Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A random post

the toughest time of my life...
yes...these are probably the toughest days of my life! so much to cope much to much that is still undone...
the year 2010 was one of the toughest years, till date, that i had to deal with. Criticism came from all sectors. Pressure was at its peak. MBA entrance exams, campusing...projects... and of course personal trials were like that bright red cherry on the cake!
since August, this year, all that i have been doing is hoping against hope...indulging in wishful thinking...and working day in and day out to complete tasks before the deadlines hit me hard. and yet...the deadlines...eventually...did hit me hard.
hardwork...constantly forcing my brain to solve problems...analytically, logically, quantitatively...!!
the entire concept of "next year" is full of uncertainties. next year, this time...where will i be?

i have plans ready. if Plan A fails then Plan B...if that too fails then i shall have to consider Plan C...and so on. alternatives...back up plans... *sigh*
i hope that something works out...i hope by next year i will be settled somewhere with something substantial. i sincerely hope that 2011 will be a better year...not just for me, but for my family too.

Monday, November 29, 2010


am standing at the edge....shall fall.
the last few moments...
remembering the rest.
moments...priceless ones...
sweet fond memories...memories of mirth...of joy...
moments...priceless yet painful...
memories that i can never let go...nor can i live with anymore.
memories that were never meant to be mine...
moments...lost forever.

am standing....and my life flashes by...
the walk in the tiny hand holding the guiding finger.
the ride on my tiny tricycle...
the maths book....with sums incomplete...
the certificates...the smiles...
the hope to reach the skies...

there was
happiness...the wonder years...

u left....and so did they...
slowly...gradually...finally they were all gone.

am standing...alone...
at the edge of this new world...
a new realm lies beneath me...
a world where pain ceases forever...
a world where there are no u-s n me-s.
a black abyss... pulling me towards itself...
the pull ever so strong.
i stand at the edge...about to fall.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


and i could keep writing today...hour after hour...all though the day...all through the night.
haven't had a proper stable normal conversation with anyone in ages. not that its anything unusual...its normal for me. am essentially am introvert. very few people know exactly what i am all about. and trust me...most of the people who claim that they know me...are utterly mistaken.
still...there are some who do understand me... n its weird but true that most of them are not the people i had ever been very close to....(ok i confess i haven't really been very close to many)...somehow they understand me more than those with whom i may have spent my entire life (till date of course).
its not that the people who know me dont understand me...quite a few of them do....but most dont. n i dont blame them for it. come on...its hard to know a person fully. human beings are complicated creatures.

i love typing away on the keyboard...without worrying as to who will read this or what they'll think about it. this is my blog....this blog is about me... n i will do exactly what my heart asks me to.
having spent quite a large part of my lifetime in doing what pleases others....and then another small part in doing what my heart now in a mood to balance the two.
trust me...blogging keeps me strong...mentally of course!!

a long list of by me and the other against me. n the world changes. changes....they are required...n these changes should be incorporated happily into our personal world! am ready for changes and i hope to see changes being incorporated elsewhere too. i can see changes elsewhere...n am trying real hard to bring changes in myself as well.

practicality. maybe am a bit too practical. i judge every situation in the light of practicality...n then comes in the adversity...emotions! why on earth can emotions not be practical?
being practical has made me lose enough...maybe i will lose a lot more...
but here too i will keep trying....n am trying hard to balance the two...
just need a little cooperation from the surroundings.

i was told...time is of essence...time will heal all...time will put things right...
am impatient...and am restless... because of the lack of certainty in my life.
i trust time...i know it has healing has the power to change night into day and day into night... i know time is important everywhere for everyone... but i am still restless...i know not why.

i lack inner peace... i miss the feeling of bliss that once dominated my world...n that "once" was not very long ago.

am hopeful.


a tiny flicker of a world full of darkness and gloom...
a gust of wind...and the light is gone.
this is happiness. it was here now....n now itself the happiness was gone!

i guess everyone's life is strange in some way or the other....n mine is no exception.
its just that strange is a bit too strange for me.
i wish for constants...n my life remains surrounded by variables.
i desire assurance that there is someone or something that i can rely on...fall back on when nobody or nothing is there for me. but every time i come close to this assurance...i get lost. i lose myself in a strange darkness where am all alone... n if am lucky i manage to find my way out...but i remain alone with no certainty, no assurance that all is going to be well. i know nothing can be well all through but its that assurance that matters. it gives hope...n the strength to go on.
i just wish for these words..."don't worry. everything is going to be fine."

i miss my parents and home a lot these days. i miss the feeling of belonging that i associate with my home.
life at hostel is beautiful. my friends are Angels....had it not been for them i would have not managed to live through the darkest phases of my life. they are the assurance that i have here...  their touch...their look...they way they hug me when i have tears in my eyes n then softly whisper in my ears those three magical words... "all izz well".
i fear how i will manage once am outside...away from them all... with them busy in their lives where will i find my assurance.
its true...Rons and Hermiones do exist... i have many around me!

n yet...i dread being alone. "alone" is a thought that kills me...
not fully maybe...but yes...i am human after all.

A Blissful Illusion

the pages lay on the floor....torn....tattered...
i had torn them off.... erased the words they carried...they lay scattered....
the innumerable pieces of my heart.
tiny words...singled out...lay all by themselves.
the dotted "i"-s... and the crossed out "me"-s...the rest were "you"-s...
a collage of feelings...of thoughts unexpressed.
thoughts, that could have made their way to your heart...

my thoughts....right from the start...
you would have heard me...if only...
if you had been there...

lost you were in a world where i was not the person i knew to be me...
lost you were in a world you thought was yours forever to keep.

lost you were...ever so deep...
away from bricks and mortar... away from the smell of fresh leaves...
away from the touch of reality... 

even away from me...
in a world you had for yourself alone and no other.

a blissful illusion...a world of perfection.
yet untrue...for me at least.
it was a world you had created for yourself... for you to be in 

for you to love and to live...and for no other.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

A Personal Note

am back with a personal note...after a long time.
and this has been a tough year...drastically different from the last.
last April almost the entire year was happy. yes...there were smiles all around...there was hope...there were dreams....n there was Happiness! yet...i remember...on the very last strange n unknown fear had gripped me. i had this weird feeling....a feeling that i was going to lose everything that makes me ME.

yes...i know, nothing lasts forever. and happiness is highly volatile!

a major part of this year, 2010, was shrouded in negativity. be it the people in my life or be it me. most of the things had a grey touch to them...the hue closer to the darker shade.

lost a lot of things...lost people close to my heart. i even lost a part of me.

i did earn the love of many....
there were innumerable emotional moments... i was deeply touched by the concern and care that my friends showered me with!! love them all!
but yes....i also lost the love of those who mean a lot to me.

i had already started defining my life in newer terms. i had started setting new dimensions to it. n i experimented with myself ...n my feelings. but none worked well enough to cease the pain that was building up within me.

and then came November. it was my favourite month last year....n this year...i'll be glad if i can manage to somehow survive through it.
if this is how things were always supposed to be....then why on earth did God bless me with Happiness last year?
2010 was full of expectations....all broken into pieces in the course of time.
misunderstandings...lack of communication...and silence... they ruined  everything.
and before i could gather the broken pieces and try my hand at fixing them...they were gone...

am still waiting...i hope i will be able to mend myself in some way. they say am strong...when i know i am not. but i can build a shield around me...a fortress. i can preserve what i have left. n i will wait till i have the rest.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Happy Diwali!!!!

Light....enlighten the Mind...
fire...purify the Soul
let the Bright engulf the Dark...
May the Light reach you all.

Happy Diwali!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

A Page from my Friend's Diary.

Some emotions rarely find words to express themselves. some thoughts remain hidden under the misty veil of doubt... some hopes remain wishes...unfulfilled. some dreams are forever lost...
to love and to be loved...this every soul desires.
never remains....unexpressed...somewhere deep within...veiled by practicality...
situations change...conditions alter...but emotions and feelings...they remain...perhaps shrouded....but yes they do remain.
latent...unperceived...untouched...they remain.

tears speak...they scream out the pain that lies within...the pain of having lost that one Love that had been yours... silent tears....and a few words...

"Today i've every reason to be happy.
Today i've a reason to smile,
Today i dont have to hide,
Today its me...only me,
Today i have the things i've always envied,
Today life is simple...more than ever before,
Today i dont have the miss you from my core,
Today i'm completely rich.
The only things missing are my happiness and peace..."

                                                     ~~~ a page borrowed from my Friend's Diary.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


i call for order.... but who pays heed? None.
chaos in my my heart. Around me...all around i see....chaos.
emotions...thoughts...words....entangled! am still searching for a free end. i need to pull them apart.

CARNIVAL... lost in the cacophony...
lost is all that were ever pleasant to the ears.
i call voice loses iself in the crowd...
i reach out... but find none to hold.

all that i may...
i cry out for order...who pays heed? None.
lost are the sights...sounds...n all...all that were ever pleasant to us.
i care....n so i still stay here, rooted to the spot... not swayed by the disorderly crowd... waiting...for the One.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Generation and controls: Summary

Generating of Power: A super short summary: is an overview of how things work in a power plant. I shall not go into details here...just the energy transformation chain and a few controls. Just a basic idea.

Energy in a Thermal Power Plant:
Ignition and the consequent combustion of coal generates heat. this means that exothermic chemical reactions take place at the initial stage. the heat produced increases the average kinetic energy of the fluids (appropriately chosen for the purpose) that act as a carrier of the thermal energy produced by the exothermic chemical reactions. now, applying Bernoulli's equation we can see that the pressure head and the velocity head of the system must be such that they ensure movement of the turbine blades and they should be controlled in order to have 3000 rpm for a 2 pole system (as in SGS).

there are several control points...the coal feeder determines and controls the amount of coal to be sent to the mill where pulverisation takes place. Governors (nozzle and throttle type) control steam entry into the turbine. the strength and flux intensity of the electromagnet is controlled by controlling the excitation voltage. these control points are logically programmed in such a manner that malfunctioning at any point will lead to a sequential disruption of processes in the system till the malfunctioning part is made error free.

The effluents are effectively managed to ensure Zero Discharge. for details read up ESP and Bottom Ash removal systems along with details of effluent treatment plants. watching the controls valves open and close is an experience....the sight n the sound...super cool! you would never know the feel if you don't witness it.

The Control Units and Panels are extremely attractive! trust me...if you are an instrumentation engineer you are sure to fall in love with them! A co-trainee(a girl) had referred to the bottom ash disposal control panel as "cute" i guess u get the idea!!!! :P

for further information join a Plant as a Trainee!!

Plants and Power!!

  "With reference to your application we are pleased to offer you vocational training....Please report to the station Manager, Southern Generating Station (on the appointed date) 9am to commence your training."
 and that was the appointment letter from CESC Limited.

All right....been bhery bhery busssy with training these last few weeks. Infact training is still on. Am supposed to report at 9am in the morning and stay on till 5pm...and it takes me around two whole hours to reach the Plant and again two whole hours to come back.....phew! But, the hectic schedule is worth it. Training is fun...and of course educative!


CESC Ltd. was earlier known as Calcutta Electric Supply Corporation. (click here for the website) Kilburn & Co. secured the electric lighting license in 1897 and the first power generating station was started in 1899...roughly a decade after electric lighting reached London. The company later changed name to CESC Ltd. and is under the RPG Group.

Electricity is the only form of energy, which is easy to

  • produce
  • transport
  • use
  • control
Electricity consumption per capita is the index of the living standard of people of a place or country.

Electricity in bulk quantities is produced in power plants.Thermal Power Plant is one of them, generating more than 80% of the total electricity produced in the world.
The “SOUTHERN GENERATING STATION” is a modern pulverized coal-fired electricity generation unit. It uses the Rankine-based thermodynamic cycle. To increase efficiency, the Rankine Cycle is modified. Here, in this power plant the Regenerative Cycle has been adopted to increase efficiency.
Total capacity is135 MW, with two units each of the capacity of 67.5MW. 
The boiler capacity is 77MW. 


The best thing about Industrial Training is the fact that you get to see most of the things that you have theoretically studied during your semester. Here you get the opportunity to see their practical applications. For example...God knows why i had a feeling that valves were small and harmless little things. At the Plant i figured out that they were (mostly) huge and made monstrous sounds when operated!! :P
You get to see the Engineers live in action. The sessions with these Engineers and of course the line men can actually teach you more than text books ever can! There are various technical details of the training that can be shared here but that would make the post irritatingly i shall refrain from going into details. I may make another post on the details later.
Lemme summarise things here.
Circuits I studied:
air, coal, water and oil.
I saw:
Boiler, turbine, generator (actuator), valves, microprocessor controlled AVR units...etc etc etc....its a huge list!!
Detailed visits:
DM plant and the effluence treatment plant, boiler and turbine, control units of ESP and the Zero Discharge System and a visit to the top of the Hydro Bin (and that was almost a Fear-Factor stunt type experience!!), Conveyor Belt, Bunkers and crushers, the wagon tippler...are a few. Also detailed study of the transformers.


I made some great friends. Got accustomed to the work environment in a Plant. Found out how things work in the Core sector. Fell in love with the various Control Units and rediscovered my love for Process Control and DCS.

and its not yet over....shall share more on this later.

Monday, July 5, 2010

At the Edge

At the edge…preparing for the fall…
At a height insurmountable…  an abyss pulling me, so strong.
I breathe… the air seems sour…
The gorge so deep…  invincible is the Power.
Am breaking… broken pieces of glass
It’s hurting… the sharp edges that right through me pass
Am at the Edge… but not much longer…
…and then................I fall.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

College...gosh...Final year!!

ohk...its been a really long time since i last bored people by writing rubbish here at my blog!! but back!!
WBUT is one mad university...they announce exams exactly 14 days before the scheduled starting date and then postpond it so conveniently just 5 days before the commencement of the examinations!! we, poor students of this doomed university, had been anticipating an early semester exam...and had been preparing ourselves mentally (we do not bother to study till the routine is officially published at the website) for the exams since April!! practical exams were conducted in May...n finally theory exams took place in June!!! n that irritating!! #mahafail
all our training and internship plans were jeopardised...and most of us had to rearrange our schedules and re-apply for the various trainings we had been planning to undertake during the summer!! again #mahafail
but finally the ordeal is over...! exams are over...internships n trainings have either begun or will begin shortly....we r all in holiday mood....enjoying our semester break!!

this sem break is perhaps a little different from others. for once...the feeling of having finished another year at college is kinda freaky! we r final year students now...n that is, trust me...the weirdest thing possible!! like, it was just yesterday that we came to college...made used to hostel life...n now........not even 12 months r left...!! n to top it all, our hostel buildings have been swapped!! guys will now b staying in the girl's hostel building n girls will shift to the guys block.......grrrrrrrrrr.......could things get worse!??!

for me...these 3 years...well....i lost a lot...but i gained more than i could have ever imagined!! dont know how...but i guess somehow this place gave me my reasons for being eternally happy...!!

one more year...campusing... competitive exams...trainings n projects...busy busy year ahead!!

will keep updating...stay tuned...

Monday, May 10, 2010

An Empty World

an empty world...a cry echoing through the darkness...
a gorge...emotions rushing through...falling into nothingness.
all that was...not is...will never ever be.
finality. the silent voices...the words that were left unspoken.
one cry...echoing still...
through the stillness of the night...
a cry of pain...a dagger running through the heart...
a pin piercing the soul...
an ache that is inhumanly blissful...
an anguish that has lived on...lived after life itself was extinguished.
the flame of remorse...still burns...burns bright
waiting to burn down everything that could have been...but never was.
a endless wait...
an eternity.
a thin line...invisible draws.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Kolkata: my homely project!!

Recently I had been asked to prepare a presentation as a College project. After hours of thinking i finally selected the topic suggested by my friend Nilakshi. According to her we should select topics close to our heart. So, I finally settled for the topic "Kolkata"...what better than my home sweet home...

Thank you Kolkata for being my Home and being the topic of my College project. Where would i be without you!!??'s a short summary of the project i finally made...
I called it "Kolkata: a City in transition...a journey from Kalikata to Kolkata"

This project shows the changing face of the city over the years...right from the British Era to the present Metropolitan City.

Two major aspects of the city have been highlighted here:
  • the identity of the City as the Cultural Capital of India.
  • the socio-cultural life of the City
These two aspects have been focussed upon because:
  • any change that creeps into a city so culturally rich is bound to get reflected in the culture of the City
  • "a city is what its people make it..." so obviously the changes will be evident in the life of the citizens
hence the socio-cultural references.

This project is a tribute to the City that gave India her first martyr of the Struggle for Independence, Khudiram...its a tribute to the City that was home to the first Nobel Laureate of our country, Rabindranath Tagore...its the city of the first Modern Man of India, Raja Ram Mohan Roy...Netaji, Vidyasagar,Vivekananda, Mother Teresa....n so many others...

Excerpts from the project:
"It is believed that India as a whole did not witness Renaissance...but Bengal did, and Calcutta was the centre.  The growth of the Bengali Intelligentsia due to the introduction of Western Education in India under the initiative of men like Raja Rammohan Roy led to an intellectual awakening...popularly known as the Bengal Renaissance..."

"The existence of a distinct duality in the City is evident through the ages. Be it the Babu culture (a group of Bengali intellectuals who though Indian by blood were British in nature) or the Bongs (the globalised/westernised Bengalis) it the intellectuals or the modernists...a distinct duality persists."

a culmination of diversities...
a harmonious coexistence of deep rooted culture and modernisation...
that's the city for you...
Welcome to Kolkata" 

"Kolkata Kolkata dont worry Kolkata...amra tomari Kolkata..........tumi je naya Kolkata..." ~Usha Uthup

phir milenge chalte chalte...

Hostel Farewell...Yaadein '10...the day was 23rd April...... it was a grand event...n we made sure that there were mostly smiles around...just a few tears... music, dance, masti, Ms. KCGH competition...the early morning group photo sessions....

the party ended at around 6am the next morning...the seniors were all happy...there were smiles all around...
we, the pre-final years, were in tears... will miss them all....n will miss each other after one year. its our turn next...its our farewell next year...

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Confessions of a Confused Mind

Life is so weird. I mean...look at it. It gives you immense joy and then suddenly threatens to take it all away. You win a match and then lose the very next...and all the bounty you had managed to gone in a jiffy!! Its a tiring game...too many obstacles, face offs, challenges and no cheat codes. Damn, am a pathetic player!!

The last few months were just too tiring for me...emotionally! For a person like me...emotions are a rare thing. But when they come...they flood the mind...unlock the gates of my self and break into my very system... Destroying my peace of mind...unsettling me temporarily, or so i thought. Certain feelings and emotions are very powerful. They are capable of unsettling minds permanently. And i'm afraid, i guess, that's the case with me.

Emotions that i had never known earlier...aliens emotions...invaded my heart...and my soul. These alien emotions kind of gave me a brand new identity. An identity that i could hardly relate to myself. I was happy...perhaps i am more or less still happy. The happiness is inexplicable...perhaps its bliss. But a certain sadness pervades... Why? How can profound happiness be accompanied by such pain. I do not understand. The pain is at times unbearable... All methods that a practical person may apply to control and check one's emotions have already failed me. Am I on the verge of insanity?  

Everything i had ever loved and cared for have now evaporated leaving behind nothing but residue of memories... I loved to write. But now expressions fail me. Music was my life...melody now evades me... But why?
I'm scared of losing everything that i have....all that i truly Love. I'm perhaps too possessive of my own Happiness...

I need to get back on my feet. I should stop expecting...Expectations hurt. I should stop waiting...I cannot wait for eternity... i should try to get back my bearings and start walking again...along a known path. I'm scared of walking alone...i don't want to lose myself in lonely deserted roads...its scary. I will follow the known path...will try to walk by myself again.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

pink rose

pink rose, originally uploaded by SayaniMukherjee.
i love flowers...all colours, shapes n sizes...i love them all. their jest for life...their liveliness...
a flower is a epitome of joy...a source of life...

i found this pink rose in full bloom outside an ATM...n i loved it!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

i had wanted...

time was not with me...
or perhaps the time was yours.

i had wanted to say so many things to you.
i had wanted to laugh once more.
i had wanted to remember those walks...
through the sunset in the busy city streets.
i had wanted to remember your smile...
i had wanted to hear you speak to me.
i would have had loved to watch you when you talked.
i had wanted to feel you...the warmth of your presence...
the feel of your touch.

its the same street today...the same sunset.
but this time, the time is mine.
i'm walking still...but walking alone.
no desire to know...
all i know is that i'm alive and i'm living...
you are somewhere, happy in your world.
perhaps, i dont remember you anymore.


Friday, March 12, 2010


this collage is dedicated to those who gave me a reason to keep smiling in these three years @BCET...without them in my life...BCET wouldnt have been the home that it is to me today. Thank You dears!! 

Sunday, March 7, 2010

what ifs n if onlys...

Wanna share a story in the form of excerpts of some conversations.

[They both knew. but they never said. they were afraid...of themselves. they were weary of the shortcomings.
and lastly they both assumed that they would always be there...they both thought that they were irreplaceable.]

girl: hello! its me.
boy: yeah, say.
girl: er...i just called... how are you?
boy: am fine.
girl: you busy?
boy: no. say.
girl: oh! er...ok. going home.
boy: when?
girl: the day after.
boy: ok.
girl: my me to meet someone.
boy: oh! (pause) i get it.
when will you return?
girl: depends...
boy: ok...gotta go.
girl: yeah...bye.
boy: bye.
girl: bye...

boy: hey! when are you returning?
girl: next week, i guess.
boy: how long does it take to meet someone, eh??
girl: met him yesterday. mom and dad...they like him a lot. they say, he's perfect for me...
boy: oh! er...ok. (pause) do you like him?
girl: he's a good person...qualification are good. good family. mom and dad like him...
boy: what about me?
girl: you?
boy: i mean, when do i get to meet him? wanna meet the one who's taking my Life away from me.
girl: oh! i...
boy: hey...tell i a bit too late...
girl: if you had just told me
boy: never mind. just be happy...always...

THE END...??

Saturday, February 27, 2010

update'll be grossly unfair to say that i have been thinking a lot about others things and too little about academics these days. its true that numerous others things have been going on in my life...but, academics were never out of my mind. 6th semester is quite important. we've got seminars to prepare for. we have an industrial training to do at the end of this semester, and of course 5 subjects to master before exams come knocking at the door.
been going through several training programs...have selected a few and applied for them. seats are limited almost everywhere...and competition is, needless to say, very very tough. hopefully i'll get selected for training somewhere. wish my dad would let me go out of Kolkata for training. wish he could bring himself to trust my merit a bit more. anyway, that's mere wishful thinking...and should be avoided at all cost.

been thinking a lot about my grad prospectives... Finally, i came  up with several ideas, most of which require hard work and taking loads of chaap. There really is no substitute for hard work...and its very unfortunate that bit lazy.

anyway...that is basically my life's update...will again update later!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

some moments...captured forever

been experimenting a bit...and i ended up making this collage. This collage is not very technically sound...i still learning...but the emotions attached are the purest of all...
i dedicate this to my two dearest friends who make my life so much worth living... 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Blissful Pain

A turbulence…an eerie silence amidst the storm…the eye.
A wait so long that time crawls slower than the breath escaping from the Soul…escaping to Eternity.
An infinite length of dark expanse…waiting… awaiting… desiring those that are not one’s own.
Burdened by Love…Despair strikes.
The sky swims in a blood red pool. 
Red? Perhaps the colour of Love… or perhaps the hue of the irreparable loss that gnaws the heart. Twisting the muscles so that every drop is wasted…and lost. A pain so pure that all Powers surrender to it.
It is cruel enough to engage you in a blissful delirium…senses are lost to emotions...perhaps forever. It never subsides 
and yet you smile.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

3rd Feb 2010: Happy Birthday to me! was my 21st birthday on 3rd Feb. I was initially quite apprehensive about turning 21...but the fun i had during the day convinced me that turning 21 isnt that bad (n sad!) after all!!
I was in for a lot of surprises. In fact surprises unravelled all through the day. Each one putting a smile bigger than the previous one on my face!! 
The Angelic bhai(!!)...chocolate coated munch-cake...biscuit-with-jam midnight "birthday-wali maggi"...the innumerable birthday wishes...loooooong list..........
and the Grand Finale was the grand(!!) party in the Cafeteria. 
Thanks to all my friends for making me feel so special! Thank You! 
Here are my bday cakes...njoy!!


wondering about the "3"...its the addition of the two numbers 2 n 1...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

feelings...or fear...??

I close my eyes...trying to shut out my feelings... some things are best left unexpressed...unsaid...unheard...
some feeling are best left unfelt. Feelings or fear?? which am i trying to shut out? the fear of losing myself to emotions...the fear of losing my rationality...what is my fear? rooted deep within me..a fear...a fear that i fear to acknowledge. that my biggest fear? do i want to leave my feelings i want to hide forever from the realm of emotions...?? where am i seeking refuge?
but this time there is a not confused...i know what am feeling...and this time, i dont know why i am not being able to listen to my mind alone. its my heart thats doing the mind seems to have taken a back seat. and am loving this feeling..the feeling of not fearing my feelings...of letting my heart rule my mind...
a thousand emotions flooding my mind...just one predominant thought...
A friend had once said,"You dont have time for you wont give emotions time..."

Sunday, January 24, 2010


DSC01301, originally uploaded by SayaniMukherjee.
these hearts were specially designed n created by an uniquely creative artist who ate the chocolates n made hearts out of the wrappers...yes friends, am talking about none other than Mr. Anirban Saha!!

arranged n clicked by me...all short-comings are mine :P

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The lone Light

11:59pm: an empty street...silence echoing through the Darkness...
                the lone street lamp at the far end of the road flickered and...
                finally gave up its battle to stay awake.
                all asleep...chilled by the already chilly night...
                senses had gone numb...and feelings were all frozen by the intense fog.
                cold...wrapped in a blanket...face barely visible in the light cast by the moon...walked a figure.
                a strange dampness enveloping the Soul...
                lone Warrior of Life...or perhaps a Survivor of Time...

                the silence had been broken...and the footsteps reverberated through the night...
                through the heart of the sleeping road... 
                senses could now feel...and every step had its perception.

12am:     we held hands...
               and, once again i was walking...
               walking along the road to Life... 

Monday, January 18, 2010

A Demise: An End

A Confession: Am not a political expert nor am i much interested politics. But i'm interested in people and how they mould the History of our World with their own hands.

Jyotirindra(better known as Jyoti) Basu: a leader, an icon...a man who reigned over Bengal for over two decades, 23 yrs to be precise. Died yesterday, 17th January 2010, at 11:47pm. With him ended an era...almost a century...a chapter closed in the history of Bengal.
Bengal has always played an important part in shaping or at least contributing to the history of our country. It was in Bengal that Nawab Siraj-ud-duallah lost the skirmish, dubbed in History as the Battle of Plassey. Bengal was the only state in India to witness Renaissance. Bengal was home to Rabindranath Tagore, Mother Teresa, Amartya Sen...even Ronald Ross worked in Bengal. Jagadishchandra Bose, Prafullachandra, Vidyasagar, Kazi Nazrul Islam, Michael Madhusudan Dutta. Bengal gave India her first Martyr...Khudiram was the first to die in India's struggle for Freedom... Raja Rammohon Roy ("the first Modern Man of India"-Rabindranath Tagore)...Netaji...
Bengal gave to the country Swami Vivekananda, Sri Ramkrishna....
Bengal was the only Indian state which was said to have had maintained its independent existence right through the ages...remember Gopala, Bengal's Raja....he was elected by the people to rule the people for the people!
Uncountable contributions...lets not count them any more. Except this one...the man named Jyoti Basu.
His achievements, his victories...also his failures, yes he did have his shortcomings...his 23 yrs as CM of West Bengal has given India a reason to add a new chapter to its History.
Initially what Basu had done in his reign, was a need of the hour. But two decades were a bit too long. His ideas got stagnated. The world changed but his outlook remained just the same. Finally in the year 2000, he stepped down from the post of CM of West Bengal. Even after stepping down from his political post, his connections and allies remained. The respect people had for him remained. And Basu remained in Indira Bhavan.
At 96 yrs of age, Basu breathed his last in AMRI hospital Salt Lake, after fighting for his life for 17 days. He has reportedly donated his eyes. The very eyes which saw the world for 96 yrs...fought battles...sought arguments...planned strategies...shed tears...and even loved....
Basu believed: "it is man and man alone who creates history..." 
...and he did create history.
 Even in death he created History. He is the only India politician to be a trending topic on Twitter that too twice....see that too counts as history...genZ type!!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

"Come...lets explore this world together..."

Dinner time. Mom, Dad, me and someone else. Everything is same...just as always...except this new person. Who is this? Who is the new person on the table? By her looks...she's older than me. perhaps a couple of more...around 6yrs maybe. A lady...someone i look up to...but who is she? who? Mom n dad are behaving so strangely. As if, they've known her for years...and i'm so happy. Why am i getting the feeling that i've known her all my life? she's someone close to me....i know that. she even looks familiar...she is very close to me. She's someone who cares for me... But, who is she?
She started helping mom serve the food. damn...didnt i always do it...?? who is she? she picked up my plate and served the food on it. placed it back infront of me and smiled. And then i was me...just an older if my elder sister...loving me, caring for me.

and that was my dream...the one i saw this morning. something we long for...the thoughts that we push to our subconscious gets transformed into our dreams.
Am an only child and i've always longed for a sibling. Always.The feeling of always having someone to fall back upon...the feeling of being protected...of having someone to stand in when mom n dad are not around...
I have always longed for an older sibling. but a younger one would have also been good enough...but alas i have none.

Its a special bond..very special. A bond that can hardly be explained in words. What i felt in my dream today...i'd never felt that before...not for the thousands of cousins i have...not even for my nearest n dearest cousins. What i felt was a strange warmth...

Two brothers...hand in hand. A promise of togetherness...of closeness...of concern... Its a strength...
its a love so very pure...
its a feeling so very dear...
its a bond...
its brotherhood.
Those fights and squabbles...those kicks and punches...its all love...a strange love. default type...unconditional...

"Brother, if you get lost in the crowd....and never want to be found...I promise to lose myself with you...i'll never leave your side. You will never be alone. Come...lets explore this world together..."

 photo courtsey: Anirban Saha

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

# iconic Jyoti Basu: Alive or dead??

Trust me, this is crazy...
check this twitter
Realtime results for jyoti basu dead 
slaith @sahaanirban I dun get it. Is Jyoti Basu dead or nt? less than a minute ago 

Ok...let me explain. This afternoon i saw a tweet which claimed that Mr. Jyoti Basu (aged 96), Ex-CM of West Bengal, has passed away today, 6th Jan 2010. there were retweets of that tweet and soon the entire Social Networking Community came alive with the news of Mr. Basu's death.
Media reports and Medical Bulletins insisted that Basu was still alive but on life support.
Confused?? Join the club, so am I.
Google'll get a variety of search results. Some confidently report his death, some report other reports of his death while the rest remain uncommittal about his health condition.
even Wikipedia reported Basu as being dead...but later edited the content as Basu's death remained unconfirmed.

Basu was Chief Minister of West Bengal from June 1977 until November 2000, heading a Left Front government led by his Communist Party of India-Marxist (CPI-M). He stepped down on health grounds. 

Chronology of events:
Kolkata, Jan. 1, 2010: Jyoti Basu was hospitalised with pneumonia. Since Thursday, Basu had been suffering from chest congestion and having trouble breathing. He also had a cough and had been put on a semi-solid diet.
Doctors conducted a chest X-ray. And, at around 5.45pm, he was shifted to the hospital and a CT scan and blood tests were done and pneumonia was confirmed.

Kolkata, Jan. 3, 2010: Jyoti Basu had to undergo blood transfusion on Saturday night and Sunday evening after his haemoglobin level dipped. A BiPap machine was being used to pump air into Basu’s lungs.

Kolkata, Jan. 6, 2010: Later on Wednesday morning he was put on ventilator. Rumours of his death started in the afternoon.

As of now the truth remains in the hospital room...with the Ex-CM and perhaps a few 
selected individuals.
The use of ventilator or life support clearly indicates major deterioration in health condition. Often death is masked by the use of such devices.

Political play or media fad??

Remember a certain Mr. Priyoranjan Das Munshi?? he was on life support n ventilator for almost 8 months or more. German doctors had assured stem cell cure. All at the Govt.'s expenses. He has recently been put off life support. Supposedly his respiration has improved but his neurological condition remains unchanged.

The truth remains veiled.

information sources: Telegraph, Google.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Promises 2010

I don't really believe in resolutions. Every year i make the same resolution...that of not making any resolution. This year too is not an exception to the rule. Am not making any resolutions. Instead i'll make some promises. And these promises will be made to God...and promises made to God are never meant to be broken.

1. I shall try to improve myself in every way...academics, nature...every way.

2. I'll try not have ice creams and puchka...will try to avoid them as much as possible.

3. I would do my best to ensure that the people i care for are happy.

4. I will not trust anyone blindly.

Thats enough i guess. If any more promises get added to the list i'll update them here!

Warmth and high

Plastic cups lay strewn around. Drinks spilt on the progressively fading carpet had started to dry up on their own. The stink of ashes on th...