful sophisticated and curious Heer.

Friendship takes a deep plunge and transforms companionship into love.
Circumstances drift them apart...and it is again these circumstances that bring them together...only to part them yet again...
Eventually his love for Heer breaks him apart...completely.

Jordan evolves... "The unshaven, troubled, defiant, long-haired music sensation with a peculiar, rustic wardrobe, the making of Janardhan Jakhar to Jordan is an offshoot of his fickle equation with the woman he loves."

He had once expressed his amazement as to why an entire crowd applauded Morrison when he raised his middle finger in public.... and then one day, he, himself, raises his finger and proclaims....

"...Sadda Haq Aithe Rakh..."

This is a story of transformation through the experience of pain. Pain may not be a welcome emotion. Yet it is a part of our existence. Some perceive it to the extent of making it their life...while some live though it all and try to look at the sunshine rather than the clouds in the sky.
Jordan looks at the clouds. Perhaps he is too emotional...perhaps he is too sensitive. From a boy who had never had the chance to worry about his basic necessities...had a family...a life... Janardhan seeks out pain and lives it to be successful. In the end his success eats him up...his pain gnaws him from inside...and he says..
am not happy inside...ander ek jalan si hai...

It is neither a standalone story about the rise-of-an-underdog who goes on to become one of the  biggest rockstars ever nor is it merely a love story with a rockstar backdrop. The director somewhere attempts to correlate the rockstar's rise with his romance. There is a constant play in the narrative which moves backwards then forwards then again backward and finally stops in the present. The first half opens on a very high note... and the film ends with the same sequence. But this time its a different note...there is an overtone of sadness, of pain...of loss...

There is a sense of a desire for reconciliation with one's true identity. There is a sense of the desire for true happiness. There is a sense of a desire for love that is slipping away with every heartbeat.
Jordan sings...
"O Nadaan Parindey ghar aaja
O Nadaan Parindey ghar aaja"

The director, Imtiaz Ali, tells a story of love, loss, pain and treacherous success in an intricate way. The storytelling is crisp. Anil Mehta's cinematography is brilliant. And, needless to say, A.R. Rahman's music gives the movie its life. The storytelling could have been a little less intricate. It does add to the brisk movement of the movie in the first half but somewhat makes the second half stretch a bit. But the overall effect is impressive.
Ranbir has done complete justice to Jordan...he has performed brilliantly. A true Rockstar! New-comer  Nargis Fakhri has great screen presence and Shammi Kapoor is the surprise element of the film.

The end comes just as you start wondering as to how the director plans to end it. The end is completely justified. It has a sense of incompleteness...just the way Jordan's life is...incomplete...

The movie is a simple tale of success...which is rendered useless in the absence of love...in the absence of true happiness....
...andar ek jalan si hai...


"Jo bhi main...
kehna chahu...
bardaad kare...alfaz mere.... alfaz mere......."


Sunday, November 6, 2011

Knowing me


Don't look at me. Look into my eyes. I am not who you think I am. 
I appear to be the way you want me to be...but take a look inside...I am not who I appear as.

In the glow of the Reflection...
A Self is lost.
Under the cover of existence...
Life struggles to live.
And,
In the chaos of Life...
Identity dies a premature death.


Take a look at the person in the mirror...
Is it you? 
Is it the same person who talks to you when you are alone? Is this the person that you invariably entrust with all your secrets? Is this the person who knows your dreams...even sees them with you? 
Or is it the person that the World sees in you...
I ask you...again...is it you?


A sky...as dark as darkness could have made it...
A moon...as bright as light could have made it...
Its a still night...
And a silent shadow hovers near me...
The Shadow of the me that i was...
The Shadow of the me that i wanted to be...

A Shadow is all that remains...
It is all that was ever true...
It is all that could have been true...

I move ...the Shadow follows...
A constant reminder of life's probable possibilities...
The only thing that remains...and is mine...
n will forever be so...
Is my shadow

My shadow is how I see myself...without a mirror...through my own eyes.
The mirror reflection is the me you see...
my shadow is my Truth
...and it follows me.


Friday, October 28, 2011

Let there be Light!


Deepawali...a festival of Light...of colours...of burning away the Darkness....
Diwali is about rediscovering Life within one's own self. It is the festival of a personal Enlightenment. It is a celebration of victory...the victory of reconciliation with one's own self. 

This Diwali....give your Life a single minute...
Your Life deserves meaning... 
go ahead... smile an extra smile...make someone happy...
go an extra mile...give your Life a chance to breath... It is your Life...live it.


Brightness beckons you... midst the Darkness... embrace the warmth of Life...let it glow...
Make mistakes...make wrong choices....learn the right way... give yourself a chance to be imperfect... Life will become so much more perfect. 
Cry till your eyes ache...n feel the happiness gush through your veins. Nothing is as important as happiness.....let it fill your Life...let it fill you. Its in your heart...let it flow.


Celebrate Life....its a Festival.... it has chaos and mayhem...it has music n rhymes... it has mirth n joy...
brace the darkness only to dispense it with your Inner Light. Yes...the Light is within you...feel it....find it...share it. Let the world glow in your Light.

HAPPY DIWALI!! :)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Spark

Came across a wiki link that made me feel more than proud of the family i belong to!

I had grown up knowing that my mom's side of the family has a rich cultural and historical background. But to see the facts on a page, on the internet...that too on wikipedia...is quite overwhelming!

My Grandfather, Samir Roy Choudhury, born in the family of Subarna Roychoudhury, the Zamindar of Kolkata, prior to the arrival of the British, was one of the Founder fathers of the Hungry Generation.

About the Hungry Generation, my mom can tell you better stories as i came into the picture much later!!
I was born and spent the initial months of my life in my Grandparents' Patna residence. The environment was always culturally rich. And Post Modern Literature had been an integral part of my growing up years. Like they say, what we see and observe in our formative years...we learn. And these lessons become a part of our very self. It becomes a part of who we are.
So true.

From what i've gathered from the reviews i've got from my valued readers, the effect of these childhood lessons have been reflected in my writings over the years. I distinctly remember the article that i had submitted to the College Magazine...the Teacher Editor had classified it in the category of Post Modern Literature. Knowingly or unknowingly the subconscious works in a way that reflects the learning of our formative years.

Incidentally, my Grandfather carries a notebook and a pen with him...nearly always. His 78 years old self has retained the creative spark...infact the spark has brightened over the years.
On a recent visit to a hospital for a tumor surgery, he had a dream. In this dream he saw policemen chasing a thief. The day he returned home, he asked me for a pen and a piece of paper...any paper, he'd demanded. Urgency clear in his manner and voice. He then quickly jotted down his dream on the paper that i'd given him. Am sure that dream has already developed into a short story or a poem.

Distant memories of a tiny me sitting on a tray, in a Dark Room of our Photography Studio, and watching my maternal uncle work.... of paint brushes and colours lying around and experts editing photographs with them... 1990 didn't have Photoshop facilities!! ......somehow did leave an impression on me.

My first professional work to be published was on the cover page of my Grandfather's publication, a Little Magazine named "Haowa 49" .....infact my design was critically acclaimed. The thing is...i was 4 years old then.

The little that i know and all that i can know has its roots in my family.
I've always been a happy and content family member but today i feel more than proud of my family.

Somehow when others tell you about yourself...you get to know yourself better! :-)


Monday, August 15, 2011

Iti Mrinalini


All movies do not make me feel like writing about them...very few do. And Iti Mrinalini makes me want to....i dont know if my words can ever do this piece of art justice... but still...i wish to talk about it and so i will.
Should i write a review or should i just write about what i felt when i saw the movie?

so...i'll just combine the two, the review and my feelings on watching Iti Mrinalini.



The letter remained unfinished. The recapitulation of one's life with just hours left to live...leading to the ultimate realisation that in spite of how the life had been, it is your life. You may have not had the things you had wanted so dearly but you do have someone or something to live for... and the very realisation infuses in you the love for Life and makes you embrace Life...even at the darkest hour you know that you are very close to the dawn. BUT...you never know when Life may take away your chance to live. Uninvited, untimely...maybe just when you have grasped the true worth of your Life...you may have to stop living... you may have to leave...leaving the Letter...your Life, unfinished. ....Iti Mrinalini.

Iti Mrinalini is a riot of colours. The colours of human emotions. The beautiful cinematography gives Life to Mrinalini's reminiscence. Somak Mukherjee has brought the 60s and 70s era alive with his brilliant cinematography. His work deserves special mention...Mrinalini's life is incomplete without his cinematography. Somak gives Mrinalini's mind's eye it's sight.

The music gives the movie its Soul. Debajyoti Mishra's music has played along the lines of Mrinalini's life...recreating the phases that she went through. Sunil Gangopadhyay's poem Smritir Shohor has been beautifully used as the theme. The closer we come to Mrinalini the more relevant the lyrics become.

The strong story and powerful performances override the fact that the movie is slightly lengthy. Konkona plays the younger Mrinalini while her mother Aparna Sen plays the older Mrinalini. Young Mrinalini wants to live life. She has dreams...she has hope...and she has love. The older Mrinalini is broken. She is lost in the darkness of the Night. The pain, hurt and loss...the experiences of life is seen clearly in her eyes. That one night of insufferable anguish that ended in a dawn is the story of Mrinalini. Her life through her own eyes...hours from her death. A death that she had not planned...a death that stopped her midway...and as she fell...she was perhaps trying to embrace life in those early hours of dawn.

The film explores Love, in all its different forms. One that is lively, happy, carefree... one that's more domestic... the love of a mother...and then a kind of love that falls somewhere between friendship and love, and then...one resulting out of loneliness and seclusion.
It is the Love that has no expectations...no bondages...the love that frees you...it is that Love that we must look for and live for... it was this Love that ushered the dawn after the gloomy Night... two simple words that spoke of assurance, care and love "Ami aschi" ("I'm coming")...it were these words that made Minnie smile...a smile that was real, not a result of sad recollections but a genuine smile of hope and love.

The other actors, namely, Rajat Kapoor, Priyanshu Chatterjee, Koushik Sen, have all done a brilliant job by supporting Aparna Sen to create Mrinalini's world.

Mrinalini is more than a character...she is perhaps Life itself...
...and this movie "Iti Mrinalini" is about the unfinished story of Life...


Thursday, July 28, 2011

It is what you make of it.

Had been planning a post on "Self Important Arrogant Web Socialites"....you know the FB homepage top-news-post-owners who invariably dominate your entire home page and irritate you to no end with their irrelevant updates! Updates that speak about what they did when...and how...in details! Updates that scream out their achievements (mostly over-exaggerated...and nothing more than what you may have had easily achieved a lot earlier in your life but never blown the trumpet about!). Updates that speak of the number of times they visited the loo and the loo-reforms that they wish to bring about... blah blah blah. Those are our very own Self Important Arrogant Web Socialites...SIAWS.

But then i thought...why go into such treacherous waters and invoke the fury of so very many SIAWS.... n i chose to write about the latest Google Chrome Adverts....i love them. Simplicity redefined!

check the "Dear Sophie" ad... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4vkVHijdQk ...Daniel Lee, Dad.

This ad features a proud new father who uses the web to share memories with his daughter as she grows up.....


This advert touches so many emotions...so many of them.
It reminds you of your Dad... it reminds you of the day when he got for you the toy you'd been throwing tantrums for... It reminds you of the times when he chided you for the mistakes you made and then made it up with a hug. Your mind floods with memories of your own childhood and you wish you could look back at them again...together with your dad.
While watching the video you decide that you too will record memories to share with your kid. The Mom or Dad in you wakes up to a new dream!
Its the magic of Simplicity and Love!

Edward Lewis, Dad.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5NKYKE6U2c ...this is another version of the same advert "Dear Hollie".....and this one ends with the lines... "I've been emailing you all your life. One day we'll look back at these together."

More than the content, its the style that has caught my attention. In this materialistic world of artificial effects nothing attracts more than the simplicity of emotion and thought. A simplistic approach to marketing...Google seems to have played just the right cards!
 A merger of technology with the most basic of all human emotions...humanity. That has played the pivotal role in the conceptualisation of this advertisement...that is evident.

It is true...technology is not supposed to be your life...it is supposed to be a part of it only. You are the Master and Technology is your Power.
And, yes....the Web is but a medium of expression and Technology enables efficient sharing of that expression. Anyone with a fair amount of knowledge as to how to express him or herself can use the Web to his or her advantage. No Web user is better than the other when they start out... but it is how well you can use your Power that determines who becomes a better Master of the Power-tools provided to him/her.

"The Web is what you make of it."

Google has come up with an apt Tagline.
No one is more important than the other on the Web. you create your own identity and maintain it. It is unwise to make technology your life...for after all it is but just Virtual. Technology is an aid that helps to make real life living more delightful...more joyous and more loving.... just like Daniel Lee and Edward Lewis. They have created a storehouse of memories that they wish to share with their kids when they grow up. they never intended to or will never even wish to bring their children up in the virtual world... its more like a virtual album of real life memories....

They've used the Web in their own way...and have generated smiles.

SIAWS...do something worthwhile....make someone smile...not a smiley but a real smile!

Ah! Maybe someday my Blog will have some similar effect on me and my readers!! :) ..........lets smile...together!




Thursday, June 30, 2011

Lets "Google" it: G+

http://www.aliweb.com/ was one of the earliest internet search engines... then suddenly one day someone said...."dude! lets google it."




...And since then the world has been doing so. Under the desk in class...in the exam hall when the invigilator is not looking...or for more legitimate work like making project...writing codes...looking up anything for any work on the face of the Earth. Competitors came n remained...but could not really become the master of the Search market. The star of Google shone brightly above them all. 
The USB was its basic simplicity and uncluttered features. The homepage itself shows how simple the engine is. new features were added and loved by the people...Google was still simple!

The Google mail service was a blockbuster! Gmail hit it off with the people...reason: again uncluttered simplicity of features.

The web browser, Chrome...people like it for its...once again...simplicity...and yes speed! Many users prefer Firefox and other browsers for their work but Chrome has actually managed to solve many of the problems that Firefox had and its users hadn't even noticed. And this makes Chrome faster than other browsers. Simply speaking...Chrome lacks complexities!


Aha....does anyone remember a social network called Orkut?
It was very popular...until Google started introducing Facebook like features in it.
Too many features....too many attempts to give the users a FB like feel...the users quietly switched over to the original one. Faithful Orkutians, like me, became regulars at Facebook.
Orkut lost its simplicity and consequently, its market.





Then began the War....


And....

                                                                         


Google recognised the threats. This led to Google introducing newer services. Google converted its features into separate services and grouped then under a users Account. Now any person having a Gmail account automatically had a Google Account and could easily access all the services provided by Google. Blogger, Docs, Picasa....and so many other services. So far so good!

Google came up with Wave. Like most other Google services this too was a "by invitation only" service at the beginning. But unlike Orkut and Gmail this "by invitation only" formula didnt work for Wave. Instead of becoming a much coveted service, Wave met with a cold response. People who didn't have Wave invitations chose not to Wave. They had other options....Facebook and Twitter were always available.

Google Buzz was yet another failed attempt to beat competition. This time it was aimed at Twitter.

And now....there is a new Project. A brand new Social Network by Google:



The most basic problem that this social site may face is that this is again a "by invitation only" service till now. It may turn out to be a super hit but then again it may meet the same fate as Wave. This service is reportedly similar to Facebook...with some added features like Circles, Sparks and Hangout

Circles are basically groups in which the user can divide his friends and all sharing, posting and commenting is done with the group you select. So as far as security and privacy is concerned G+ is a step ahead of Facebook. Sparks is a news-based stream and Hangout can give good competition to Skype.

But then again, reviews say, that the service is quite complex in itself and requires a lot getting used to. A user needs to really have patience to sort out the Circles and set his network up while getting used to the complexities on the way.

When you come to think of it...Facebook does have groups these days and sharing with only one group is possible. if you chose to make the group private you can easily ensure that no one else in yours friend list sees it.
But then Google hasn't Invited me to use G+ yet...so i wouldn't know the G+ experience and how its better than FB.

"the biggest hurdle for the web giant is that a collection of cool features doesn’t make a network. People do."

Its true. People currently using this service are people who already own a Google Account. Only those who have a Google Profile can really participate fully in the G+ activities because as mentioned earlier Google has converted all its significant features into separate services available to all Google Account holders. There is no easy way to pull in contacts from Twitter...let alone Facebook. It is necessary to extend the online activity of a user to a broad section of his/her actual social graph. The survival of a Social Network largely depends on the networks it either creates or takes advantage of....so "Surviving Solo" is not a idea that'll help a Social Network survive.  




Interesting and new features, enhanced security and privacy, good looks.....G+ has it all. All it needs is a market. You need people to create a super hit social network... the question is, can G+ do it?

source of information and images: Google search engine


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A Post on Potter

DISCLAIMERS:

  1. Those who think that Harry Potter is for kids, do not read beyond this disclaimer. By the way, all you "sensible and mature" grown ups out there, my 51 yrs old Dad is a huge Harry Potter fan.
  2. Yes...I too am a Harry Potter fan...so keep that in mind while reading and commenting.
Lets proceed.

Believe it or deny it...Harry Potter is a phenomenon. A world wide literary, and to a certain extent cinematic, phenomenon. Its something that we...the kids in the late 1990s...have grown up with. There were Harry/Ron/Hermione aspirants in every class, in almost every school! Every second kid wanted to call himself Harry and have two best friends...one, he would pretend, was Ron and the other Hermione. *Sigh* ....such was the craze!
Then suddenly one day the Harry-Ron-Hermione trio of our imagination got faces. Daniel, Rupert and Emma stepped into our life! If the books were best-sellers...the movies were blockbusters.

Ah! Those were the days when we kids used to pre-order HP books and wait in long queues outside bookstores since midnight and follow the countdown ardently to the book's release....there was this craze...everyone wanted to be the first to own the latest Harry Potter book!! 

I remember fully well...it was 22nd June...a rainy water-logged Saturday, when Order of the Phoenix released. it was around 8:30pm when i got my copy in hand....and i was jumping up and down with joy. that night i called up every single person i knew to tell them that i had a first edition HP&OP...that too on the very first day! *Sigh*...childhood was so much fun!

And the movies....ah! i remember booking tickets 10 days in advance...Rs.250 at Imax....!!! Harry Potter wallpapers....fan fiction sites...internet merchandise...Daniel/Rupert/Emma searches on Google.... mugglenet.com .....even the official JKRowling website and the Warner Bros HP site.... i kind of meddled with everything HP!! And it was pure fun!

July 21st 2007...the last HP book, Deathly Hallows, was released. That day was a date each HP fan remembers as the day after which they'll never queue up outside bookstores to get their hands on the freshly released HP book... the emotions attached were simple overwhelming. no more theories...no more speculation...no more queues for a HP book...ever again. While reading the Epilogue...many had tears in their eyes....

Ahha...18th November 2010....the first installment of the final movie. suspense...thrill...emotions....at their height...
15th July 2011...the day the final installment of the final movie is scheduled to release. The day the HP saga....finally....finally...ends.

The end of the book series left the readers and fans with the consolation that the movies were still there. there would still be queues outside the ticket counters...one could still speculate over the scenes kept in movie and the parts left out...one could still anticipate much... But on 15th July 2011...it all ends...forever. 
Unless of course someone remakes the series!!

So many fantasies this one Fantasy managed to create. One must give credit to Rowling for making us put our thinking caps on and devise theories and keep speculating over whats going to happen next. Rowling inspired kids to dream...she inspired many to write. No matter how improbable our ideas and imagination maybe...there is no harm in putting them in words and presenting them to an audience!

One may question....how on earth does this book have such a huge fan following??
It was because these books connected with the audience...big and small. Kids and adults alike. Kids connect with the fantasy and imagine their own school houses to be those of Hogwarts. Red House easily becomes Griffindor!! A kid can relate to the characters in an unique way. a kid may name the mean sinister teacher, Snape...the purely irritating and law-enforcing teacher becomes Umbridge...while the kind, motherly yet strict disciplinarian teacher becomes McGonagall.
An adult connects to it in a different way...one may simply appreciate the text or the plot. One may even recall his or her leaving-for-college scene while reading about the departure of Hogwarts Express at Platform 9 3/4 at the beginning of each academic year.
Simply put, Rowling has blended fantasy with reality. Much is real in her Fantasy World. The emotions, the conflicts (both inward and outward)...the characters...they are universal...and REAL. Beneath those layers of make-up lies a simple world which is as real as the fact that u are reading this post now.

This was an era...a beautiful one... it made writers out of simple school going kids....it inspired young minds to imagine and dream... it made sure that Good finally did triumph over Evil.

Much has been said and much will be said...by many.... i take it upon myself to oblige you and end this post here.

P.S: i kinda owed Rowling and Potter at least one post!! btw, am really looking forward to the last movie...n yeah...i agree, am getting a bit sentimental about it. never mind....guess all good things have to come to an end. *sigh*


Thursday, June 9, 2011

A Simple Post...some moments n memories

All right...Graduation is over...ok...sort of over...at least the study part is over.
Exams ended on 26th May...so technically that was the last day of undergraduate college life for me...er...ok...for us.
Packed my bags...with Nilu's help (lots n lots of it!!) and returned home on 29th. the Durgapur phase of my life is over. To be honest, i miss hostel more than i miss college. Every morning when i wake up i miss Puja. She used to wake me up each morning and drag me down to the mess for breakfast...i miss wishing Soumee "Good morning" in the bathroom while brushing my teeth... Ah! Soumee used to take suuuuch a long time to brush her's!!
i miss standing by Nilakshi's bed and tickling her to wake her up...
i miss Apurba's dining hall conversations and animated storytelling (cant disclose the stories she used to tell us...ssshhhh)...miss Sayari's "Indi Pindi" song...miss Madhu and her dramatics...miss Preety...miss Hema.... i miss my roommate, Prantika...am so used to having her around me all the time. Am so used to sharing not just my room, but my life...my world...with her. Miss having Amita around...she's the sweetest girl i've ever known. More than the campus...i miss the people there...
i miss the classroom masti n pagalpanti with my classmates...i miss the long long chats with Praveen in the college cafeteria...i miss the Hudco zone, the puchka walas, the roll walas...i miss Ram Mandir...i miss the spcl chai with ilaichi at Bidhannagar market...i miss the bread chop, thanks to Mishra i got to taste it.
The last day at Durgapur was perhaps by far one of my best-est days there...DJ, Kuntal, Puja, Nilakshi and me...the night sky spread above us...the sand beneath us...me singing Rabindrasangeet  ..."Emni korei jaye jodi din jakna..." and the breeze blowing softly around us...Barrage had never been more beautiful...am sure. .....emni korei jaye jodi din...sotti....jakna...
I still remember my first day in Durgapur...had gone there for the AIEEE counselling... and then, before i could even feel time flying by me, it was my last day there...29th...the day my big family, my happy family broke apart...each member moving on in his or her life...leaving the place which was our home for the last four years. but just like a true family...we've silently promised each other a life-long committed...no matter how far away we are...we are connected and shall forever be so...not by blood but by heart.
Have left many things behind...including some memories and some emotions...left them there forever.

Its a bright new morning...a new sunshine...a new beginning. All right, many things don't (often) work out the way we want them to but yes, nevertheless, if they can bring happiness to someone, its worth it. Had got placed in a Delhi based Telecom company...was in two minds but chose to stay in Kolkata...my family needs me here...and with that choice came the decision of doing my MBA from home. Kind of a package deal!

A new Start means a Stop to certain things...it means changes. Am up for it...am up for the challenges...personal, emotional...whatever may they be...am up for it.
These last few months have taught me a lot...the most important one being the importance of happiness.
It's true...you realise the importance of what you had only when you lose it... i learnt how important happiness is only after i lost the very feeling of it. i used to be a happy happy person n now...its been ages since i'd felt it. But we are but mere actors playing our parts...this world is but a stage... Shakespeare had rightly said so. And so...the show must go on... like any actor who puts aside his or her personal loses and diligently performs his or her part...am playing my part...for the show must go on.

well...thats it for today...i'll get back with more updates n articles later!!


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Bon Voyage: 1st May 2011




Bon Voyage... 1st May 2011...the day our juniors bid us adieu officially...

some moments from our farewell party!
thank you junies...will miss u all a lot....

these four years were beautiful...friendship...joy...laughter...tears...pagalpanti.... shall miss these days... we are at the very edge now...but we are resolute...shall forever be in touch...*no tears...only smiles*


Friday, April 8, 2011

some penultimate moments...


our last few treats, trips and parties.... of the four beautiful years now only 52 days remain!
lets live them!!  :-)  #college_hostel_life

"yuhi kat jayega safar saath chalne se....k manzil ayegi nazar saath chalne se...."

In Silence

"...sometimes my heart wishes that i could have been there... held ur hand...walked with you through the darkness...dispersing it as we walked towards light, together... but then i wake up...it was all a dream... a sudden rush of cold wind...the first drops of rain... but of this dream much more than just memories will remain... " 


i have a silent prayer...and i still pray...


...a silent tear drop runs down my cheek...every time i remember you. i wake up...in the middle of the night...when memories pierce my heart like arrows from the quiver...piercing my soul. i wake up silently shrieking in pain.
you were here...with me...moments ago. and now you are gone. am standing still. shards of my broken heart scattered all around.


i start walking again...silently...for no ears love my pain. silent...i keep walking.
i cross the narrow forest path...the hills and the lanes. the highways come and go. 
at every new step, a new smile greets me.. every few steps, love and care awaits me. i smile for those who wait for me at every step... their hands on my shoulder...the concern in their eyes.. i will live for them, for they give me life.
i feel free...there is nothing left to lose. its just me now...nothing left to save...nothing new to dream of... nothing new left to say. i live as life moves on. a new adventure...a brand new quest to complete...my life makes me live!


and you...
i just have this much to say...as long as i keep walking...remember, somewhere there is this someone who silently prays for you. to this someone only your happiness matters...nothing else. when you are in pain...it hurts her even more. for the sake of those numerous happy memories shared...please be happy.... and i promise...i shall forever pray for you...till the setting sun takes me away.

Monday, March 7, 2011

the Sunset in the Fall...and my Flight with the Fairies.

it was sunset...i was walking
an autumn evening...
into the horizon...alone...
i was walking...
the hand that had held mine was lost...
the maple leaves blew around me...and some lay trodden beneath my feet...
into the golden horizon...i was walking...

barren trees...the Fall is here.
between two rises...the sun was setting.
the golden hue would soon transform itself into Darkness...
i was alone...and i was walking...
silence all around...save the soft whistle of the blowing wind...
and the crisp crunches of the dry leaves on the ground...
towards the horizon i walked...alone...

an emptiness...the silence...innumerable images...
am alone...the hand that was in mine...lost.
the stars shone...the moon lit up the night.
Light descended...silvery...smooth to the touch...
my fingers found a hand...or perhaps there were many...
the Light filled me through...
the sudden brilliance was almost blinding...
the soft touch of assurance was back...more loving...more caring...
my eyes saw through the brilliance...Fairies in the moonlight.
Elegance...and smiles...
they held my hand...and gave me wings.
i was flying with them...
o're mystery lands...over the autumn...over the Fall...
flying...over the horizon...
into the realm of Calm and Peace. 

Sunday, February 20, 2011

a story and a few questions

Once upon a time, there was a Someone. let us assume that this Someone was a "he".
he wanted to make it big in the world...he wanted to be reckoned with...and most of all he wanted a Name.
A Name that would be his own. A Name that would give him an identity...all he desired was individuality.
He loved to write. He was good at it. Infact, so much so that a few of his writings found place in some of the best editorials in the country. But then...he did not become a writer. he realised that writing will not be able to bring to him the name and the fame that he desired. he left this life...he left his love. He went away in search of Gold. the Gold Rush was on. and he worked tirelessly for his prize. all day he searched for the Gold...and at nights he sat planning his next move. which way down the hill is the Gold mine...which way? He was hardworking. and he kept trying. he searched the entire land...the whole territory. he tried several means to get to his Gold. he put in tireless effort...at times he would feel that this was not meant for him...this was not what his life was meant to be. this was not what he was meant to be. but he remained focussed on his goal. and then one day...he found his prize. the Gold lay gleaming before his eyes. he bent down to pick it up. in his hands the Gold shone like the Sun...he had emerged victorious. he was happy.


then he returned... with hopes and dreams of starting afresh. he started writing again but....his time was now gone. he had quit his destiny is search of something that was not meant for him. he had left keeping his love and life at stake...hoping that it will stay till he returned. he had left his life the day he had begun his quest...and when he returned...all was lost. his pen still carved letters but in his poetry...the rhyme was lost. papers lay stacked on the table...most of them untouched. whatever he wrote he felt that it was not upto the mark. he scratched out line after line...word after word... till he realised what all he had lost.
The Gold remained...locked safely in the locker...and the floor remained scattered with torn pieces of paper. the words that did not rhyme anymore...and the sentences all refused to make sense.


but there was his Gold...gleaming...bright...lustrous. his prize.
he was sitting at the foot of his bed...his pen in his hand...



the above story is based on an observation by a friend who had said... "Good time will come...one day you will be free from all hardships and all pain...but am afraid, maybe by that time a lot may be already lost..."
the statement made can be interpreted in many ways.
Failed personal dreams in attempts to live up to the expectations of the World. 
It may even be applicable in cases of failed relationships.
it may be true in several cases.


Where is the balance in life? Is life not worth taking risks with? some risks may be too costly though... but then where's the fun without some excitement, some adventure? is adventure necessary at the stake of everything we love and everyone we care for? can we not come to a balance? are extremes necessary?


so many questions...
answers...i know none.


lemme ask YOU.....what do you think?

(....Idea by Avishek Roy )

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Moon is Beautiful Tonight!

also read ..."A page from my diary"  (this is the post that i have referred to in this post)


the moon is beautiful tonight! it has probably never been prettier. the cool breeze blowing is taking me back to that evening on the small terrace in my old hostel...sometime in 2009, in November. me sitting with my Diary...alone. the cool breeze making me shiver...
the Diary no longer exists...nor do the feelings. it would be unfair to say that the feelings have all ceased to exist...its just that they have changed. my life has changed...in several ways.
yet, some things always remain unchanged. i had been relishing solitude that night...and these last two evenings i have been doing the same.
the moon is beautiful tonight...prettier than it ever was.
the cool breeze is still blowing through my hair...am shivering. its not the cold...its something else. a different emotion altogether...somewhat alien yet not completely unknown.
tonight, am rewriting the story of my life.
some emotions are not meant for me...and some are completely outside my personal emotional boundary. for me, life remains practical as long as i remain emotionally detached from the intricateness of the human mind. but...there was this one time that i had become emotional...n i had almost lost the most valuable thing that i'd ever possessed...my peace of mind.
Am not Saintly...but its true that i can never be possessive...am not familiar with envy either. the only thing that matters to me is uncomplicated love... where, we know that there is someone we can forever fall back on...where, we know that if our steps falter, someone will catch us before we fall. someone we can trust...someone who will hold our hand when even tears fail to relieve us from intense pain.
i have this love. the touch of a dear friend...the concern of a brother...the caring and loving hand on my head... the entire feeling of being loved...it feels beautiful! as beautiful as the moon tonight.
i love this emotion that connects two souls together.
Love is about being together...may not be in person but being there always...mentally. Love is that touch that assures you that you are not alone. be it a friend...be it a sister...be it a brother... be it your parents...or be it your Mentor. Love is a feeling to cherish...its the foundation of every human relationship. if there is no love...there can never be friendship. Love is that respect that one has for the other...love is the worry and anxiety that one feels for the other...love is that feeling of protectiveness that shields those being loved. Love is a blessing...infact it is a dual blessing, it blesses the one that loves and also the one who is being loved.


there is pain...even in love. the pain of watching our loved ones suffer...love pains when the ones you love are in pain. Love also pains when it remains unappreciated and unrequited. Love pains when silence kills it slowly. Love pains when the poison of indifference gnaws the hearts that love. Love pains when it is killed for selfish reasons...and Ego buries it. Love pains when one-sided compromises and adjustments become mere sacrifices that hold no meaning in the eyes of the one being loved. Love pains when neglected.
Having felt the pain...having been through the indifference...having lived through compromises... i believe, Love is true only when the feeling lives on even after the person has left. the object of love may not remain the same...but the believe in Love still remains.
i still believe in Love... for i still believe in the Angels and the Fairies that visit me in my dreams!
Love pains...but it also loves. and because it loves it gives us the strength to live. it gives us hope...and dreams. Love in any form is beautiful...just like the cool breeze blowing outside... just like the beauty of the moon, radiant in the light of Love!


"Sakhi, bhabona kahare bole? Sakhi, jatona kahare bole?
Tomra je bolo dibosho-rajoni 'bhalobasha, bhalobasha'...
Sakhi, bhalobasha kare koye?! Sakhi keboli jatonamoy.
Sheki keboli chokher jal? Sheki keboli dukher swaas?
Loke tobe kore ki sukheri tore, emon dukhero aash.

Aamar chokhe to shokoli sobhon,
Shokoli nobeen, shokoli bimol, shunil akash, shyamolo kanon,
Bishod jyochhona, kusumo komol - shokol amari moton tara. 
Keboli hanshe, keboli gaye, hanshiya, kheliya morite chaye -
Najane bedon, najane radon, najane shader jatona joto.

Phul se haanshitey haanshitey jhore, jyochhona hanshiya milaye jaay,
Hanshite hanshite alokshagore akasher taara teyage kaaye.
Aamar moton sukhi ke aache. Aaye sakhi aaye, aamar kaache -
Sukhi hridoyer sukher gaan suniya toder jurabe pran.
Protidin jodi kandibi kebol ek din noye haanshibi tora -
Ek din noye bishado bhuliya shokole miliya gahibo mora.

Bhabona kahare bole. Sakhi, jatona kahare bole.
Tomra je bolo dibosho-rajoni 'bhalobasha, bhalobasha' -
Sakhi, bhalobasha kare koye! Sakhi keboli jatonamoy..."

~~Rabindranath Tagore



Sunday, February 6, 2011

3rd Feb 2011...my 22nd B'day!

This was one of my best birthdays ever...honestly!!
the midnight party at hostel...will miss it next year...and in the years to come. this was my last birthday in college.
Blowing out all 22 candles that were placed in the corridor was fun...i had to literally crawl on the floor to manage this feat...from the room where i had been locked in, while the others were busy with the decorations, to my room where the party was to be held! the party with my friends at City Centre (dgp) was awesome...the treat was @KFC...had always wanted to celebrate my bday there...n this time my wish came true! all in all it was a fantastic day!
met Praveen_bhai...and that as usual made me extra happy!! missed a few old friends...Sushmi, specially!! also missed those who couldnt make it to Durgapur on my B'day.
this year too i had two cakes...one was made out of chips n puchka walla alu stuffing and the other was a normal cake! on 4th was my Jonmodin (my birthday as per the Bengali calendar)...got a gajar ka halwa treat that day and another surprise gift from a dear friend!
i just loved the Mug gifted by my bro, Mishra...it was signed by almost all my friends! and Soumee gave me my-long-desired KFC balloon (hadnt managed to get one for myself...so she got it for me!)... :-P :-P
thanks to Nilakshi for the surprise and for the Broasters sauce and paper napkin (!!)...thanks to Puja for her love and care! thanks to prantika for the cute surprise...and Subhomoy for Castle and the Candle!! a big thank you to Apu and Ri for coming all the way from Kolkata to be with me on my B'day and for being the official photographers!! thanks to Abhijit Bannerjee for remembering my birthday! and a big "Thank You" to all my friends...preety, hema...and all of my friends for their wishes and love! thank you so much for making me feel so special!

and this year, for the first time in my life, exam results were announced on my Birthday! 7th semester results!! and i have done reasonably well...am the 3rd highest score holder of my dept. :-P

here are a few snapshots of my Birthday celebrations...

the Birthday Girl with the mug "autographed" by her friends...special thanks to Avisek Mishra

party time @KFC



the midnight party @hostel...bubbles...friends...cakes n candles!

the puchka cake!!

my B'day cake, cards and gifts!




Monday, January 31, 2011

Another personal note

this is perhaps my most personal and direct post till date. if i had someone i could say all this to this post would not have been here... but...well it is here.

inspite of all that is not going well with me...these last few days i did feel happy...after a long long time. went out with friends...my Rons and Hermiones...CCD, movie, KFC...adda session about random things...even pointless things!! but i guess, a point comes when you just get back to your problems...and then the grief overwhelms you...and...in short...you are dead.
i wish i had one emotional escape...anything...anyone.
and a recent realisation...i dont believe in a lot of things any more. you know, u keep expecting...u keep hoping...and then you realise that you were a fool to have been waiting for something to happen that can never really be a reality. and then you give up hope...you give up your expectations...you even give up your feelings...you give up on the people you love. its not that you stop loving them...its just that you stop hoping that they will love you back. maybe you are no longer worthy of their love. its a pathetic feeling...but you have to accept this as well.
am not complaining...i know, my problems are the not the only ones in this world...neither are they the worst problems...no they are not. but...they are quite big to me...they trouble me...make me sleepless...they make me insecure... and i feel so damn crappy lonely...stuck with them alone in a cold room...
its true...when you are happy...the whole world celebrates with you...but when you are down...no one comes to stand beside you. no one at all.
its weird...my world is shrinking...getting smaller and smaller with each passing day. and at this rate...a day will come when my world will cease to have anyone else in it except my parents and myself. its true...your parents are the only people in this world who love you unconditionally...and you never become unworthy of their love ever.
sometimes you just need to get these emotions out of your system. staying alone makes you feel even worse...and am lucky i have a blog to express myself whenever i wish to.
so much has changed in my life in these few months...since last winter... my whole life has changed. i saw happy days...i experienced bliss... and then everything started fading away...and now am left with almost nothing...nothing...
there was a time when i could say all that i had in my mind to my dearest people... and now...i pick up my phone...type out a message...wait for two minutes...then delete it and keep my phone aside.
i dunno...i've lost faith in so many things and feelings...

Monday, January 24, 2011

Dhobi Ghaat: My take on it.


firstly, this is the first movie review that am writing.
secondly, this happens to be the most discussed and debated movie of 2011 till date. varied opinions...contradicting views and reason of innumerable arguments!!

lets just get to the point.
i will not be discussing the technicalities of the movie. i do not think i should comment on aspects that i am not very proficient in. i shall focus on the style of story telling, performances, background score and other such aspects only.

when i sat down to watch the movie...i decided that i would do so unbiased.
the opening was not captivating enough. the movie carried on...into some unknown territory. my attention was else where. and then it happened...all of a sudden. i was captivated.
not just captivated... i lost myself into the splendid web that Rao has weaved around Arun and Yasmin. for me this part of the movie stood out above the rest. Shai and the Dhobi somehow didnt have that kind of an effect on me. i was lost in that one beautiful story. the story of a simple girl who's come far away from home to be with her husband. she is a naive devoted wife...oblivious to the treachery that Fate has in store for her. Arun is a mystery. his art is his expression...his only emotional outlet.
Arun's story is recounted by those who knew him...failed marriage and a son. we are never really taken down his memory lane. we never get to know his thoughts. Arun is a flowing river...he flows with the tide of time...with life. ever searching for that one thing that doesnt seem to comes to him...peace. Peace is his sea. his ultimate destination.
yasmin told her own story. bit by bit...word by word...slowly taking us into her world, her life. she makes us a part of her existence. and gradually she became a part of Arun...his muse.
the silent lady next door...she is Time. a dumb witness.
the performances were brilliant. Aamir's eyes did all the work here, at times aided by his bodily gestures. kriti was you...she was me...a simple girl with the simplest of dreams. and opposite aamir she did manage to hold up her own.
this part of the movie was pure poetry. the background score complimented the visuals brilliantly. at times the music seemed to be playing a part in the movie...like the city. the timelessness of the city...the same city through different eyes. the window is the same...but the audience has changed.

Shai and Munna did not really have this huge an impact on me. it was stale compared to the beauty of the Yasmin-Arun plot. the same poverty...the same NRI...the same struggle...we've seen all that before.
if you consider the unconventional love story between the Dhobi and the NRI girl...lemme give you my take on it.
there was no real "love story" between the two. Munna was attracted to Shai...and Shai is attracted to Arun! Shai likes Munna..as an interesting subject..gradually he becomes more of a friend that a subject of observation...he becomes a friend to Shai. Shai respects Munna as a person and does not judge him by his profession. Munna is a bit insecure about his profession...especially the night job that he had...it was his dark secret. Munna is taken with Shai... very much taken with her. and Shai is busy pursuing Arun...oblivious to Munna's feelings. this part of the story carries on at its own pace... till Shai finally understands Munna's feelings for her...and a silent tear drop falls.
performance wise...yes, both were good. very good. but for me this part somehow lacked the "punch".

the beauty of the Yasmin-Arun plot had me spell-bound.
the movie as a whole is not a master piece...at least for me...but in parts it definitely is.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

a thought...a fear...and a wish



something strange has happened to me...something that i had not anticipated... n it happened rendering me expressionless...like never before. I dont know if my words are eloquent enough...i just wish to put this feeling aside and move on with life. am just, how do you say it...oh yes...spitting it out.


i had felt this way just once before in my life... at the school fest when i was barely 5yrs old. i had been holding onto my mother's hand...and suddenly she wasn't there. the fear...the panic...the emotions that had flooded my mind at that moment... the wish to scream out...call out to my mother... the urgent wish to be found... the desperation to hold my mom's hand again... to find my way back to safety... to find my way back into the world that promised solace... 
i've been feeling the same way lately. 
the irony is that am at home. my mom is here, with me...near me...ready to take me into her arms... then why...
why am i feeling this way? where is my world of solace...where?
i am not sure why am suddenly feeling this way. its strange...its weird...infact its very very unlike me to be so overwhelmed with emotions. very rarely do these things called emotions hijack my mind and heart this way...very rarely. and yet...now, its all there...overwhelming me...my entire thought process...over-ruling all logic and reason...
i wish i could comfort myself...give myself the peace that my heart is longing for...but... i have tried, and failed. i wish to find my world of peace...my world of solace. i need it just the way i need to breath to live... i need it to survive... i need to find it...to save myself. 

                                  -------------------------------------

maybe i feel this way for you. maybe it is you who am longing for. in my own strange way...maybe i perceive u as more of a parent to me than a friend. or perhaps, its just my strong desire to have you by my side...just that. there is no need to have any words between us... in any case i am not eloquent enough these days. and there is no need for you to talk. just be there...by my side. lets just walk together...side by side.
i wish to be a part, a happy part of your world... in silence shall i be if you would just let me in.
i may not have been the way you had wanted me to be...and you may want to leave. i pray, stay. 
if this was how it was going to be...why had you come at all? say? 
now that you are here, like a true friend, respect me...accept me with my faults.
i may not be perfect but i still am the same person you had know. 
the smiles the joys that we had shared were neither yours nor mine alone. 

Clockwork

To be able to reach out. To want to know. Somewhere lost in the crowd. Alone and scared. Looking for a way to make it seem worth the whil...