what ifs n if onlys...

Wanna share a story in the form of excerpts of some conversations.

[They both knew. but they never said. they were afraid...of themselves. they were weary of the shortcomings.

and lastly they both assumed that they would always be there...they both thought that they were irreplaceable.]

girl: hello! its me.

boy: yeah, say.
girl: er...i just called... how are you?
boy: am fine.
girl: you busy?
boy: no. say.
girl: oh! er...ok. er...am going home.
boy: when?
girl: the day after.
boy: ok.
girl: my parents...they...er...want me to meet someone.
boy: oh! (pause) i get it.
(pause...)
when will you return?
girl: depends...
boy: ok...gotta go.
girl: yeah...bye.
boy: bye.
girl: bye...


boy: hey! when are you returning?
girl: next week, i guess.
boy: how long does it take to meet someone, eh??
girl: met him yesterday. mom and dad...they like him a lot. they say, he's perfect for me...
(pause...)
boy: oh! er...ok. (pause) do you like him?
girl: he's a good person...qualification are good. good family. mom and dad like him...
boy: what about me?
girl: you?
boy: i mean, when do i get to meet him? wanna meet the one who's taking my Life away from me.
(pause...)
girl: oh! i...
boy: hey...tell me...am i a bit too late...
girl: if you had just told me earlier...i...you...
boy: never mind. just be happy...always...




THE END...??

update

ohk...it'll be grossly unfair to say that i have been thinking a lot about others things and too little about academics these days. its true that numerous others things have been going on in my life...but, academics were never out of my mind. 6th semester is quite important. we've got seminars to prepare for. we have an industrial training to do at the end of this semester, and of course 5 subjects to master before exams come knocking at the door.
been going through several training programs...have selected a few and applied for them. seats are limited almost everywhere...and competition is, needless to say, very very tough. hopefully i'll get selected for training somewhere. wish my dad would let me go out of Kolkata for training. wish he could bring himself to trust my merit a bit more. anyway, that's mere wishful thinking...and should be avoided at all cost.

been thinking a lot about my future...post grad prospectives... Finally, i came  up with several ideas, most of which require hard work and taking loads of chaap. There really is no substitute for hard work...and its very unfortunate that am....er....a bit lazy.

anyway...that is basically my life's update...will again update later!

some moments...captured forever

been experimenting a bit...and i ended up making this collage. This collage is not very technically sound...i agree...am still learning...but the emotions attached are the purest of all...

i dedicate this to my two dearest friends who make my life so much worth living... 

Blissful Pain

A turbulence…an eerie silence amidst the storm…the eye.

Chaste.

A wait so long that time crawls slower than the breath escaping from the Soul…escaping to Eternity.

An infinite length of dark expanse…waiting…......no awaiting… desiring those that are not one’s own.

Burdened by Love…Despair strikes.

The sky swims in a blood red pool. 

Red? Perhaps the colour of Love… or perhaps the hue of the irreparable loss that gnaws the heart. Twisting the muscles so that every drop is wasted…and lost. A pain so pure that all Powers surrender to it.

It is cruel enough to engage you in a blissful delirium…senses are lost to emotions...perhaps forever. It never subsides 

and yet you smile.

3rd Feb 2010: Happy Birthday to me!

ohk....it was my 21st birthday on 3rd Feb. I was initially quite apprehensive about turning 21...but the fun i had during the day convinced me that turning 21 isnt that bad (n sad!) after all!!

I was in for a lot of surprises. In fact surprises unravelled all through the day. Each one putting a smile bigger than the previous one on my face!! 

The Angelic mug...gift-wrapped bhai(!!)...chocolate coated munch-cake...biscuit-with-jam midnight cake...my "birthday-wali maggi"...the innumerable birthday wishes...loooooong list..........

and the Grand Finale was the grand(!!) party in the Cafeteria. 

Thanks to all my friends for making me feel so special! Thank You! 

Here are my bday cakes...njoy!!

MY TWIN BIRTHDAY CAKES.....

wondering about the "3"...its the addition of the two numbers 2 n 1...

feelings...or fear...??

I close my eyes...trying to shut out my feelings... some things are best left unexpressed...unsaid...unheard...
some feeling are best left unfelt. Feelings or fear?? which am i trying to shut out? the fear of losing myself to emotions...the fear of losing my independence...my rationality...what is my fear? rooted deep within me..a fear...a fear that i fear to acknowledge. Acknowledgement...is that my biggest fear? do i want to leave my feelings unfelt...do i want to hide forever from the realm of emotions...?? where am i seeking refuge?
but this time there is a difference...am not confused...i know what am feeling...and this time, i dont know why i am not being able to listen to my mind alone. its my heart thats doing the speaking....my mind seems to have taken a back seat. and am loving this feeling..the feeling of not fearing my feelings...of letting my heart rule my mind...
a thousand emotions flooding my mind...just one predominant thought...
A friend had once said,"You dont have time for emotions...so you wont give emotions time..."
Really??

hearts...friends...bonds...

DSC01301, originally uploaded by SayaniMukherjee.

these hearts were specially designed n created by an uniquely creative artist who ate the chocolates n made hearts out of the wrappers...yes friends, am talking about none other than Mr. Anirban Saha!!

arranged n clicked by me...all short-comings are mine :P

The lone Light

11:59pm: an empty street...silence echoing through the Darkness...
                the lone street lamp at the far end of the road flickered and...
                finally gave up its battle to stay awake.
                all asleep...chilled by the already chilly night...
                senses had gone numb...and feelings were all frozen by the intense fog.
                cold...wrapped in a blanket...face barely visible in the light cast by the moon...walked a figure.
                a strange dampness enveloping the Soul...
                lone Warrior of Life...or perhaps a Survivor of Time...

                the silence had been broken...and the footsteps reverberated through the night...
                through the heart of the sleeping road... 
                senses could now feel...and every step had its perception.


12am:     we held hands...
               and, once again i was walking...
               walking along the road to Life... 

A Demise: An End

A Confession: Am not a political expert nor am i much interested politics. But i'm interested in people and how they mould the History of our World with their own hands.


Jyotirindra(better known as Jyoti) Basu: a leader, an icon...a man who reigned over Bengal for over two decades, 23 yrs to be precise. Died yesterday, 17th January 2010, at 11:47pm. With him ended an era...almost a century...a chapter closed in the history of Bengal.
Bengal has always played an important part in shaping or at least contributing to the history of our country. It was in Bengal that Nawab Siraj-ud-duallah lost the skirmish, dubbed in History as the Battle of Plassey. Bengal was the only state in India to witness Renaissance. Bengal was home to Rabindranath Tagore, Mother Teresa, Amartya Sen...even Ronald Ross worked in Bengal. Jagadishchandra Bose, Prafullachandra, Vidyasagar, Kazi Nazrul Islam, Michael Madhusudan Dutta. Bengal gave India her first Martyr...Khudiram was the first to die in India's struggle for Freedom... Raja Rammohon Roy ("the first Modern Man of India"-Rabindranath Tagore)...Netaji...
Bengal gave to the country Swami Vivekananda, Sri Ramkrishna....
Bengal was the only Indian state which was said to have had maintained its independent existence right through the ages...remember Gopala, Bengal's Raja....he was elected by the people to rule the people for the people!
Uncountable contributions...lets not count them any more. Except this one...the man named Jyoti Basu.
His achievements, his victories...also his failures, yes he did have his shortcomings...his 23 yrs as CM of West Bengal has given India a reason to add a new chapter to its History.
Initially what Basu had done in his reign, was a need of the hour. But two decades were a bit too long. His ideas got stagnated. The world changed but his outlook remained just the same. Finally in the year 2000, he stepped down from the post of CM of West Bengal. Even after stepping down from his political post, his connections and allies remained. The respect people had for him remained. And Basu remained in Indira Bhavan.
At 96 yrs of age, Basu breathed his last in AMRI hospital Salt Lake, after fighting for his life for 17 days. He has reportedly donated his eyes. The very eyes which saw the world for 96 yrs...fought battles...sought arguments...planned strategies...shed tears...and even loved....
Basu believed: "it is man and man alone who creates history..." 
...and he did create history.
 Even in death he created History. He is the only India politician to be a trending topic on Twitter that too twice....see that too counts as history...genZ type!!

"Come...lets explore this world together..."

Dinner time. Mom, Dad, me and someone else. Everything is same...just as always...except this new person. Who is this? Who is the new person on the table? By her looks...she's older than me. perhaps a couple of years...no more...around 6yrs maybe. A lady...someone i look up to...but who is she? who? Mom n dad are behaving so strangely. As if, they've known her for years...and i'm so happy. Why am i getting the feeling that i've known her all my life? she's someone close to me....i know that. she even looks familiar...she is very close to me. She's someone who cares for me... But, who is she?

She started helping mom serve the food. damn...didnt i always do it...?? who is she? she picked up my plate and served the food on it. placed it back infront of me and smiled. And then i understood....it was me...just an older version...as if my elder sister...loving me, caring for me.

and that was my dream...the one i saw this morning. strange...how something we long for...the thoughts that we push to our subconscious gets transformed into our dreams.

Am an only child and i've always longed for a sibling. Always.The feeling of always having someone to fall back upon...the feeling of being protected...of having someone to stand in when mom n dad are not around...

I have always longed for an older sibling. but a younger one would have also been good enough...but alas i have none.

Its a special bond..very special. A bond that can hardly be explained in words. What i felt in my dream today...i'd never felt that before...not for the thousands of cousins i have...not even for my nearest n dearest cousins. What i felt was a strange warmth...

Two brothers...hand in hand. A promise of togetherness...of closeness...of concern... Its a strength...

its a love so very pure...

its a feeling so very dear...

its a bond...

its brotherhood.

Those fights and squabbles...those kicks and punches...its all love...a strange love. default type...unconditional...

"Brother, if you get lost in the crowd....and never want to be found...I promise to lose myself with you...i'll never leave your side. You will never be alone. Come...lets explore this world together..."

 photo courtsey: Anirban Saha

# iconic Jyoti Basu: Alive or dead??

Trust me, this is crazy...

check this out...at twitter

Realtime results for jyoti basu dead 

slaith @sahaanirban I dun get it. Is Jyoti Basu dead or nt? less than a minute ago 

Ok...let me explain. This afternoon i saw a tweet which claimed that Mr. Jyoti Basu (aged 96), Ex-CM of West Bengal, has passed away today, 6th Jan 2010. there were retweets of that tweet and soon the entire Social Networking Community came alive with the news of Mr. Basu's death.

Media reports and Medical Bulletins insisted that Basu was still alive but on life support.

Confused?? Join the club, so am I.

Google it...you'll get a variety of search results. Some confidently report his death, some report other reports of his death while the rest remain uncommittal about his health condition.

even Wikipedia reported Basu as being dead...but later edited the content as Basu's death remained unconfirmed.

Basu was Chief Minister of West Bengal from June 1977 until November 2000, heading a Left Front government led by his Communist Party of India-Marxist (CPI-M). He stepped down on health grounds. 

Chronology of events:

Kolkata, Jan. 1, 2010: Jyoti Basu was hospitalised with pneumonia. Since Thursday, Basu had been suffering from chest congestion and having trouble breathing. He also had a cough and had been put on a semi-solid diet.

Doctors conducted a chest X-ray. And, at around 5.45pm, he was shifted to the hospital and a CT scan and blood tests were done and pneumonia was confirmed.

Kolkata, Jan. 3, 2010: Jyoti Basu had to undergo blood transfusion on Saturday night and Sunday evening after his haemoglobin level dipped. A BiPap machine was being used to pump air into Basu’s lungs.

Kolkata, Jan. 6, 2010: Later on Wednesday morning he was put on ventilator. Rumours of his death started in the afternoon.

As of now the truth remains in the hospital room...with the Ex-CM and perhaps a few 

selected individuals.

The use of ventilator or life support clearly indicates major deterioration in health condition. Often death is masked by the use of such devices.

Political play or media fad??

Remember a certain Mr. Priyoranjan Das Munshi?? he was on life support n ventilator for almost 8 months or more. German doctors had assured stem cell cure. All at the Govt.'s expenses. He has recently been put off life support. Supposedly his respiration has improved but his neurological condition remains unchanged.

The truth remains veiled.


information sources: Telegraph, Google.